Long OVERDUE Update

I can't believe it has been so long since I have posted on my blog! I have so many things to catch everyone up on, that I am going to be lazy and list them.

1. I moved back to Winston-Salem, NC on November 12th, and it seems like I have been running NON-STOP around here. The boys have settled into the new routine in NC and Ed has completed his training at work, and is officially taking live calls. He works at the Help Desk for Market America in GSO, NC. It's been REALLY nice to FINALLY be home with Silas and Timmy.

2. We moved in with my parents, so I have unpacked and settled into the space available to my family. My parents are VERY gracious to allow us to move in while we get back on our feet. It's SO nice to be able to spend so much time with my parents daily.

3. We spent Thanksgiving Day over at my little sister's house. We ate TOO much food and laughed WAY too hard! Lots of memories were made that will last a lifetime.

4. I found an OB to take over my prenatal care, so it was a pretty smooth transition. Ed and I took the hospital tour a couple of weeks ago so that we would be familiar with the surroundings. It will be REALLY different to not have Emma in Texas like I did with the boys. The fact that I have so much family around is pretty darn amazing! I CAN'T WAIT to have family visit at the hospital.

5. My pregnancy has been going very well since my arrival in NC. Since I am not working outside of the home, I have been able to take naps when Silas naps in the afternoon. This has helped tremendously in this last couple of weeks when I feel like I am the size of an elephant. After becoming a stay at home mom since arriving in NC, I don't know how in the world I managed when I worked 40 hours outside of the home...sometimes I can't make it without a nap everyday. God has blessed me tremendously by allowing us to live with my parents. It's AMAZING to have help getting Timmy to and from school and having free childcare when I have appointments.

6. We found out on December 23rd, that Emma is BREECH! I was 37 weeks, but Emma was measuring 39 weeks and they estimated her to weigh 8 lbs. 4 oz. On the ultrasound, we were able to see that she has a TON of hair! The ultrasound technician couldn't believe how long her hair was...she kept pointing to it and saying, "Look at her hair just floating in that fluid." I have had TERRIBLE heartburn with this pregnancy, and I REALLY wanted her to have a lot of hair...looks like I will get my wish! They told me that if she didn't turn on her own, that I would have to have a c-section. I have ALWAYS been afraid of having a c-section. Something about the word surgery kinda scares me. I have NEVER had a surgery in my entire life other than having my wisdom teeth cut out, but I don't count that as a surgery because I only had "laughing gas" and it was in my mouth. I went back to the doctor on December 28th, and she was still breech, so the OB scheduled a c-section for Tuesday, January 5th.

7. After all these months, I now know Emma's birthday 01/05/10. That is if I don't go into labor naturally between now and then. I have had some significant contractions, but nothing close together...Ed is off the next 2 days, so if I went into labor that would be just great. But if not, then we will welcome Emma Grace Lockwood into the world on Tuesday, January 5th at 7:30am EST. I packed our bags today, and it was so hard to decide what to bring her home in. I have packed a couple of options, so we shall wait and see what this little one looks like before I decide.

Since I have never had a c-section before, I am unsure of what the recovery will be like, but as soon as I am able, I will try to blog pictures of Emma's arrival and her "birth" story!

PICTURE TIME....

Here is a picture of me at 36 weeks...it's hard to tell, but I am REALLY carrying LOW. I am even lower today, I feel like Emma is going to fall out.



Here is a picture of the boys playing in the snow that we got the week before Christmas! Timmy LOVED it...Silas wasn't too sure about it at first, but once Daddy came outside, he got off the porch and walked around in it.



Here is a picture of Silas wearing a suit that was handed down from his cousin Matthew...isn't he just the CUTEST!



Here is a picture of Timmy doing the Bungee thingy in the mall.



Here is a picture of the boys in their Christmas PJs on Christmas morning.



Here is a picture of Ed and I on our way to Ed's work Christmas party.



That's all for now....check back in a couple of weeks to see pics of my baby girl!

Much Love in NC

Let Freedom Ring

My sweet friend in Texas, Shelly, had this video posted on her Facebook page, and in light of it being Veterans Day, I just had to post it today.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8GgzOQ-UHY

This song reminds me so much of home because I grew up listening to the Gaither Vocal Band. That is one memory that I enjoy...going to concerts with my sisters to see the Gaither Vocal Band, Gold City, The Cathedrals...Southern Gospel music is definitely a memory that I hold dear to my heart.

Here are the words in case you want to follow along.... Enjoy

LET FREEDOM RING
Deep within the heart has always known that there was freedom
Somehow breathed into the very soul alive
The prisoner, the powerless, the saved have always known it
There's something that keeps reaching for the sky

Even life begins because a baby fights for freedom
And songs we love to sing have freedom's theme
Some have walked through fire and flood to find a place of freedom
And some faced hell itself for freedom's dream

Let freedom ring wherever minds know what it means to be in chains
Let freedom ring wherever hearts know pain
Let freedom echo through the lonely streets where prisons have no key
We can be free and we can sing let freedom ring

God built freedom into every fiber of creation
And He meant for us to all be free and whole
When my Lord bought freedom with the blood of His redemption
His cross stamped pardon on my very soul

I'll sing it out with every breath, I'll let the whole world hear it
This hallelujah anthem of the free
That iron bars and heavy chains can never hold us captive
The Son has made us free and free indeed

Let freedom ring down through the ages from a hill called Calvary
Let freedom ring wherever hearts know pain
Let freedom echo through the lonely streets where prisons have no key
You can be free and you can sing let freedom ring
Let freedom echo through the lonely streets where prisons have no key
You can be free and you can sing let freedom ring
You can be free and you can sing let freedom ring
Let freedom ring

I like America

I just had to write this post about a conversation overheard between my 6 year old son, and my 6 year old nephew. This is classic....

While throwing the football back and forth to each other:

Timmy: Andrew, what is your favorite college football team? Do you like the Georgia Bulldogs?

Andrew: No, I like America.

Timmy: Are they the elephants?

Andrew: Yeah

Timmy: Yeah, I like them too!

My little sister immediately called me to share in this conversation. Our son has been saturated with college football since the time he could hold a football. Our nephew, doesn't really know any college football teams or even what college football is. I can TOTALLY tell this friendship of cousins is going to be amazing!

Thank you Lord for moving us to NC! We are having SO much fun!

SISTERS

As my time in GA quickly draws to a close, I have had a lot of time to reflect on my future endeavors in North Carolina. There are SO many things that I am looking forward to, and I shared some of them in my last post, however, I wanted to share about some more.

I CAN NOT WAIT TO SPEND SOME QUALITY TIME WITH MY SISTERS!

Tina, Nikki, and I have been SO close almost our entire life. When I talk about my family and childhood, I really have more good memories than bad when it comes to my sisters. There are so many inside jokes and memories that can just keep us laughing for hours. There is just a bond between us that NO-ONE will EVER be able to break.

In January of this past year, I kinda got a little jealous of Tina and Nikki. The opportunity was given to Nikki to be Tina's assistant in her K-3 class at school. I was like, "WHAT?!?! Nikki gets to see Tina EVERYDAY AND WORK with her!" I SOOOO wanted to be there and enjoy in making memories. I just KNEW it was going to bring them closer together. I think my jealousy was more of not wanting to be left out, but you know what...when I came home in March, it was just as it has always been. Tina and Nikki treated me as if I had been at work with them all along. They included me in all their discussions, and was eager to share with me about the kiddos in their class.

My sisters have been there for me from the VERY beginning of our time away from each other. When Nikki got married and moved to Germany, and I when I got married and moved to Texas....I NEVER dreamed that one day we would be ALL back together again. Do you realize what this means???? Sister (and mom) Movie Nights, Dessert Nights (not just on New Years Eve), SHOPPING, SHOPPING, SHOPPING, late night talks and slumber parties (yes, even married with children you can still have a slumber party), Ladies Retreats in the mountains, workout accountability partners, Bible study partners, and so much more...

