Trusting In Him

My Grandpa

2011-08-01T13:42:00.003-04:00

May 27, 1924 - July 31, 2011

I lost my grandpa yesterday.

It's hard being 33 weeks pregnant living in Texas and unable to fly up for the funeral. I want to be there so bad! It's been a long journey of suffering for my grandpa since his first stroke in 1995. Being in a rest home for 15 plus years hasn't been easy on any of us. The past couple of years grandpa didn't know some of us when we visited, and it was really hard to see him unable to talk, laugh, walk or run. But now, he is walking on the streets of gold. Seeing his Savior face to face. Reunited with Grandma who passed in 1993.

My dad is the oldest child in his family, and when I would go with him to visit his dad, my grandpa, it warmed my heart to see my dad rub grandpa's forehead, hold his hand...showing such comfort to him. My dad was by his side when he took his last breath. I can only imagine the moment when he opened his eyes in heaven....

I have many, many precious memories of my grandpa from my childhood. We lived in a house behind their house, so we were practically at grandpa and grandma's house everyday! We had picnics at the red picnic table in the back yard, my sisters and I would play store in the well house, sitting on the front porch with grandpa and grandma and watching the cars go by, playing on his blue car carrier truck from work, picking vegetables in the garden next to his house, going to their house during winter storms when the power would go out because they had a gas stove, family dinners at the dining room table when grandma would make a delicious ham, riding the bus with grandpa when he would pick up children for the bus ministry, eating big lifesaver suckers on the bus, walking into the kitchen and seeing him and my dad drinking a cup of coffee, watching grandpa and grandma reading the Bible together in their chair in their bedroom every night, Listerine, the green buick, the yellow van, those blue works shirts and blue pants, walking in and watching him shine his shoes on his shoe holder box, going to the second floor and talking to grandpa and grandma through the vent on the floor, listening to grandpa laugh and laugh at Home Alone, watching how my grandpa would care for my grandma after her strokes, seeing how much he missed grandma when she passed away....

I know that grandpa is in a better place, he isn't suffering anymore, and he now has a glorified body, but I still miss him and can't wait to see him again in Heaven!

Long Overdue Update

2011-05-26T10:45:00.004-04:00

Hello one and all....October 2010 was a LOOOONNNGGG time ago, and so much has happened in our life since then. I will make bullet points to highlight the main events.

*Ed moved to Round Rock, TX on January 28, 2011 to secure employment, and the kids and I stayed in NC so I could continue working until then.

*We announced on February 14th, that we were having baby #4! Unexpected, unplanned blessing.

*Ed secured employment at Sears Holdings Call Center starting March 14th, and came up to NC to move us down the first weekend in March.

*We moved in with friends of ours until we could locate an apartment/house of our own.

*Ed had an interview at Dell for a sales position...did not receive an offer, BUT on the same day, I was given the opportunity to watch our friend's three boys. This was an answer to prayer because I needed to find some type of employment, but needed to be able to do it from home with the kiddos.

*Found a 4 bedroom, 2 1/2 bath house for rent within our price range! We happened upon this house when we were looking for a different house. We called the realtor, found out the price of rent, and schedule a walk through for later in that day. By the end of the day, the house was ours.

*Moved into our house on April 16th. It was like Christmas opening up my boxes that had been in storage since October 2009.

*Found out on May 18th, that our baby #4 is a BOY! Jeremiah Neil Lockwood will be arriving via c-section sometime around the middle of September. Looks like I can sell my baby girl clothes and buy some much needed boy clothes.

We are looking forward to the summertime, and having Timmy home with us everyday. Ed is currently looking for other employment with better pay to help us make ends meet better. Also, my mom is arriving on June 7th for a couple of weeks, so it will be amazing to have a taste of home. I can't wait to show her my house. I really want to try and stay on top of this blogging thing. I am contemplating doing the project 365 starting memorial day so that I can get the blogs bound in a book about our year. It will just require me to remember to take a picture each day.

I hope you enjoyed this update...I am not sure if I even have any readers anymore. But oh well...

Oh The Beauty

2010-10-07T09:01:00.003-04:00

I am sitting here drinking a lovely cup of Starbucks coffee (that I won as a door prize at MOPS on Tuesday), looking out the window at the BEAUTIFUL fall day the Lord has given us, with 2 beautiful babies rolling around at my feet. Silas (3) and Emma (9 mo.) are playing BEAUTIFULLY together...for the moment.

It's Thursday...my day off...and as my to do list sits unchecked, I have to take the time and be truly thankful for the BEAUTY of the moment. As you read in my last post, Texas has really been on my heart lately...the where/when/how has really been pulling me down...however, last night at church...God gave the most amazing sermon to Pastor Fletcher, and it was EXACTLY what I needed to hear. He preached on the Power Of Prayer. There were so many great nuggets of truth, that I am still dwelling on the sermon today. For so long, I have been guilty of not praying in faith about our move to Texas. I pray, but not believing, that anything will change. In I Thessalonians, it says we are to PRAY WITHOUT CEASING. I have NOT been praying without ceasing. I have not really poured my heart out to God daily, hourly, minute by minute like I should. I have just been waiting around to see what doors God will open for us. I was truly convicted last night about how I have been viewing my life as so burdensome because we don't know what's next. But I need to stop and be thankful for the BEAUTY of everything around me. I have an amazing husband that GOD made just for me, I have 3 beautiful children who are healthy, I have wonderful parents who haven't kicked us to the curb after a year of living with them :),I have 2 precious sisters that I have been able to spend SOOO much time with this past year, and EVERYDAY I get to see God's BEAUTIFUL creation. I have taken so many of these things for granted, and I hope and pray that I will not let myself get so burden down with the things in my world, that I forget to embrace the BEAUTY of the moment!

