I am blessed beyond measure when it comes to Mothers. You see, I have the best mother in the world.
When I was little, I wanted to be just like her. I remember the mornings I would walk into her room and find her sitting on her bed, with her Bible in her lap, her hands folded, praying. She instilled in my sisters and I a passion for the Lord.
As I got older, say 5th or 6th grade, I went through a TERRIBLE period of my life when I hated my mother. I don't remember every detail, because I think I've blocked it out on purpose. But, I do remember my mom giving me a journal so that I could write my feelings down...it was red with teddy bears, and the teddy bears were wearing blue overalls. It had a lock and key. I didn't write very many entries. But years later...when I was getting ready to go to college...I found that journal, opened it up and read what I wrote. It broke my heart....one particular entry said, "I HATE MY MOM! SHE DOESN'T LOVE ME LIKE SHE LOVES TINA AND NIKKI." I was literally in tears because my mother has NEVER hated me. She has NEVER loved me less than my sisters. She has ALWAYS wanted the VERY best for me...even if that meant it was hard on her.
When I was in high school, I became much closer to my mother. The adolescent years had quickly gone away, and mom became my best friend. I watched as she sacrificed for her family in so many ways. I was so proud of her for going back to college while I was in high school, and we shared graduation years. I graduated from high school in 1992, and she graduated from college in 1992.
After high school, I went to college. And it wasn't until I was away from home that I realized how much I truly did love my mother. I missed her like crazy. We had a scheduled once a week phone call, but we always ended up talking more than just once a week.
After college, I moved back home with my parents while I determined what I was going to do with my life. I remember driving home late one night from Lynchburg, VA to ask my parent's if I could move back home. I cried all the way there, because I wanted to be near them again. Without hestitation, my parents resounded emphatically with Yes, Of Course...this will always be your home.
While I was living at home, I met my husband online and got engaged and moved to Texas. Here I was, once again, moving away from her. From September to February, we had LOTS of fun planning the wedding. Since the wedding was in NC, and I was already settling into Texas life, mom had to do alot of the ground work. We spoke almost everyday. I think my love got enormously stronger during the week of my wedding. Things were really stressful for me, and the Thursday night before the wedding, I came home late after dropping the wedding party off at my aunt's house, and my mom was still up. It was the first time all day that I got to see her face to face after the craziness of the day...I walked into her room, fell on the bed and just cried, and cried. My mom, in her usual way, held me in her arms and told me everything was going to be ok. She always has the right words to say.
In 2003, I became a mother...I will never forget calling her at 5 AM on April 30th and asking her if I what I was experiencing was labor. See, she was unable to be there for the birth of my firstborn because she was a school teacher. Oh, how I wanted her to be there. I remember all the many, many times I would call her and say, "Mom, if I was anything like Timmy, God Bless You." I quickly realized that being a mother is not an easy task. But I am most proud of the fact, that I now share that title with her. After all of these years, I truly understood a Mother's Love. I understood how hard my mother prayed for us girls. I understood how a mother's love is so unconditional. I understood that no matter what my son did...I could NEVER stop loving him.
In March of 2006, I had a miscarriage. I was at home in NC visiting for Spring Break when it happened. God orchestrated the events to take place in NC...with my mom. See, she had a miscarriage after me, and before my sister...she knew the pain I was going through. No-one else in my family had experienced what I was going through..she knew exactly what to say, and when to say it...but most importantly...she held me when I cried. I know it was breaking her heart to see one of her daughters go through this, but God allowed her to be strong for me.
In September of 2006, I found out I was pregnant again. I called my mom first to tell her...I knew that she would be so happy for me. She retired in May of 2006, so I knew that she would be available to come down for the birth. It's always been a dream of mine to have my mother in the room when my children were born. Since she couldn't be there for Timmy, she promised she would be there for Silas. **I must give further details about the day Silas was born. My mom and husband came with me at 6am to get admitted in the hospital. I was being induced, but I didn't want mom to miss anything. Let me just tell you...my mother was amazing that day! She NEVER left the room unless I MADE her go get herself something to eat. She waited so long to eat meals that day, because she knew I couldn't eat, and she didn't want to eat in front of me. When my progress was slow, and my husband had fallen asleep in the recliner, and I was so frustrated that it was taking so long...my mom was there for me. She helped me get my mind off the slowness and off the renovations going on above our room. When it was time for me to push...she was right there...watching her grandson take his first breath. She stayed with me in the hospital, and even though she was tired, and had been awake as long as I had, she took care of Silas so I could sleep. She stayed with me for 3 weeks after Silas was born, and I will NEVER forget those 3 weeks. My dream had come true for my mother to be there, and it was PERFECT!
The older I get, the more I have to appreciate who my mother is, what my mother has done, and how blessed I am to be able to call her MY Mother. Life for me since I moved to GA has been the hardest road I have ever walked in my life. But the one constant, encouraging thing through it all is my mother. She ALWAYS knows exactly what I need to hear. She ALWAYS thinks about me. And I feel honored that she talks to God about me, because I consider my mother one of the biggest prayer warriors on this planet. From the first memory I have of walking into her room and seeing her praying, she has been consistently walking with the Lord and serving Him. I pray the Lord comes back to earth and takes us ALL home before my mother passes away...because... I don't know if I can live without her.
So Mom, as I sit her sobbing, I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I can't say it enough. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being such a godly mother, Nana, daughter, and friend. I pray that I can raise my boys the way you have raised me and my sisters. Please remember whenever you are having a bad day...that you are TRULY the GREATEST MOTHER I could have EVER dreamed of having.
I miss you and can't wait til you come to GA for a visit! I need some Mama loving! :)