As I sit here and type this post, tears are coming to my eyes when I realize that I get to see my sisters face to face EVERYDAY! I haven't had that in over NINE years! No more just weekend visits or holiday visits. I am going to be LIVING in NC! I thank God EVERYDAY that HE is allowing us to all be together again!

Dreams REALLY do come true! Hold on sisters....I will be there soon! I love you both so very much! Oh, the memories we will make....

To My Baby Boy Silas

It's been almost 2 weeks since I had my hands on my baby boy Silas. He moved to NC on October 18th, and I'm really starting to miss him. I got to see his cute little face the other night through Skype/webcam and it was SO good to see him. He was precious...he kept saying "Mommy" and laughing...it was the first time he has ever seen how a webcam works. I am hoping to be able to "see" him again soon.

With us being separated for 4 weeks, I am so hoping and praying that Silas somehow understands how much I love him. Being two years old, I am not sure how much he understands about our most recent "move". He is living with Nana and Papa, and Daddy and "Mimmy" are there now, so I know he is in the BEST hands, but I still wonder if he ever thinks, "Where's Mommy?" I do miss Ed and Timmy, but they both can talk to me and I am able to explain to Timmy how many "wake-ups" there are until I am joining them in NC, but Silas doesn't understand. I don't think Silas even really understands that Emma is just 12 weeks away from making an appearance. I can't WAIT to get to NC so that I can spend every moment with Silas...I long for the days when I can get up with him in the morning and NOT have to leave for work. I wanted to write a letter to Silas today, so that when he is older, and he ever feels "left out", I can share this with him. So here goes....

To my dear, precious baby boy...

Silas, you are only two years old right now, and due to circumstances beyond our control, I am separated from you for a little while. I don't think you understand what is really happening...you have Nana taking care of you everyday...and next to Mommy and Daddy...Nana is the next best thing.

Since you moved to NC, you have really started using more words. You will actually get on the phone with me and say, "Hey Mommy" "I Love you". I LOVE to hear your little voice on the other end of the phone. I can just picture you walking around Nana and Papa's house with your little arms swinging by your side. You love to run around and play and I hear from Nana, that you have started finding pens, pencils, anything to write with and marking on the walls. Nana has had to watch you like a hawk. You are very active and don't really care to watch TV much, although you will sit down and watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Nana has started letting you feed yourself yogurt...she says you do a good job, but do NOT like anything on your face, so Nana sits there and wipes off your little face when yogurt spills out of your mouth. I can't wait to get to NC and witness all the things you are doing.

Baby boy...when Mommy gets to NC, I am not going to have to leave you everyday to go to work. I get to stay home and take care of you. I have so many ideas of how I want to spend my time with you. You love mommy to read books to you, so I am looking forward to reading the same book over and over and over again, because when I finish reading the book, you quickly say, "Gin". You can listen to the same book 10 times or more and still want it again. I am looking forward to working on more words with you and teaching you your numbers. I can't wait to pray with you each night before you go to bed...I had just started that as part of our bedtime routine when you moved. I love to hear you repeat the prayer that I am saying. I can't wait to snuggle with you and cuddle with you while you suck your middle fingers and play with your hair. I can't wait to give you baths and listen to you scream (like a girl) when you splash me. I can't wait to go into your room and watch you sleeping and pray over you.

I am so excited about spending quality time with you and making sure you understand how important you are to me and the rest of our family. See, I am not sure you understand it, but your baby sister is on the way. This is going to make you a middle child, and speaking from experience, I want you to know that you are a VERY important part of our family. You will always be my baby boy. Mommy may have to share her time between you and baby Emma, but you will ALWAYS be just as important as her. I so want you to understand the love that I have for you sweet Silas. As your mommy, I am going to try really hard to make sure you don't feel left out once Emma makes her appearance. I want you to know mommy's heart is big enough to love you, Timmy and Emma. I will do everything I can to make sure you feel safe and secure and loved. I really think you are going to be a great big brother to Emma. I can't wait to watch you, Timmy and Emma playing together. My 3 precious children, gifts from God above.

Please don't ever forget that I love you with all my heart! You are my sweet treasure dear Silas!

Love Always,
Your Mommy

Seasons of Change - REVEALED

Well...it's now safe to reveal the Lockwood's seasons of change...

We are moving to North Carolina!

(Actually, Ed and the boys moved this past weekend.)

Ed and I have felt for a while that a change needed to take place for our family. We moved to GA in September of 2008, and it seemed like we were hit with valleys and mountain tops and then more valleys. It became clear after a year of Ed not being able to find work, that we need to pursue other locations. My family lives in Winston-Salem, NC, so Ed decided to pursue job opportunities in the area. We prayed and asked the Lord to guide our footsteps, to open doors and close doors and to show us where HE wanted us to be.

My little sister and brother-in-law moved to NC in September of 2008 from Germany, and in January of 2009, my BIL got a job at Market America in GSO. So, Ed looked and discovered there were some openings for customer service representatives at Market America. He sent his resume on a Tuesday, received a call on Thursday to set up an interview for the next Monday in NC. The interview went well, and they told us we should hear something in about 2 to 3 weeks. Well, let me just tell you, the waiting was the hardest part. But I remember my little sister telling me about a song that really helped her get through the waiting when Leo was looking for a job. It's by John Waller, it's called "While I'm Waiting" And it never failed...EVERYDAY when I was driving to or from work, that song would come on the radio, and it just reminded me to "wait on the Lord". We knew that if GOD wanted us in NC, then HE would open the doors.

So...we waited, 1 week turned to 2, and 2 weeks turned to 2 1/2...and then it happened...we got a phone call from Market America for Ed to have a final interview with the COO of the company. We were so excited, yet cautious and prayerful that God would continue to lead. In the meantime, we had decided that our best option was to move to NC when our lease was up in November, in the hopes that Ed would be able to find a job in NC by that time. We had decided the move date would be October 24th, because that would have given us two weeks to finalize things in GA, and it would be the end of 1 quarter for Timmy, and he could start the new quarter in his NC school. I was going to stay behind in GA and continue working at Life University until Ed found a job with the hopes that I would be able to come to NC by the 13th of November and not have to return to GA. When Ed got the call about the final interview, we decided it would be best for Silas to go ahead and move to NC and stay with my parents so that we could use that week to pack, clean, etc. Timmy would stay in NC and attend his school for one more week. So, Ed had the interview...he felt it went well, and they told him "you should hear back from us very soon".

We are left with waiting again....we had already placed this journey in the Lord's hands, so we knew that if HE wanted Ed at Market America...that it would all workout. Ed and Timmy moved to NC on Saturday, October 24th, and I moved in with some friends. We knew being separated was going to be hard on us, but we felt that it was important for me to continue at Life until Ed was receiving some income. We also had to think about our health insurance since Emma will be here in just 12 weeks...the longer I stay at Life, the less "Cobra" insurance we have to pay.

Well....today, October 27th, Ed received a job offer from Market America!!! When Ed called to tell me, I asked him if he was kidding with me. I couldn't believe we had our answer. God was providing a job for Ed in NC...near my family...before Emma was born...it was perfect timing.

The thought of being near my family when Emma is born brings tears to my eyes. The thought of me being able to be HOME WITH SILAS for 9 weeks before Emma comes, and help him with the transition of bringing home his little sister makes my heart flutter. But most of all...the thought of getting to spend SO much NEEDED time with my family leaves me speechless. NEVER in my WILDEST dreams would I have EVER pictured myself living back in NC with my family...it TRULY is a DREAM COME TRUE!

GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME...ALL THE TIME GOD IS GOOD

Happy Birthday To MY ONE AND ONLY LOVE

Today is a wonderful day in the Lockwood household, because we are celebrating the WONDERFUL birthday of the leader of our home...my hubby, Ed! I can't believe another birthday is upon us already. It seems like just yesterday we were celebrating Ed's first birthday away from Texas, and now here is birthday #2. I really wish he was able to spend his birthday with his Texas friends and family because he misses them SO much...but maybe Birthday 2010 can be spent in Texas - only the Lord knows.


I am hoping and praying that my man has a fabulous birthday and knows how much he means to me and the boys. Ed is the rock of our family! He is the man God made for me. God knew that I needed Ed to be my husband. Ed and I have walked through many trials and triumphs, and I wouldn't have wanted anyone else by my side. He is an AMAZING father to his little boys, and I CAN NOT WAIT to see him get to be "Daddy" to our baby girl Emma. I love that my husband is strong and protective, but can also show his sensitive side that I LOVE so much! I love how much he loves his family and friends, and am honored to be called his wife.

Happy 35th Birthday baby! Here's to 35 more!

My Boys at Work

Recently I have had to bring the boys to work on two separate occasions. Silas had to be dropped off a couple of weeks ago when our child care provider's son got sick at the last minute, and Ed had an appointment. Silas really liked Mommy's office...especially playing with the paperclips in Mommy's desk. It's been about a month and I am still finding paperclips in odd places in my desk drawer.

This week, Ed had to be out of town on Monday and Tuesday, so I picked Timmy up from school and brought him to the office for a couple of hours. The first day he did his homework and was really excited to be at my office.

The second day, he did his homework, but after that he was bored. So, I looked down at my "To Shred" pile and decided to let Timmy shred the pile for me. You would have thought I had just given him candy to eat. He was so excited! I had quite a bit of paper to shred, and we filled up one bag and started on another one. A little while later, he comes to my desk and says, "When I get older, I am going to get a job as a shredder, because I am really good at it." I just laughed and said Ok honey... When the pile was finished, he wanted more, so I took the time to clean out my desk and found more for him. He was so excited...See...
I liked having the boys at the office and being able to let them meet my co-workers. It was nice for the boys to be able to see where mommy works. If your company has "Bring your son or daughter to work day"...I HIGHLY recommend you partaking in the event. It was ALOT of fun for me to make memories with the boys!

Emma's 1st Shower

On Thursday, October 8th, my friend in Acworth, Sloan, threw a GA shower for me. It was the first shower I have had for Emma. I couldn't believe how precious all the decorations were and the PINK!!!!! It was SO fun to open gifts with pink and purple and brown...no BLUE! It hit me when I was opening up my gifts that "Wow! I am REALLY having a girl!" I had never had a baby girl shower, only baby boy showers, so opening up the girlie stuff was such a special treat. Here are some pics that my friend Keri took for me. Enjoy!!!!

The Table Spread of all of my favorite desserts!

The "E" hairbow holder that Sloan made for Emma's bows.

The boys helping me open a gift from Jenn and Gracyn.
It's the bumper for Emma's crib!

A precious purple gown, hat and blanket

I love this adorable sleeper. Emma will have lots of wear
out of her sleepers since she is due in January.

My friend Keri made me this adorable diaper cake.
It's so cute, I don't want to take it apart.
I will just have to wait until Emma needs size 1 diapers.

My last shower will be a family shower in North Carolina on November 14th. I am looking forward to this shower most of all, because for the first time, my little sister will actually be able to come to my baby shower...AND she is even getting to host it for me at her house. I am truly blessed!

My Precious Boys

I haven't posted in about two weeks, and I'm still not quite ready to share about our season of change, but I wanted to post about my boys.

Timmy has been growing up so much. Helping with Silas, laying hands on my belly and talking to Emma, being such a loving little boy. He's at the age where he is understanding more and more about how important God is in our life. We pray with him before bed and on the way to school, and we have been reading a Bible story book at night as part of our night time routine. Somehow we have lost the book, so Ed and I have just been telling him Bible stories from memory. I talked about Shadrach, Meschach and Abendnego and the next night Ed told him about Daniel and the Lions Den. He loves it when we tell him the stories and always reminds us at bedtime that he needs a story. Well, last night I decided to start reading the Bible to him. I started in Luke 1 with the story of Zechariah and Elisabeth. He thought it was really cool that "my name" was in the Bible like "his name" is in the Bible. I love his heart for the Bible, and how much he enjoys reading it. So, later that night, I heard his bathroom door open and I go to check on him. He was sitting on the toilet, reading his Bible. It was like the Bible was his "toilet reading" so to speak. When he first started to read, he read Psalms 23, so he enjoys reading that Psalm over and over again. I am hoping that Ed and I are able to be the parents that we need to be and raise Timmy the way God wants us to. I hope that Timmy comes to know Christ as HIS personal Savior and grows up to love God with all his heart, soul and mind.

Silas has officially moved out of the crib. I felt like it was time to move the twin bed into his room since he seemed to be getting too big for the crib. Unfortunately for Ed, it hasn't turned out to be the best timing.... Saturday was the first day he was to sleep in his big boy bed...at nap time, he REFUSED to stay in the bed. He kept crying and coming out of the bedroom, so I kept putting him back in the bed and telling him "night night" and that routine happened about 3 to 4 times. After that, he was getting the snubs, so I decided I would lay down on the floor next to his bed, wait til he fell asleep and then crawl out. It worked for about 45 minutes and then he woke up/sat up and saw that I wasn't there and out the door he came. I decided, naptime was over and we went about our day. Ed came home from work that evening and I shared with him about our "big boy bed" fiasco. So, Ed said he would give it a try. Wouldn't you know that the boy went right to sleep with no tears or coming out of his bed!!!! I couldn't believe it...Ed was beaming with pride that "Daddy can take care of business." Well, fast forward to Monday...when Silas was in the crib, he wouldn't cry out for Ed until after 9:00 most mornings...now that he can get out of bed..in walks Silas to our bedroom around 8:00....needless to say, Ed wasn't quite ready for this to happen. If you know my hubby, you know that he is a night owl and NOT a morning person. So, 8:00 was a little early for him..but he managed. We thought Silas might be sick or not feeling well, so Ed took him into the doctor, and sure enough...ear infection in his left ear. All day Silas was VERY clingy, wanting to be held, and never wanting to be put down. He didn't nap on Monday, so when I put him to bed around 7:30...he went to bed with no crying or fussing and went to sleep pretty quickly. Well, this morning at 6:00...I hear Silas crying...it was actually at 5:58 because my alarm is set for 6:00 and I knew my alarm hadn't went off yet...I waited to see if he would just cry himself back to sleep, but a few minutes later...I hear his door open and out he walks crying for "Da Dee", I try to keep him quiet so that Ed can sleep while I am getting ready for work, but Silas will have none of this...he cries even harder for "Da Dee" and goes straight into our bedroom and snuggles up next to Ed. I leave Silas in there thinking that maybe he will fall back to sleep, but about 5 minutes later, out walks Ed with Silas. I felt soooo bad that Silas was up so early. See, Ed works in the evenings, and doesn't get home until after midnight/1am so Ed hadn't had much sleep. I told Ed I still had an hour before I needed to leave for work, that I would keep Silas and he could go back to bed. Before I left, I put the pack n play up in Silas' room so that Ed could lay him back down and Silas would sleep and not be able to get out. I don't think that the timing of moving Silas into a big boy bed was very good...but it's too late to turn back now. Silas is usually an excellent sleeper, I think he is not sleeping well because he doesn't feel good. I am REALLY hoping that he will take his naps today....I know his little body needs the rest.