Until Next Time

The Eyes Of Texas

2010-10-01T13:46:00.004-04:00

Last time I updated, I said I would dedicate a post to Texas. So, here goes....

Most everyone knows already, but Ed and I feel like the Lord wants us back in Texas. We are not sure about how, when, etc., but we do know that Texas is where we will move next.

We have been living with my parents in NC since October 24, 2009. We are EXTREMELY grateful to my parents for opening up their home to our family of 5. Eight people, three of them being under the age of 8, can be a little crowded at times. I am normally an extremely organized person. I wouldn't go as to say I am obsessive about it, but you can ask Ed, in the past, I was extremely organized. I long to be that way again, but it's been hard for me to organize my life in the our living space in my parent's house. I am so looking forward to having a place of our own again, (not that I'm unhappy here at my parents), but ready to get a structured schedule going for our family. Living with my parents has helped us to get caught up on our bills, and even pay some debt off so it's definitely been a blessing. But after a year, we feel like it's time to grow our roots elsewhere. The question is...where?!?!

We know beyond a shadow of doubt that Texas is where we will be one day. Ed and I have been pursuing employment down in the Austin/Round Rock area. I have even been applying at jobs back at UMHB, but we haven't had much response. Ed did receive a phone interview with Dell Computers back in August, but it didn't pan out. Ed has heard from a couple of companies that says, "When you move down here, give us a call." Well, Ed and I do not have a peace about moving our families to Texas without employment first. When we moved to GA, we struggled for 2 months before employment was obtained. We both have been seeking God's face as to HIS will for us...what's our next step...when do we go....

So....now we wait. We continue with the life we have made for ourselves here, and we wait to hear God say, "Move Now". If you remember, please pray for us as we wait for God's leading. We are anxious to return back "Home" to Texas, and sometimes can become a little impatient.

Until Next Time....

Where Has The Time Gone?!?

2010-09-18T23:11:00.003-04:00

I don't know why, but it seems like my life has been on warp speed for about 10 months or so. I don't know if it was adding a 3rd child to the mix, or if I am just too busy with other things. There has been so much going on in our lives since I last posted, and that I am not sure I can update on everything in this one post.

I will let this post be about our summer, and then I will "try" to update on a more regular basis.

I can't believe that we are already 6 weeks into the new school year. It seems our summer FLEW by. However, this summer, the children and I went to the beach with my family. Boy, was that a dream come true. When we were growing up, a summer beach trip happened pretty much every summer, we would head down to Myrtle Beach, SC around the first of June. There were 3 family birthdays during that first week of June, and inevitably, one of us would celebrate our birthday down there. Anyway....I digress...I have ALWAYS dreamed about going to the beach with my parents and sisters. This week was SO much fun! I wish I would have taken a picture of Silas and Timmy's face when they saw the ocean. It was the first time for Silas, but the first time that Timmy would remember. They were afraid to go in the ocean at first, but then once they realized that the waves went back out, they LOVED it! I loved watching the boys "jumping" the little waves at the shore. It was a very interesting trip having a 5 month old at the beach, and my mom's back was out, so she stayed under the umbrella holding Emma most of the time, but my sisters and I definitely made memories and reminisced while jumping the waves like we did as kids. By far, the one thing I will remember the most is Silas jumping in the pool. Well, it was more like belly flopping, but what was so surprising is that he was fearless. We had to make sure we were standing there because he would just jump/flop without us being ready. I loved hearing him say, "Moove, Moove, Moove", while he used his little arm with the huge floaties to show us where he wanted us to move. He really only wanted us to move back so that he could jump/flop into the water instead of in our arms. Whoever was the lucky one to be the recipient of "Silas' jumping" had to be ready to be exhausted by the end. As soon as he came up from under the water, he was saying, "Gin...Gin". It was a great memory, and we have pictures to prove it.

The 2nd big trip we took was back home to Texas, Even though NC will always be "home" for me since I grew up there, Ed and I feel like Texas is truly where we feel our roots are at. When we got married, we established our home there, and Texas will always be where we belong. We are currently waiting on God's opening the doors for us to move back. We feel a peace that Texas is where HE wants us, we are just waiting on HIS timing. (This topic deserves it's own post...will work on that one next) Anyway, Ed and I drove with the kids, down to Texas the 3rd week in July. Ed and Timmy were in Clayton and Blair Hodges' wedding, so we decided to make a week trip out of it, and make our rounds to visit our friends and family. We REALLY enjoyed our time in Texas. The trip was pretty long though, many, many hours in the van, but overall the kids did wonderful! We tried to do most of our driving at night so that the kids would sleep for us. They did great! I will wait until my TEXAS post to give more details of this trip because God did so much for us while we were there.

I am glad that I decided to post tonight. It really is very therapeutic to journal/blog. I hope to be able to continue to do this more.

Until next time....

2010 Update

2010-04-24T23:03:00.006-04:00

I can't believe I haven't written since I announced the birth of our daughter. Things have been really crazy in this house with 8 people living here, but Ed and I are forever grateful to my parents for allowing us to get back on our feet. My parents and my older sis have been a Godsend when it comes to watching the kids. There is so much to update, that I will just list them out. Hope this isn't too jumbled.

1. Ed is still working at Market America in Greensboro. He has been having mandatory overtime, so his work schedule has been pretty crazy. It's definitely a change from GA when I was working 40 hours a week and he was at home. I am enjoying having so much time with the kids, but I REALLY miss time with Ed too.

2. About 8 weeks ago, I started working part-time for my best friend from high school. He owns 3 different companies, and I am his administrative assistant. I only work between 12 and 15 hours a week, but it's enough time for me to get out of the house and make a little extra money.

3. Timmy is doing pretty well adjusting to NC. He is really enjoying playing with his cousins. He loves going to church and participating in Junior Church activities. He sings in the choir and last week he was an usher. He has joined a coach pitch baseball team, and his first game is this coming Tuesday. He will be 7 years old on this coming Saturday. He has REALLY been asking a lot of questions recently about salvation. So, if you think about it, will you please pray for our little boy. Thanks.

4. Silas has grown SOOO much since we moved to NC. He has started talking much better, and he is DEFINITELY a Nana and Papa's boy. He LOVES keys like they are made of gold and ALWAYS wants the keys as soon as we put his clothes on every morning, even if we aren't going anywhere. He will be 3 on May 5th, and we are going to try and potty train him this summer. I have really enjoyed spending more time with him since we moved to NC.

5. Emma, our new baby girl, she will be 4 months old this week, and I can't believe how big she is. We did have a little scare last month around the middle of March, she got pneumonia and RSV. She was pitiful. It was the 2nd scariest sickness my kids have had. (The first time was when Timmy had to be hospitalized with a severe asthma attack) The coughing was just horrible to hear. I ended up sleeping on the recliner with her on my chest so I could be right there if she got into trouble with her breathing. She has beaten this sickness, and is eating and sleeping great. She has been sleeping through the night for about 3 weeks, but will wake up around 3am wanting her paci. I put it in her mouth, and then she falls back to sleep til 5:30 or 6:00. I am LOVING having a daughter and picking our her clothes and bows. We have been truly blessed with our Emma girl.

Well, this about sums it up...I will try to blog more often and post pictures soon.

I am not sure if anyone is even reading this, but if I still have a few readers out there...sorry for the delay. Thanks for reading....

Emma Grace Lockwood IS HERE!

2010-01-13T16:30:00.006-05:00

Born: January 5, 2010

Time: 7:55 am

Weight: 8 lbs. 15 oz.

Length: 22 inches long

She joins Big Brother Timmy:

and Big Brother Silas:

and we couldn't be more blessed. We have 3 BEAUTIFUL healthy children! I will write more of the birth story later. It's hard to type holding Emma with one arm and typing with the other. Just wanted to inroduce our daughter to the world!

Long OVERDUE Update

2009-12-30T17:29:00.014-05:00

I can't believe it has been so long since I have posted on my blog! I have so many things to catch everyone up on, that I am going to be lazy and list them.

1. I moved back to Winston-Salem, NC on November 12th, and it seems like I have been running NON-STOP around here. The boys have settled into the new routine in NC and Ed has completed his training at work, and is officially taking live calls. He works at the Help Desk for Market America in GSO, NC. It's been REALLY nice to FINALLY be home with Silas and Timmy.

2. We moved in with my parents, so I have unpacked and settled into the space available to my family. My parents are VERY gracious to allow us to move in while we get back on our feet. It's SO nice to be able to spend so much time with my parents daily.

3. We spent Thanksgiving Day over at my little sister's house. We ate TOO much food and laughed WAY too hard! Lots of memories were made that will last a lifetime.

4. I found an OB to take over my prenatal care, so it was a pretty smooth transition. Ed and I took the hospital tour a couple of weeks ago so that we would be familiar with the surroundings. It will be REALLY different to not have Emma in Texas like I did with the boys. The fact that I have so much family around is pretty darn amazing! I CAN'T WAIT to have family visit at the hospital.

5. My pregnancy has been going very well since my arrival in NC. Since I am not working outside of the home, I have been able to take naps when Silas naps in the afternoon. This has helped tremendously in this last couple of weeks when I feel like I am the size of an elephant. After becoming a stay at home mom since arriving in NC, I don't know how in the world I managed when I worked 40 hours outside of the home...sometimes I can't make it without a nap everyday. God has blessed me tremendously by allowing us to live with my parents. It's AMAZING to have help getting Timmy to and from school and having free childcare when I have appointments.

6. We found out on December 23rd, that Emma is BREECH! I was 37 weeks, but Emma was measuring 39 weeks and they estimated her to weigh 8 lbs. 4 oz. On the ultrasound, we were able to see that she has a TON of hair! The ultrasound technician couldn't believe how long her hair was...she kept pointing to it and saying, "Look at her hair just floating in that fluid." I have had TERRIBLE heartburn with this pregnancy, and I REALLY wanted her to have a lot of hair...looks like I will get my wish! They told me that if she didn't turn on her own, that I would have to have a c-section. I have ALWAYS been afraid of having a c-section. Something about the word surgery kinda scares me. I have NEVER had a surgery in my entire life other than having my wisdom teeth cut out, but I don't count that as a surgery because I only had "laughing gas" and it was in my mouth. I went back to the doctor on December 28th, and she was still breech, so the OB scheduled a c-section for Tuesday, January 5th.