I am so thankful for my boys and for how much fun they are watching them grow up. I can't WAIT for Emma to get here so that I can see my boys with their baby sister! I am a little worried about Silas, but we talk about babies and Emma all the time...I am just not sure he has put two and two together. I only have 13 weeks left....time will tell.

Season of Change

Our family is currently going through a Season of Change. It's not official or complete yet, so I won't share details until it is, but life in the Lockwood house has had it's ups and downs. Ed and I have been reflecting on this past year, Sept 08 through Sept 09, and discussing the journey our lives have taken in Georgia.

There have been many blessings along the way: friendships started, relationships strengthened, health restored, a new baby girl on the way kicking me as I type, and so much more. There have also been tests and trials on this journey, times of brokenness, desert times, and feelings of loneliness.

Since we have now passed the "year" mark of living in GA, we have once again needed to refocus our attention on God and what HE wants from us. Unfortunately, I can tell you from personal experience, that when things were going "good" I tended to put God on a shelf, but when things were hard, and uncertain is when I would cry out to God for help. This is not something I am proud of, and it's something that I had to confess to God. See, God is a jealous God, and HE wants me to place HIM first in my life.

I recently joined an online Bible Study called Bloom. For our first book, we are reading Francis Chan's, "Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God". We have only went through the first two chapters, but it has REALLY opened up my eyes to so many things. One of them being how holy and majestic our God is. Another thing is how in the Bible, it says, "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! (Phil 4:4) Chan follows this verse with the following paragraph:
"You'll notice that it doesn't end with "...unless you're doing something extremely important." No, it's a command for all of us, and it follows with the charge, "Do not be anxious about anything." (v. 6). That came as a pretty staggering realization. But what I realized next was even more staggering. When I am consumed by my problems - stressed out about my life, my family, and my job - I actually convey the belief that I think the circumstances are more important than God's command to always rejoice. In other words, that I have a "right" to disobey God because of the magnitude of my responsiblities."
So, this whole year, when things have been hard, and rough, and uncertain...I have been commanded to rejoice, and by NOT doing so, it's like me saying that I know what's better for me than God. I got stopped on this page for a day or two, and then picked up the book and finished the chapter. So many times I feel like I am just going through the motions of everyday life. I want my life to be intentionally focused on God...I want to have such a relationship with HIM, that I don't need to "wait until my quiet time" to have a conversation with my Saviour. To be able to stop what I am doing and PRAY when I am prompted to pray, to be able to release all my cares on HIM and let go, not holding anything back...to trust FULLY on the ONE who already knows what the outcome of this "CHANGE" will be.

Last night in my quiet time, I picked up the Our Daily Bread devotional book and turned to September 23rd. The verses assigned for that day were just what I needed to hear in that moment, "John 14:12-14 - Truly, truly I say to you, whoever belives in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works than these will he do, because I am going to the Father. Whatever you ask in my name, this will I do, that the Father may be glorified in this Son. If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it." Then, this morning, I turned to September 24th, and the title is Contentment and the verses are Matthew 6:24-34 when it talks about do not be anxious, about God clothing the lilies of the field, take no thought for what you shall eat, what you shall wear, etc. SEEK FIRST HIS KINGDOM and ALL THESE THINGS shall be added unto you.

I must share a blessing that happened recently in my life that supports these verses I read today concerning, "What shall I wear?". Ed and I have recently made new friends who go to our church and live just down the road from our house. They have 2 small boys, a 20 month old, and a 8 month old. A couple of weeks ago, we were hanging out with them at the their house when the subject of "maternity clothes" came up. Ed and I are extremely tight with our money right now, so buying me maternity clothes for the winter is way down on the list of priorities. Well, out of the blue, my friend goes, "Elizabeth....hold on...I'll be right back." She leaves the room and comes back down the stairs carrying two VERY large tubs of...you guessed it...maternity clothes! There are SO many clothes in these tubs that it's like Christmas morning every time I need to pick out something to wear. I was so BLESSED by this amazing gesture. Now, I am totally set when it comes to winter maternity clothes. This just proved to me that GOD IS watching over us and HE does CARE about the little things in our life.

Please continue to pray for our family as we are in this season of change that God's peace and direction would be so real to us. I will try to update the blog more regularly...if there is even anyone reading this blog still...it really does help me to put my thoughts on "computer".

God Bless each of you!

Emma Grace Lockwood

That is the name of the baby girl I am blessed to be carrying in my belly right now. I could NOT contain my excitement yesterday when we found out that our baby is a GIRL!

As long as I can remember, I have always wanted a daughter. I have always wanted to have a mother/daughter relationship, and God in is infinite power, has decided to make my dreams come true.

I can't wait until the day that Emma is born and they place her on my stomach and I look into the eyes of my daughter. Daughter...I love that word. I love it when it's used because of me. I love being a daughter to my parents. My mother and I didn't always have the best relationship...my middle school years were pretty rough, and I didn't always treat my mother with the respect that she deserves. But as I have gotten older, I have come to know and love my mother in a deeper way than I ever have in my life. I think when daughters become mothers...the mothers take on a more special role.

I will never forget calling my mother on NUMEROUS occassions when my oldest son was a baby/toddler and saying these words, "Mom, if I was anything like Timmy is right now..God Bless You!" Me becoming a mother thrust me into my mother's world. I was so far from home, and yet my mother was ALWAYS there for me...day or night. Everyday that my mother is on this earth, is sweeter than the day before.

I loved getting to call my mother yesterday to tell her she will have her 2nd granddaughter. I love that I will now have new "mother" things to talk about with raising my daughter. I am so blessed beyond words for this wonderful gift. I pray that my relationship with Emma will be just as close as my relationship with my mother. My mother has been my rock this past year, and I hope to one day be able to be that "Rock" for Emma.

Thank you God for my daughter!

My Little Boy Silas

Do you like Silas' hair? If you know my Silas, then you know he sucks his two middle fingers on his right hand and twirls his hair with his left hand. This used to happen all the time, but lately, we have noticed that he only sucks his fingers when he is tired, going to sleep or has gotten in trouble. Since he "twirled" his hair in his fingers, we had been keeping his hair a little longer on the top. It got to the point where the hair was just unruly. I mean, it would just NOT lay down and it got too long to "style". So, Saturday, I asked Ed if we would cut the boys hair. He has already been cutting Timmy's hair, and I finally gave in and told Ed to cut Silas' hair short all over. I must say...he looks quite adorable with his hair cut so short. He no longer can "twirl" his hair, but he rubs and pats his hair instead. He looks like such a big boy.

Everytime I look at him now, I realize he is going to be a big brother. I can't believe that Silas is not going to be the "baby" anymore. I know that my baby isn't due until January, and I will cherish EVERY moment of this time keeping Silas as my baby. At the same time, he will need to transition to a big boy bed because the crib needs to be for the baby. The bed is already set up in Timmy's room, but the thought of Silas being more mobile isn't something we are quite ready for. I always look at the boys before I go to bed, and last night, I noticed that Silas is getting so long, that he really only has about a foot left before he will be too big for the crib. I guess one day, we are just going to have to get brave and try it out.

I know...he can't be a baby forever...but he will always be "my" baby! A gift God gave to me the summer after I miscarried the first time. God is good, all the time, all the time, God is good.

Not Me Monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I most certainly did NOT leave a load of wet towels in the washer all night on Saturday. I then most certainly did NOT just wash them again on Sunday night. They are most certainly NOT still in the washing machine on Monday morning. I always stay on top of my laundry duties!

I did NOT go to Wally world during my lunch break last week, and I did NOT buy Gatorade, Swiss Cake Rolls and Almond Joys. This is NOT the wierdest pregnancy craving I have had this go round...I am NOT still enjoying those Swiss Cake Rolls at my desk. YUM!