7. After all these months, I now know Emma's birthday 01/05/10. That is if I don't go into labor naturally between now and then. I have had some significant contractions, but nothing close together...Ed is off the next 2 days, so if I went into labor that would be just great. But if not, then we will welcome Emma Grace Lockwood into the world on Tuesday, January 5th at 7:30am EST. I packed our bags today, and it was so hard to decide what to bring her home in. I have packed a couple of options, so we shall wait and see what this little one looks like before I decide.

Since I have never had a c-section before, I am unsure of what the recovery will be like, but as soon as I am able, I will try to blog pictures of Emma's arrival and her "birth" story!

PICTURE TIME....

Here is a picture of me at 36 weeks...it's hard to tell, but I am REALLY carrying LOW. I am even lower today, I feel like Emma is going to fall out.

Here is a picture of the boys playing in the snow that we got the week before Christmas! Timmy LOVED it...Silas wasn't too sure about it at first, but once Daddy came outside, he got off the porch and walked around in it.

Here is a picture of Silas wearing a suit that was handed down from his cousin Matthew...isn't he just the CUTEST!

Here is a picture of Timmy doing the Bungee thingy in the mall.

Here is a picture of the boys in their Christmas PJs on Christmas morning.

Here is a picture of Ed and I on our way to Ed's work Christmas party.

That's all for now....check back in a couple of weeks to see pics of my baby girl!

Much Love in NC

Let Freedom Ring

2009-11-11T14:44:00.005-05:00

My sweet friend in Texas, Shelly, had this video posted on her Facebook page, and in light of it being Veterans Day, I just had to post it today.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8GgzOQ-UHY

This song reminds me so much of home because I grew up listening to the Gaither Vocal Band. That is one memory that I enjoy...going to concerts with my sisters to see the Gaither Vocal Band, Gold City, The Cathedrals...Southern Gospel music is definitely a memory that I hold dear to my heart.

Here are the words in case you want to follow along.... Enjoy

LET FREEDOM RING
Deep within the heart has always known that there was freedom
Somehow breathed into the very soul alive
The prisoner, the powerless, the saved have always known it
There's something that keeps reaching for the sky

Even life begins because a baby fights for freedom
And songs we love to sing have freedom's theme
Some have walked through fire and flood to find a place of freedom
And some faced hell itself for freedom's dream

Let freedom ring wherever minds know what it means to be in chains
Let freedom ring wherever hearts know pain
Let freedom echo through the lonely streets where prisons have no key
We can be free and we can sing let freedom ring

God built freedom into every fiber of creation
And He meant for us to all be free and whole
When my Lord bought freedom with the blood of His redemption
His cross stamped pardon on my very soul

I'll sing it out with every breath, I'll let the whole world hear it
This hallelujah anthem of the free
That iron bars and heavy chains can never hold us captive
The Son has made us free and free indeed

Let freedom ring down through the ages from a hill called Calvary
Let freedom ring wherever hearts know pain
Let freedom echo through the lonely streets where prisons have no key
You can be free and you can sing let freedom ring
Let freedom echo through the lonely streets where prisons have no key
You can be free and you can sing let freedom ring
You can be free and you can sing let freedom ring
Let freedom ring

I like America

2009-11-10T15:41:00.002-05:00

I just had to write this post about a conversation overheard between my 6 year old son, and my 6 year old nephew. This is classic....

While throwing the football back and forth to each other:

Timmy: Andrew, what is your favorite college football team? Do you like the Georgia Bulldogs?

Andrew: No, I like America.

Timmy: Are they the elephants?

Andrew: Yeah

Timmy: Yeah, I like them too!

My little sister immediately called me to share in this conversation. Our son has been saturated with college football since the time he could hold a football. Our nephew, doesn't really know any college football teams or even what college football is. I can TOTALLY tell this friendship of cousins is going to be amazing!

Thank you Lord for moving us to NC! We are having SO much fun!

SISTERS

2009-11-07T16:59:00.003-05:00

As my time in GA quickly draws to a close, I have had a lot of time to reflect on my future endeavors in North Carolina. There are SO many things that I am looking forward to, and I shared some of them in my last post, however, I wanted to share about some more.

I CAN NOT WAIT TO SPEND SOME QUALITY TIME WITH MY SISTERS!

Tina, Nikki, and I have been SO close almost our entire life. When I talk about my family and childhood, I really have more good memories than bad when it comes to my sisters. There are so many inside jokes and memories that can just keep us laughing for hours. There is just a bond between us that NO-ONE will EVER be able to break.

In January of this past year, I kinda got a little jealous of Tina and Nikki. The opportunity was given to Nikki to be Tina's assistant in her K-3 class at school. I was like, "WHAT?!?! Nikki gets to see Tina EVERYDAY AND WORK with her!" I SOOOO wanted to be there and enjoy in making memories. I just KNEW it was going to bring them closer together. I think my jealousy was more of not wanting to be left out, but you know what...when I came home in March, it was just as it has always been. Tina and Nikki treated me as if I had been at work with them all along. They included me in all their discussions, and was eager to share with me about the kiddos in their class.