I have NOT been counting down the days to find out the sex of the baby in my belly. I am NOT secretly hoping for a little girl. I am NOT planning to take a half day on "the" day so that if baby is said girl, I will NOT go and buy something pink. (Note: I WILL be thrilled if it's another boy, but there is no harm in hoping for a girl)

Here's what I did NOT do...how about you?

17 weeks and growing

So, here you have it. My very first pregnancy picture this time around. I have been meaning to take a picture before now, but I never seem to remember when Ed or I have a camera. I can't believe it's been 17 weeks. My next appointment is on August 11th, and at that appointment, I will make THE appointment. You know, the appointment where they check all the baby's body parts and organs...the appointment where we will know if I am carrying our Emma Grace or our Jacob Neal. I can't wait to find out...I will really be happy with whatever God has blessed us with, but I am secretly hoping for a little girl. I am outnumbered right now, and would LOVE to have another girl on my side. Plus, this pregnancy has been different than with the boys. I have been sick, sick, sick all the way up to last week. So, 16 weeks of feeling sick is yucky, but so worth it.

I have to tell you something that Timmy said last night that was just precious. I had a craving for Wendy's Chili. I know...it's in the heat of the summer, and I want hot chili...but the baby wants what the baby wants. Anyway, I am sitting there eating my chili sitting next to Timmy, and with every bite that goes into my mouth, I am making a sound like "Mmmmmm". (If you are a member of my family...you can remember this sound well.) He looks at me, rubs my belly, and then says, does the baby like that chili? I just smiled at him and said, absolutely!

I am hoping to continue updating this blog about my pregnancy. I am finally feeling better and have a ton of energy that I didn't have for the past 16 weeks. Stay tuned...I will let you know THE appointment date next week.

A Refuge in Times of Trouble

My mom called today to give me a verse she read during her quiet time. She thought it would be bring me encouragement. My mom is ALWAYS thinking about her children and praying for us on a daily basis, so when she called to give me this verse. I felt blessed to have this word from the Lord.

Nahum 1:7 (NIV)

The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him

This verse really speaks to me right now. If you have been following my blog, then you know that Ed and I stepped out on faith and moved to Atlanta, GA so Ed could work with ISF. Things have DEFINITELY been tough for us, but as written in past blogs, God has never left us. We have truly been blessed through this journey.

After reading this verse from mom, I felt it important to share a recent "blessing" we received from the Lord. Our van had a flat tire on Sunday, and thankfully, our spare is a real tire and not a doughnut. So, Ed was able to drive the van to get the flat tire looked at. He took the tire to a "used" tire place that was recommended by a close friend in Acworth. Upon arriving, Ed found out that we needed 2 tires instead of just the one that was flat. Everyone knows that tires are NOT cheap these days, and with needing 2, I was so worried that it would cost us an arm and a leg. But, what are you to do when you rely on that vehicle to transport your family to and fro. However, I was thrilled when Ed called me and told me that they gave us 2 used, but look brand new tires for....get this...$50 TOTAL. That is with labor AND the cost of the tires! I shouted PRAISE THE LORD! I know to some this may not sound like much, but when money is tighter than it has EVER been...this was TRULY God caring for us.

I have to come to relish in the "little" blessings in my life, and most of the time, those "little" blessings turn out to be HUGE!

Timmy's First Grade Year

Well, my boy started 1st grade today! I can not believe that his summer is over. It seems like it just started, and now he returns to school on August 3rd. I think that is the earliest I have ever heard of starting a school year, but Cherokee County gives a week break every 6 weeks or so. He will have a "Fall Break" in September, a week at Thanksgiving, a couple of weeks at Christmas, a "Winter Break" in February, a "spring break" in April and school out by Memorial Day. Whew...that made me tired just writing it.

I know he is my son, but I feel Timmy has matured some over the summer. I KNOW he grew because his jeans are somewhat "high waters" if you know what I mean. Thankfully, he can wear shorts to school until it gets colder, so it will give me an opportunity to get him some jeans/pants before he HAS to wear them.

Last Thursday was the "meet and greet" at his school. Ed had to work that night, and I left Silas with a babysitter so it could just be a "Timmy" night. He was SO excited to meet his teacher and see his classroom. When we got to the school, the parking lot was like a parking lot...there wasn't a single space available. People were parking on the sidewalks, parking at houses up the street and walking...I decided to try my luck at the bus parking lot, and luckily..there was a space available. Once we got into the school, we went to the "wall" to see what classroom he was in and what hallway we needed to take to get there.

We found the hallway and classroom with no problems, and in entered Timmy. I wish I had brought my camera because I have never seen him walk with his shoulders held high and his chest sticking out...too funny. We were introduced to his teacher, Miss Roach, and she showed Timmy where his desk was. He was so excited that he had his very own desk with a shelf to put his supplies and books in. While Miss Roach was going over some basic information with me, Timmy sat down at his desk and was just beaming from ear to ear. After awhile, a little boy came in that was in Timmy's kindergarten class and that just thrilled Timmy to pieces. He didn't think he would know anyone in his class.

After we said goodbye to Miss Roach, Timmy wanted to go see if he could find Miss Parker, his K5 teacher. We found her and he ran in and gave her a big hug! She said, "Timmy, you have grown over the summer, and he said, "Yes I have." She asked him who his teacher was and he said, "Miss Roach...like the bug" I had to laugh quietly to myself because when we were walking to find Mrs. Parker, Timmy was having trouble remembering his teacher's name, so I told him it was Miss Roach like the bug. I had no idea that was how he would tell other people.

Timmy is a car rider, and I wanted to walk with him from the car rider door to his classroom to make sure he knew how to get there. So we walked to the car rider door, turned around and off we went. I started walking beside him, and he turned around and said, you follow me so I can show you where to go. This kid is hilarious. Once again, walking down the long, main hallway to the "blue hallway", he walked with his chest out and shoulders raised. He was so proud of himself. I was very impressed...he found his classroom again with no problems.

Fast Forward to this morning....I woke him at 6:30 and he opened his eyes with a smile on his face and jumped out of bed. (Oh how I wish EVERY morning was like the 1st day of school) He was really excited to get to school, that he kept rushing me to get ready and for us to leave. It was 7:00 and he wanted to walk out the door. They don't even open the car rider line until 7:10, so we were a little early. We got to the school, and IT WAS UNBELIEVABLE. I think every parent was walking there child to class that day. There were like 100 parents in the office when I went in to get Timmy's car rider pass. I ended up walking Timmy to class, and once again, followed him with his chest out and his shoulders raised. He walked straight into the classroom and sat down at his desk. He was so proud to be there. As we were walking to class, he asked me, "Do you think Miss Roach is going to be pretty today?" (She is a VERY beautiful young lady, and he talked about how pretty she was over the weekend) I told him, "Timmy, I am sure she is going to be pretty everyday"

I am hoping that he is excited about going to school for years to come, but I am sure as he gets older, it will be harder and harder to get him ready for school. I will just cherish these young years when school is all the rage. I can't wait to get home from work to get a full report on the 1st day of school in 1st grade!

Going Through The Motions

This week has been just what I have needed during this time in my life. My boys are spending the week with my sister in NC so that Ed could help out ISF with training camp. I have been able to spend time thinking and reflecting on our situation, and thanking God once again for the blessings. Don't get me wrong, I miss my boys terribly, but having a quiet house at night has been a nice change for a little while.

Recently, I have come to learn about several people going through traumatic changes in their life. Some of these people I know very personally, and others are strangers. It has made me once again put my life into perspective. Our finances are tighter than they have ever been...sometimes we don't know how we are going to buy groceries and gas, much less any "wants". But as I mentioned in my previous post, Ed and I have been blessed. We do not have to worry about losing our car, we do not have to worry about getting evicted, we have water and electricity. Our children are healthy, they do not have a long term illness. I am pregnant with our 3rd child, and each day that passes brings me one day closer to meeting this baby that God has entrusted me to carry. We have been blessed with a 2nd car as a gift which has allowed us to actually save money on gas. I could go on and on about how I am blessed...but I say all of this to lead into the reason for the title of my post.

With all that I have, I don't want to be "comfortable" with just going through the motions. I don't want to just be satisfied with our blessings, and forget to make God the priority in my life. I have a tendency when things are going good, to put God on a shelf and act like I don't need HIM. But when things are stressful, and I don't know where the money is going to come from to pay for this or that, then I want to take God off the shelf and beg HIM to help me. But what kind of relationship is that with the ONE who gives me breath to breathe, blesses us beyond our comprehension, and watches over and protects us on a daily basis. (I can name at least 4 incidents in the past 2 weeks where I know an angel put their hand on my bumper and prevented someone from hitting me.) I should never be "going through the motions". First and foremost, GOD should be the center of my universe. So many times I put Ed and the boys above God and that shouldn't be. When we moved up here to GA, we were stepping out on faith. But do I really have the faith and believe that God can take care of us? If so, then why do I find myself trying to "control" areas in my life that should be HIS. My whole LIFE should be HIS, and yet somehow, in my little woman brain, I think I know what's best for my life. It's during these times where I put God on the shelf, when things are the hardest for us. I want my every breath to be about HIM...I want my faith to be so strong, that I NEVER put God on a shelf again. I don't want to go through the motions...I want a deep, personal relationship with my Saviour. I can't have that relationship if I don't spend time with HIM, in the word, in prayer on a consistent, daily basis.

Timmy is getting ready to start 1st grade on August 3rd, and I am determined to get into a routine where family devotions is a priority! I remember vividly the nights when I was younger, that our family would sit in the living room, and Dad would open up that big, white family Bible and we would spend time TOGETHER as a family in the Word. I also remember how exciting it was when I could FINALLY read and was able to take that big, white family Bible and read a passage on my own. I want Timmy to experience that. Ed and I need to be intentional with our son's lives. We don't need to rely on the church to raise them up spiritually. That is OUR responsibility as parents. I want our boys to truly understand what it means to walk by faith and not by sight. I want them to understand the reason why we left Texas and moved to GA. But most importantly, I want them to come to know the Lord as their personal Saviour. I want them to know God on a personal level, and understand what it means to follow HIM.

This week has definitely been a week of reflection. I look forward to bringing my boys back on Sunday, and starting a fresh, new walk where GOD is the center of our universe.

Above All Else..I AM BLESSED

I just have to say what a WONDERFUL summer of 2009 this has turned out to be! The past 10 months have DEFINITELY been THE HARDEST months of my entire life. God has truly used this time in our lives to refine us to become more like HIM. Never would I have dreamed when I pulled out of UMHB in September of 2008, that Ed and I would have so many HIGHS and LOWS in our adventures of walking by faith.

When we left UMHB to move to Atlanta, we knew upon arriving, that ISF was unable to pay Ed for working. We were coming on a volunteer basis, because we HEARD God tell us to "Go Now!" ISF had a need, and we were being called to meet that need. We didn't have a place to live, we didn't have jobs, we didn't have a church home anymore...we only had each other and the FAITH that GOD will take care of us. And even though Ed still doesn't have a full time job...God has TRULY taken care of us. We have been blessed beyond measure. Not necessarily FINANCIAL blessing...but God's blessings do not always have to be financial.
HE has blessed us with amazing family and friends who have stepped up right beside us to walk this road with us.
HE has lead us to a new home church where we sit under a pastor who loves God and who loves people and truly challenges us each and every week to persevere in our faith. I can't tell you how many times the sermons that Pastor George has preached have been the exact words we needed to hear.
HE has given us a community/small group that has wrapped their arms around us and loved us, prayed with us, cried with us, and rejoices with us. They have become like family to us, and we are so blessed to be in their lives.
HE has walked with us through another miscarriage in January, actually carrying us most of the time, and then turned right around and BLESSED us with our next child that I carry with honor and gratitude.
In May, we were blessed to get a taste of TEXAS when Ed's best friend Tim and his precious wife dropped in for a visit. Oh, how we needed a touch of "home".
HE has made it possible for our NC family members to visit on 3 different occassions this summer, and EACH of those times, we have been ABUNDANTLY blessed by their visit.
HE has provided ways for our NC family to watch our boys on the two most important weeks in ISF for Ed - training camp.
HE has used my father to bless us by GIVING us a car, so now we are a 2 car family. This has saved us time AND money on gas!
HE has blessed me with a little sister who gives me a glimpse of the goodness of God EVERYTIME I am with her. We are both living in different places this year than we were last year. God has been working in her famiy in the past year and I am HONORED to be able to sit and watch how GOOD GOD has been to her and her family! I love you little Nikki! Thanks for blessing me this week!

After all of these blessings, I can't help but throw my worries about our future aside and dwell on the fact that GOD has NEVER left us! And because of that I can say,

ABOVE ALL ELSE....I AM BLESSED

Just Look To The Right

Do you see it? I am THRILLED to announce the suprise blessing of baby #3 scheduled to arrive January 13, 2010. Ed and I chose to wait until I reached the 12 week mark before sharing our news. After the miscarriage in January, we wanted to make sure this baby was going to be ok. I have been to the doctor 3 times already and have had 3 ultra sounds. The doctor says this pregnancy looks great!

I had SO much fun spilling the beans to my family this weekend in North Carolina. We told Timmy on Thursday night that Mommy had a baby in her belly. And all weekend, we allowed Timmy to be the one to share the news with our family. He was thrilled to announce that he was going to be a big brother again.

I look at Silas, and I can't believe he is going to be a big brother now...he looks so little. But I can't wait to find out the sex of this baby at the end of the August. We are hoping for a girl, but will be happy to just have a healthy baby.

Whew...now I feel like I can start regularly blogging again. It was so hard not to write about this pregnancy or how I was feeling because it was a secret. Keep checking back and I will have updates as they arise. I love the widget on the blog, because it lets you see what the baby looks like inside.

PRAISE GOD FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW!

Claiming These Verses

These verses about sum up how my life has been right now. They gave me such comfort today!

Matthew 6:25-34 (ESV)

25) Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?
26) Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not more value than they?
27) And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?
28) And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin,
29) yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
30) But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
31) Therefore do not be anxious by saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'
32) For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father KNOWS that you need them all.
33) But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and ALL these things will be added to you.
34) Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

AMEN and AMEN

Long Overdue Update

It's been awhile since I have updated the blog, and I decided today would be as good a day as any. My mom came to visit from May 22nd through June 1st, so that was a MUCH NEEDED visit for me. It was so good having family visit in Atlanta. Sometimes Ed and I feel alone, and it was just good for me to have family in town.

TIMMY - finished Kindergarten on May 29th! He is officially a 1st grader. I don't think he quite understands what summer vacation really means yet, but I am sure it will catch on pretty quickly. He enjoyed having Nana here for a week, and is counting down the days when Nana, Papa and Titi come down for a visit during the 4th of July week. He LOVES to go swimming and is so excited that our apartment has a pool.

SILAS - is learning more and more words everyday. I am really going to have to video him talking. He has a deep little voice, and his mouth looks precious when he says his words. He and Timmy have really enjoyed playing together. Silas will just squeal with laughter when Timmy chases him around the apartment. It's so cute to watch this brotherhood!