My sisters have been there for me from the VERY beginning of our time away from each other. When Nikki got married and moved to Germany, and I when I got married and moved to Texas....I NEVER dreamed that one day we would be ALL back together again. Do you realize what this means???? Sister (and mom) Movie Nights, Dessert Nights (not just on New Years Eve), SHOPPING, SHOPPING, SHOPPING, late night talks and slumber parties (yes, even married with children you can still have a slumber party), Ladies Retreats in the mountains, workout accountability partners, Bible study partners, and so much more...

As I sit here and type this post, tears are coming to my eyes when I realize that I get to see my sisters face to face EVERYDAY! I haven't had that in over NINE years! No more just weekend visits or holiday visits. I am going to be LIVING in NC! I thank God EVERYDAY that HE is allowing us to all be together again!

Dreams REALLY do come true! Hold on sisters....I will be there soon! I love you both so very much! Oh, the memories we will make....

To My Baby Boy Silas

2009-10-29T09:10:00.006-04:00

It's been almost 2 weeks since I had my hands on my baby boy Silas. He moved to NC on October 18th, and I'm really starting to miss him. I got to see his cute little face the other night through Skype/webcam and it was SO good to see him. He was precious...he kept saying "Mommy" and laughing...it was the first time he has ever seen how a webcam works. I am hoping to be able to "see" him again soon.

With us being separated for 4 weeks, I am so hoping and praying that Silas somehow understands how much I love him. Being two years old, I am not sure how much he understands about our most recent "move". He is living with Nana and Papa, and Daddy and "Mimmy" are there now, so I know he is in the BEST hands, but I still wonder if he ever thinks, "Where's Mommy?" I do miss Ed and Timmy, but they both can talk to me and I am able to explain to Timmy how many "wake-ups" there are until I am joining them in NC, but Silas doesn't understand. I don't think Silas even really understands that Emma is just 12 weeks away from making an appearance. I can't WAIT to get to NC so that I can spend every moment with Silas...I long for the days when I can get up with him in the morning and NOT have to leave for work. I wanted to write a letter to Silas today, so that when he is older, and he ever feels "left out", I can share this with him. So here goes....

To my dear, precious baby boy...

Silas, you are only two years old right now, and due to circumstances beyond our control, I am separated from you for a little while. I don't think you understand what is really happening...you have Nana taking care of you everyday...and next to Mommy and Daddy...Nana is the next best thing.

Since you moved to NC, you have really started using more words. You will actually get on the phone with me and say, "Hey Mommy" "I Love you". I LOVE to hear your little voice on the other end of the phone. I can just picture you walking around Nana and Papa's house with your little arms swinging by your side. You love to run around and play and I hear from Nana, that you have started finding pens, pencils, anything to write with and marking on the walls. Nana has had to watch you like a hawk. You are very active and don't really care to watch TV much, although you will sit down and watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Nana has started letting you feed yourself yogurt...she says you do a good job, but do NOT like anything on your face, so Nana sits there and wipes off your little face when yogurt spills out of your mouth. I can't wait to get to NC and witness all the things you are doing.

Baby boy...when Mommy gets to NC, I am not going to have to leave you everyday to go to work. I get to stay home and take care of you. I have so many ideas of how I want to spend my time with you. You love mommy to read books to you, so I am looking forward to reading the same book over and over and over again, because when I finish reading the book, you quickly say, "Gin". You can listen to the same book 10 times or more and still want it again. I am looking forward to working on more words with you and teaching you your numbers. I can't wait to pray with you each night before you go to bed...I had just started that as part of our bedtime routine when you moved. I love to hear you repeat the prayer that I am saying. I can't wait to snuggle with you and cuddle with you while you suck your middle fingers and play with your hair. I can't wait to give you baths and listen to you scream (like a girl) when you splash me. I can't wait to go into your room and watch you sleeping and pray over you.

I am so excited about spending quality time with you and making sure you understand how important you are to me and the rest of our family. See, I am not sure you understand it, but your baby sister is on the way. This is going to make you a middle child, and speaking from experience, I want you to know that you are a VERY important part of our family. You will always be my baby boy. Mommy may have to share her time between you and baby Emma, but you will ALWAYS be just as important as her. I so want you to understand the love that I have for you sweet Silas. As your mommy, I am going to try really hard to make sure you don't feel left out once Emma makes her appearance. I want you to know mommy's heart is big enough to love you, Timmy and Emma. I will do everything I can to make sure you feel safe and secure and loved. I really think you are going to be a great big brother to Emma. I can't wait to watch you, Timmy and Emma playing together. My 3 precious children, gifts from God above.

Please don't ever forget that I love you with all my heart! You are my sweet treasure dear Silas!

Love Always,
Your Mommy

Seasons of Change - REVEALED

2009-10-27T13:19:00.006-04:00

Well...it's now safe to reveal the Lockwood's seasons of change...

We are moving to North Carolina!

(Actually, Ed and the boys moved this past weekend.)

Ed and I have felt for a while that a change needed to take place for our family. We moved to GA in September of 2008, and it seemed like we were hit with valleys and mountain tops and then more valleys. It became clear after a year of Ed not being able to find work, that we need to pursue other locations. My family lives in Winston-Salem, NC, so Ed decided to pursue job opportunities in the area. We prayed and asked the Lord to guide our footsteps, to open doors and close doors and to show us where HE wanted us to be.