ED - had a job interview for a Full Time job on June 1st, but we found out on Friday, that he didn't get it :( He is still working part-time at the Movie Theatre, but the income he and I are bringing in is not enough to make ends meet. So, he started applying at more jobs over the weekend. If you would, please pray for Ed to find the job that God wants him to have, and that we would have patience as we wait for God's timing.

ME - I am still working full time at Life University. I have 4 courses left in my Medical Transcriptionist course, and I hoping to finish by the end of the summer, if not sooner. I REALLY want to be able to work at home as soon as possible, but I know I have to wait for God's timing. I miss the boys when I am at work, especially now that Timmy is out of the school for the summer.

I am hoping to blog more often this month, but sometimes, I get so bogged down with things at work, that time just slips by. I hope that you all are having a very enjoyable summer! Just think...2 more months, school starts again :)

I FINALLY Won!!!

I have entered about a hundred or so blog giveaways since I started blogging, and I NEVER have won until TODAY! My friend Amy, from Texas, did a blog giveaway for her 1 year blog anniversary, and I WON by random draw! Woo Hoo! Head on over to her blog to see what I won! :) This just made my day!

Um...Excuse Me.

I was in the Women's bathroom today at my place of employment taking care of business. I finished...came around the corner to wash my hands...and you will never guess what I saw...












...there was a male student washing his hands in the first sink. He looked at me through the mirror with a shocked look on his face and said, "Am I in the wrong bathroom?" (In my head I said, "Either that or I am.") I said, "Yeah...this is the women's bathroom." He responded with "holy crap, I just came in here to blow my nose and wash my hands. I have been sick for 4 days and can't seem to get my bearings." The whole time we are talking, we are both just washing our hands. I mean he didn't even quickly put an end to the handwashing...he just stood there having a conversation with a stranger in the female bathroom. We both finished about the same time, and he held open the door for me. I must say, that I have never had a gentleman open the door for me in a WOMEN'S BATHROOM!

It definitely gave me a laugh today...I hope you enjoyed this too.

My 2 Boys

Monday night, Timmy's t-ball team had an awards banquet to give out end of season awards. Timmy has really enjoyed playing t-ball this year. It wasn't as competitive as the team in Belton last summer, but Timmy didn't really notice the difference. He has a great arm, and did really good in the outfield. He was really hard on himself when he didn't get the ball or didn't get someone out. One game, he was playing first base, and instead of watching for someone to throw him the ball, he would watch the runner coming to first base. Well, the other teammates were throwing the ball to 1st base. Then, he had to run and get the ball and off the runner went. It took us a couple runners to get him to look for the ball. He did really good and his mommy & daddy couldn't have been more proud of him.

Here is a picture of Silas' face after eating his mini-cupcake. For some reason, when Silas' hands are dirty, he doesn't give me a chance to wipe them off...he just rubs his hands in his hair and down his face. Timmy didn't like anything on his hands, and would just shake them until I would wipe them off. Not, Silas...he just wipes them off in his hair. This kid has had more baths because of dirty hair than because of dirty body!

Here is a picture of Timmy and the medal he received at the banquet. All the kids got medals. He was so proud of himself. They also got treat bags with "baseball" candy and toys.

Timmy only has 1 more week of school left. I can NOT believe his kindergarten year is just about over. My baby is going to be in 1st Grade next year! WOW...that makes me feel old!

Mother's Day Gift and a Heaven Story

This Mother's Day, I received a precious gift from Timmy. He came home on Friday with a black scroll with a ribbon around it and told me it was for my special day. So, on Sunday morning, I opened up the scroll. On the top was a picture that Timmy drew of me, and on the bottom was this:

His teacher had asked him questions, and he "filled in the blank". Since it's hard to read, I will retype it here. (Timmy's answers are in bold)

My Mom is the most wonderful mom in the world!

Her name is Elizabeth.
She's as pretty as a rainbow.
She is 40 years old.
She has green eyes and red hair.
She weighs 55 pounds and is 10 feet tall.
Her favorite food is pizza.
In the good ole days when she was little, she used to play with baby toys.
I think my Mom is funny when she is silly.
But I know when she's really angry when I get on red.
I wouldn't trade my mom for X-men.
I love my Mom because she makes great food.

Happy Mother's Day Mom
Love, Timmy (I love that he signed his own name)

Timmy was SO proud of this gift. He gave me about a million hugs on Mother's Day! I told him that HE was the one that made me a mommy, and I that I love him very much! I was able to spend the day with my husband and my boys...it was a great day.

HEAVEN STORY - The sweet, precious baby that I have been praying for since last year, Kayleigh Anne Freeman, passed away last night. If you have been reading my blog, then you know about sweet Kayleigh. If you don't know what I am talking about, please click on the "Praying for Kayleigh" button on my sidebar. My heart goes out to this family right now. They never got to bring her home to her room. Please pray with me for peace for this family during this time.

Not Me Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

This week, I did NOT explain, in detail, what a tornado was to my 6 year old son. He does NOT think that every cloud in the sky is going to be a tornado. He does NOT think that our van will get turned upside down because of a tornado. I would NEVER tell my 6 year old what a real tornado was, I always sugarcoat catastrophic events.

After MckMama's Reality TV Show Tweet, I did NOT respond with a title idea. I did NOT then dream about winning the little contest. I further then did NOT dream I was a part of said Reality TV Show and was "on the set" with MckMama.

While doing laundry this week, I did NOT leave a washed load of clothes in the washing machine for 2 days. I did NOT re-wash that load again with more soap, they did NOT smell of mildew after the 2nd washing. I did NOT put 3 dryers sheets in the dryer to get rid of the mildew smell. They did NOT come out smelling like fabric softener.

That was my week...how was yours?

My Mother

I am blessed beyond measure when it comes to Mothers. You see, I have the best mother in the world.

When I was little, I wanted to be just like her. I remember the mornings I would walk into her room and find her sitting on her bed, with her Bible in her lap, her hands folded, praying. She instilled in my sisters and I a passion for the Lord.

As I got older, say 5th or 6th grade, I went through a TERRIBLE period of my life when I hated my mother. I don't remember every detail, because I think I've blocked it out on purpose. But, I do remember my mom giving me a journal so that I could write my feelings down...it was red with teddy bears, and the teddy bears were wearing blue overalls. It had a lock and key. I didn't write very many entries. But years later...when I was getting ready to go to college...I found that journal, opened it up and read what I wrote. It broke my heart....one particular entry said, "I HATE MY MOM! SHE DOESN'T LOVE ME LIKE SHE LOVES TINA AND NIKKI." I was literally in tears because my mother has NEVER hated me. She has NEVER loved me less than my sisters. She has ALWAYS wanted the VERY best for me...even if that meant it was hard on her.

When I was in high school, I became much closer to my mother. The adolescent years had quickly gone away, and mom became my best friend. I watched as she sacrificed for her family in so many ways. I was so proud of her for going back to college while I was in high school, and we shared graduation years. I graduated from high school in 1992, and she graduated from college in 1992.

After high school, I went to college. And it wasn't until I was away from home that I realized how much I truly did love my mother. I missed her like crazy. We had a scheduled once a week phone call, but we always ended up talking more than just once a week.

After college, I moved back home with my parents while I determined what I was going to do with my life. I remember driving home late one night from Lynchburg, VA to ask my parent's if I could move back home. I cried all the way there, because I wanted to be near them again. Without hestitation, my parents resounded emphatically with Yes, Of Course...this will always be your home.

While I was living at home, I met my husband online and got engaged and moved to Texas. Here I was, once again, moving away from her. From September to February, we had LOTS of fun planning the wedding. Since the wedding was in NC, and I was already settling into Texas life, mom had to do alot of the ground work. We spoke almost everyday. I think my love got enormously stronger during the week of my wedding. Things were really stressful for me, and the Thursday night before the wedding, I came home late after dropping the wedding party off at my aunt's house, and my mom was still up. It was the first time all day that I got to see her face to face after the craziness of the day...I walked into her room, fell on the bed and just cried, and cried. My mom, in her usual way, held me in her arms and told me everything was going to be ok. She always has the right words to say.