My little sister and brother-in-law moved to NC in September of 2008 from Germany, and in January of 2009, my BIL got a job at Market America in GSO. So, Ed looked and discovered there were some openings for customer service representatives at Market America. He sent his resume on a Tuesday, received a call on Thursday to set up an interview for the next Monday in NC. The interview went well, and they told us we should hear something in about 2 to 3 weeks. Well, let me just tell you, the waiting was the hardest part. But I remember my little sister telling me about a song that really helped her get through the waiting when Leo was looking for a job. It's by John Waller, it's called "While I'm Waiting" And it never failed...EVERYDAY when I was driving to or from work, that song would come on the radio, and it just reminded me to "wait on the Lord". We knew that if GOD wanted us in NC, then HE would open the doors.

So...we waited, 1 week turned to 2, and 2 weeks turned to 2 1/2...and then it happened...we got a phone call from Market America for Ed to have a final interview with the COO of the company. We were so excited, yet cautious and prayerful that God would continue to lead. In the meantime, we had decided that our best option was to move to NC when our lease was up in November, in the hopes that Ed would be able to find a job in NC by that time. We had decided the move date would be October 24th, because that would have given us two weeks to finalize things in GA, and it would be the end of 1 quarter for Timmy, and he could start the new quarter in his NC school. I was going to stay behind in GA and continue working at Life University until Ed found a job with the hopes that I would be able to come to NC by the 13th of November and not have to return to GA. When Ed got the call about the final interview, we decided it would be best for Silas to go ahead and move to NC and stay with my parents so that we could use that week to pack, clean, etc. Timmy would stay in NC and attend his school for one more week. So, Ed had the interview...he felt it went well, and they told him "you should hear back from us very soon".

We are left with waiting again....we had already placed this journey in the Lord's hands, so we knew that if HE wanted Ed at Market America...that it would all workout. Ed and Timmy moved to NC on Saturday, October 24th, and I moved in with some friends. We knew being separated was going to be hard on us, but we felt that it was important for me to continue at Life until Ed was receiving some income. We also had to think about our health insurance since Emma will be here in just 12 weeks...the longer I stay at Life, the less "Cobra" insurance we have to pay.

Well....today, October 27th, Ed received a job offer from Market America!!! When Ed called to tell me, I asked him if he was kidding with me. I couldn't believe we had our answer. God was providing a job for Ed in NC...near my family...before Emma was born...it was perfect timing.

The thought of being near my family when Emma is born brings tears to my eyes. The thought of me being able to be HOME WITH SILAS for 9 weeks before Emma comes, and help him with the transition of bringing home his little sister makes my heart flutter. But most of all...the thought of getting to spend SO much NEEDED time with my family leaves me speechless. NEVER in my WILDEST dreams would I have EVER pictured myself living back in NC with my family...it TRULY is a DREAM COME TRUE!

GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME...ALL THE TIME GOD IS GOOD

Happy Birthday To MY ONE AND ONLY LOVE

2009-10-26T12:39:00.004-04:00

Today is a wonderful day in the Lockwood household, because we are celebrating the WONDERFUL birthday of the leader of our home...my hubby, Ed! I can't believe another birthday is upon us already. It seems like just yesterday we were celebrating Ed's first birthday away from Texas, and now here is birthday #2. I really wish he was able to spend his birthday with his Texas friends and family because he misses them SO much...but maybe Birthday 2010 can be spent in Texas - only the Lord knows.

I am hoping and praying that my man has a fabulous birthday and knows how much he means to me and the boys. Ed is the rock of our family! He is the man God made for me. God knew that I needed Ed to be my husband. Ed and I have walked through many trials and triumphs, and I wouldn't have wanted anyone else by my side. He is an AMAZING father to his little boys, and I CAN NOT WAIT to see him get to be "Daddy" to our baby girl Emma. I love that my husband is strong and protective, but can also show his sensitive side that I LOVE so much! I love how much he loves his family and friends, and am honored to be called his wife.

Happy 35th Birthday baby! Here's to 35 more!

My Boys at Work

2009-10-21T09:57:00.006-04:00

Recently I have had to bring the boys to work on two separate occasions. Silas had to be dropped off a couple of weeks ago when our child care provider's son got sick at the last minute, and Ed had an appointment. Silas really liked Mommy's office...especially playing with the paperclips in Mommy's desk. It's been about a month and I am still finding paperclips in odd places in my desk drawer.

This week, Ed had to be out of town on Monday and Tuesday, so I picked Timmy up from school and brought him to the office for a couple of hours. The first day he did his homework and was really excited to be at my office.

The second day, he did his homework, but after that he was bored. So, I looked down at my "To Shred" pile and decided to let Timmy shred the pile for me. You would have thought I had just given him candy to eat. He was so excited! I had quite a bit of paper to shred, and we filled up one bag and started on another one. A little while later, he comes to my desk and says, "When I get older, I am going to get a job as a shredder, because I am really good at it." I just laughed and said Ok honey... When the pile was finished, he wanted more, so I took the time to clean out my desk and found more for him. He was so excited...See...
I liked having the boys at the office and being able to let them meet my co-workers. It was nice for the boys to be able to see where mommy works. If your company has "Bring your son or daughter to work day"...I HIGHLY recommend you partaking in the event. It was ALOT of fun for me to make memories with the boys!

Emma's 1st Shower

2009-10-15T10:15:00.014-04:00

On Thursday, October 8th, my friend in Acworth, Sloan, threw a GA shower for me. It was the first shower I have had for Emma. I couldn't believe how precious all the decorations were and the PINK!!!!! It was SO fun to open gifts with pink and purple and brown...no BLUE! It hit me when I was opening up my gifts that "Wow! I am REALLY having a girl!" I had never had a baby girl shower, only baby boy showers, so opening up the girlie stuff was such a special treat. Here are some pics that my friend Keri took for me. Enjoy!!!!

The Table Spread of all of my favorite desserts!

The "E" hairbow holder that Sloan made for Emma's bows.

The boys helping me open a gift from Jenn and Gracyn.
It's the bumper for Emma's crib!

A precious purple gown, hat and blanket

I love this adorable sleeper. Emma will have lots of wear
out of her sleepers since she is due in January.

My friend Keri made me this adorable diaper cake.
It's so cute, I don't want to take it apart.
I will just have to wait until Emma needs size 1 diapers.

My last shower will be a family shower in North Carolina on November 14th. I am looking forward to this shower most of all, because for the first time, my little sister will actually be able to come to my baby shower...AND she is even getting to host it for me at her house. I am truly blessed!

My Precious Boys

2009-10-13T11:20:00.005-04:00

I haven't posted in about two weeks, and I'm still not quite ready to share about our season of change, but I wanted to post about my boys.

Timmy has been growing up so much. Helping with Silas, laying hands on my belly and talking to Emma, being such a loving little boy. He's at the age where he is understanding more and more about how important God is in our life. We pray with him before bed and on the way to school, and we have been reading a Bible story book at night as part of our night time routine. Somehow we have lost the book, so Ed and I have just been telling him Bible stories from memory. I talked about Shadrach, Meschach and Abendnego and the next night Ed told him about Daniel and the Lions Den. He loves it when we tell him the stories and always reminds us at bedtime that he needs a story. Well, last night I decided to start reading the Bible to him. I started in Luke 1 with the story of Zechariah and Elisabeth. He thought it was really cool that "my name" was in the Bible like "his name" is in the Bible. I love his heart for the Bible, and how much he enjoys reading it. So, later that night, I heard his bathroom door open and I go to check on him. He was sitting on the toilet, reading his Bible. It was like the Bible was his "toilet reading" so to speak. When he first started to read, he read Psalms 23, so he enjoys reading that Psalm over and over again. I am hoping that Ed and I are able to be the parents that we need to be and raise Timmy the way God wants us to. I hope that Timmy comes to know Christ as HIS personal Savior and grows up to love God with all his heart, soul and mind.

Silas has officially moved out of the crib. I felt like it was time to move the twin bed into his room since he seemed to be getting too big for the crib. Unfortunately for Ed, it hasn't turned out to be the best timing.... Saturday was the first day he was to sleep in his big boy bed...at nap time, he REFUSED to stay in the bed. He kept crying and coming out of the bedroom, so I kept putting him back in the bed and telling him "night night" and that routine happened about 3 to 4 times. After that, he was getting the snubs, so I decided I would lay down on the floor next to his bed, wait til he fell asleep and then crawl out. It worked for about 45 minutes and then he woke up/sat up and saw that I wasn't there and out the door he came. I decided, naptime was over and we went about our day. Ed came home from work that evening and I shared with him about our "big boy bed" fiasco. So, Ed said he would give it a try. Wouldn't you know that the boy went right to sleep with no tears or coming out of his bed!!!! I couldn't believe it...Ed was beaming with pride that "Daddy can take care of business." Well, fast forward to Monday...when Silas was in the crib, he wouldn't cry out for Ed until after 9:00 most mornings...now that he can get out of bed..in walks Silas to our bedroom around 8:00....needless to say, Ed wasn't quite ready for this to happen. If you know my hubby, you know that he is a night owl and NOT a morning person. So, 8:00 was a little early for him..but he managed. We thought Silas might be sick or not feeling well, so Ed took him into the doctor, and sure enough...ear infection in his left ear. All day Silas was VERY clingy, wanting to be held, and never wanting to be put down. He didn't nap on Monday, so when I put him to bed around 7:30...he went to bed with no crying or fussing and went to sleep pretty quickly. Well, this morning at 6:00...I hear Silas crying...it was actually at 5:58 because my alarm is set for 6:00 and I knew my alarm hadn't went off yet...I waited to see if he would just cry himself back to sleep, but a few minutes later...I hear his door open and out he walks crying for "Da Dee", I try to keep him quiet so that Ed can sleep while I am getting ready for work, but Silas will have none of this...he cries even harder for "Da Dee" and goes straight into our bedroom and snuggles up next to Ed. I leave Silas in there thinking that maybe he will fall back to sleep, but about 5 minutes later, out walks Ed with Silas. I felt soooo bad that Silas was up so early. See, Ed works in the evenings, and doesn't get home until after midnight/1am so Ed hadn't had much sleep. I told Ed I still had an hour before I needed to leave for work, that I would keep Silas and he could go back to bed. Before I left, I put the pack n play up in Silas' room so that Ed could lay him back down and Silas would sleep and not be able to get out. I don't think that the timing of moving Silas into a big boy bed was very good...but it's too late to turn back now. Silas is usually an excellent sleeper, I think he is not sleeping well because he doesn't feel good. I am REALLY hoping that he will take his naps today....I know his little body needs the rest.