In 2003, I became a mother...I will never forget calling her at 5 AM on April 30th and asking her if I what I was experiencing was labor. See, she was unable to be there for the birth of my firstborn because she was a school teacher. Oh, how I wanted her to be there. I remember all the many, many times I would call her and say, "Mom, if I was anything like Timmy, God Bless You." I quickly realized that being a mother is not an easy task. But I am most proud of the fact, that I now share that title with her. After all of these years, I truly understood a Mother's Love. I understood how hard my mother prayed for us girls. I understood how a mother's love is so unconditional. I understood that no matter what my son did...I could NEVER stop loving him.

In March of 2006, I had a miscarriage. I was at home in NC visiting for Spring Break when it happened. God orchestrated the events to take place in NC...with my mom. See, she had a miscarriage after me, and before my sister...she knew the pain I was going through. No-one else in my family had experienced what I was going through..she knew exactly what to say, and when to say it...but most importantly...she held me when I cried. I know it was breaking her heart to see one of her daughters go through this, but God allowed her to be strong for me.

In September of 2006, I found out I was pregnant again. I called my mom first to tell her...I knew that she would be so happy for me. She retired in May of 2006, so I knew that she would be available to come down for the birth. It's always been a dream of mine to have my mother in the room when my children were born. Since she couldn't be there for Timmy, she promised she would be there for Silas. **I must give further details about the day Silas was born. My mom and husband came with me at 6am to get admitted in the hospital. I was being induced, but I didn't want mom to miss anything. Let me just tell you...my mother was amazing that day! She NEVER left the room unless I MADE her go get herself something to eat. She waited so long to eat meals that day, because she knew I couldn't eat, and she didn't want to eat in front of me. When my progress was slow, and my husband had fallen asleep in the recliner, and I was so frustrated that it was taking so long...my mom was there for me. She helped me get my mind off the slowness and off the renovations going on above our room. When it was time for me to push...she was right there...watching her grandson take his first breath. She stayed with me in the hospital, and even though she was tired, and had been awake as long as I had, she took care of Silas so I could sleep. She stayed with me for 3 weeks after Silas was born, and I will NEVER forget those 3 weeks. My dream had come true for my mother to be there, and it was PERFECT!

The older I get, the more I have to appreciate who my mother is, what my mother has done, and how blessed I am to be able to call her MY Mother. Life for me since I moved to GA has been the hardest road I have ever walked in my life. But the one constant, encouraging thing through it all is my mother. She ALWAYS knows exactly what I need to hear. She ALWAYS thinks about me. And I feel honored that she talks to God about me, because I consider my mother one of the biggest prayer warriors on this planet. From the first memory I have of walking into her room and seeing her praying, she has been consistently walking with the Lord and serving Him. I pray the Lord comes back to earth and takes us ALL home before my mother passes away...because... I don't know if I can live without her.

So Mom, as I sit her sobbing, I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I can't say it enough. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being such a godly mother, Nana, daughter, and friend. I pray that I can raise my boys the way you have raised me and my sisters. Please remember whenever you are having a bad day...that you are TRULY the GREATEST MOTHER I could have EVER dreamed of having.

I miss you and can't wait til you come to GA for a visit! I need some Mama loving! :)

One For the Record Book

This morning on the way to school, Timmy and I engaged in a conversation that went something like this....

Mommy: "What special do you have on Wednesday?"

Timmy: "Art. I don't like art."

Mommy: "Why don't you like art? Are you not an artist?

Timmy: "No, I am a PE-tist."

I about had to pull the car over I was laughing so hard. Timmy's favorite subject, other than Math, is PE! I couldn't believe that he came up with PE-tist on his own. After I asked him about not being an artist, I was afraid I was going to have to explain that word, and he pulls out PE-tist!

He is TOO funny sometimes.

My Baby is 2

In March of 2006, I had my first miscarriage. At that time, I didn't think that I would ever have another baby...but GOD had other plans. I found out in September of 2006 that I was going to have a baby in May of 2007. I was THRILLED! I did not let a day go by that I didn't praise our Father in heaven for allowing me to carry this child another day.

On May 5, 2007, Silas Alexander Lockwood was born. He had the most beautiful head of dark hair that I had ever seen on a baby. He had the chubbiest little cheeks that I could have kissed all night. He looked like an angel sent from Heaven...and he was. All I wanted to do was hold Silas and look at his precious little face. God had given us a beautiful, healthy baby boy! I will never forget the moment that Timmy walked in the room to meet his baby brother. Papa had been watching him at our house while I was in labor. I am so glad that we were able to catch that moment on camera. Timmy was so enthralled with Silas' feet. Everytime someone came into the room to see us, Timmy would say, "Look at this feet. They are so little". A dream had come true for me that day...not only did God give us a healthy baby, but my mom was in the delivery room with me. She got to watch her new grandson come into this world and breathe his first breath. It makes me tear up just writing that because I wouldn't have wanted it ANY other way!

Silas was the BEST baby. He was so laid back and hardly ever cried at all. I had read the book Babywise, and was determined to get Silas on a better schedule than when I had Timmy. And you know what...I didn't even have to try that hard. Silas (on his own) would eat, be alert, sleep, then eat, be alert, sleep. It was like magic. I will never forget that first night holding him in my arms, and being so extremely thankful that God had blessed us with another son. After the pain of the miscarriage, it was like God replaced the feeling of "empty arms" with a perfect baby.

Ed and I have been so blessed with 2 amazing sons that were BOTH born in May. With Silas turning 2 today, I decided to post some pics of Silas' life since he was born.



Happy Birthday Sweet Boy! You truly are a GIFT from GOD!

Not Me Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week. MckMama has been on a Not Me Monday hiatus while caring for her baby, so I have had PLENTY of opportunities to have NOT ME MONDAY. But these take the cake, and they all happened in the last 4 days.

This week, I did NOT use public bathroom paper towels as a diaper changing pad while I was changing my little one. They did NOT stick to his bum, and I did NOT make more of a mess than if I were to just use the new diaper underneath instead of paper towels.

My little one did NOT fall 4 times in 4 days and he did NOT hit his head all 4 times. He did NOT do this while I was supposed to be watching him, and holding his hand. I did NOT feel bad, and my darling hubby did NOT give me a hard time. One of those times was NOT in Target and I was NOT embarrassed that my little one was screaming bloody murder at the registers while I was trying to make a purchase, and couldn't hear the cashier talking to me. Didn't he know that I was deaf at that point and couldn't hear him trying to make jokes, nor was I in the mood for his unfunny satire.

After the Target incident, I did NOT wake up my little one an hour after he went to sleep. I was NOT worried that he had a concussion when, after picking him up, he wouldn't wake up. I did NOT bring him to my husband worried that I had given my son a concussion. My darling husband did NOT just say my little one's name and he woke right up for him. I was NOT relieved that he didn't have a concussion.

I did NOT fall down more than one time while bowling on Saturday at my son's 6th birthday party. I did NOT get up and act like I did that on purpose. My 6 year old did NOT come and tell me that wasn't the way you were supposed to bowl. I was NOT utterly embarrassed in front of my closest friends and the other strangers who were also bowling on a busy Saturday.

I did NOT forget birthday candles for my son's birthday party, I did NOT forget wrapping paper for my son's presents, and I did NOT make 3 separate trips to the Dollar Store to make these purchases. I always make a list and have great organization about the parties that I throw for my children.

This was my week....how was yours?