I am so thankful for my boys and for how much fun they are watching them grow up. I can't WAIT for Emma to get here so that I can see my boys with their baby sister! I am a little worried about Silas, but we talk about babies and Emma all the time...I am just not sure he has put two and two together. I only have 13 weeks left....time will tell.

Season of Change

2009-09-24T13:58:00.005-04:00

Our family is currently going through a Season of Change. It's not official or complete yet, so I won't share details until it is, but life in the Lockwood house has had it's ups and downs. Ed and I have been reflecting on this past year, Sept 08 through Sept 09, and discussing the journey our lives have taken in Georgia.

There have been many blessings along the way: friendships started, relationships strengthened, health restored, a new baby girl on the way kicking me as I type, and so much more. There have also been tests and trials on this journey, times of brokenness, desert times, and feelings of loneliness.

Since we have now passed the "year" mark of living in GA, we have once again needed to refocus our attention on God and what HE wants from us. Unfortunately, I can tell you from personal experience, that when things were going "good" I tended to put God on a shelf, but when things were hard, and uncertain is when I would cry out to God for help. This is not something I am proud of, and it's something that I had to confess to God. See, God is a jealous God, and HE wants me to place HIM first in my life.

I recently joined an online Bible Study called Bloom. For our first book, we are reading Francis Chan's, "Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God". We have only went through the first two chapters, but it has REALLY opened up my eyes to so many things. One of them being how holy and majestic our God is. Another thing is how in the Bible, it says, "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! (Phil 4:4) Chan follows this verse with the following paragraph:
"You'll notice that it doesn't end with "...unless you're doing something extremely important." No, it's a command for all of us, and it follows with the charge, "Do not be anxious about anything." (v. 6). That came as a pretty staggering realization. But what I realized next was even more staggering. When I am consumed by my problems - stressed out about my life, my family, and my job - I actually convey the belief that I think the circumstances are more important than God's command to always rejoice. In other words, that I have a "right" to disobey God because of the magnitude of my responsiblities."
So, this whole year, when things have been hard, and rough, and uncertain...I have been commanded to rejoice, and by NOT doing so, it's like me saying that I know what's better for me than God. I got stopped on this page for a day or two, and then picked up the book and finished the chapter. So many times I feel like I am just going through the motions of everyday life. I want my life to be intentionally focused on God...I want to have such a relationship with HIM, that I don't need to "wait until my quiet time" to have a conversation with my Saviour. To be able to stop what I am doing and PRAY when I am prompted to pray, to be able to release all my cares on HIM and let go, not holding anything back...to trust FULLY on the ONE who already knows what the outcome of this "CHANGE" will be.

Last night in my quiet time, I picked up the Our Daily Bread devotional book and turned to September 23rd. The verses assigned for that day were just what I needed to hear in that moment, "John 14:12-14 - Truly, truly I say to you, whoever belives in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works than these will he do, because I am going to the Father. Whatever you ask in my name, this will I do, that the Father may be glorified in this Son. If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it." Then, this morning, I turned to September 24th, and the title is Contentment and the verses are Matthew 6:24-34 when it talks about do not be anxious, about God clothing the lilies of the field, take no thought for what you shall eat, what you shall wear, etc. SEEK FIRST HIS KINGDOM and ALL THESE THINGS shall be added unto you.

I must share a blessing that happened recently in my life that supports these verses I read today concerning, "What shall I wear?". Ed and I have recently made new friends who go to our church and live just down the road from our house. They have 2 small boys, a 20 month old, and a 8 month old. A couple of weeks ago, we were hanging out with them at the their house when the subject of "maternity clothes" came up. Ed and I are extremely tight with our money right now, so buying me maternity clothes for the winter is way down on the list of priorities. Well, out of the blue, my friend goes, "Elizabeth....hold on...I'll be right back." She leaves the room and comes back down the stairs carrying two VERY large tubs of...you guessed it...maternity clothes! There are SO many clothes in these tubs that it's like Christmas morning every time I need to pick out something to wear. I was so BLESSED by this amazing gesture. Now, I am totally set when it comes to winter maternity clothes. This just proved to me that GOD IS watching over us and HE does CARE about the little things in our life.

Please continue to pray for our family as we are in this season of change that God's peace and direction would be so real to us. I will try to update the blog more regularly...if there is even anyone reading this blog still...it really does help me to put my thoughts on "computer".

God Bless each of you!

Emma Grace Lockwood

2009-08-26T11:38:00.002-04:00

That is the name of the baby girl I am blessed to be carrying in my belly right now. I could NOT contain my excitement yesterday when we found out that our baby is a GIRL!

As long as I can remember, I have always wanted a daughter. I have always wanted to have a mother/daughter relationship, and God in is infinite power, has decided to make my dreams come true.

I can't wait until the day that Emma is born and they place her on my stomach and I look into the eyes of my daughter. Daughter...I love that word. I love it when it's used because of me. I love being a daughter to my parents. My mother and I didn't always have the best relationship...my middle school years were pretty rough, and I didn't always treat my mother with the respect that she deserves. But as I have gotten older, I have come to know and love my mother in a deeper way than I ever have in my life. I think when daughters become mothers...the mothers take on a more special role.

I will never forget calling my mother on NUMEROUS occassions when my oldest son was a baby/toddler and saying these words, "Mom, if I was anything like Timmy is right now..God Bless You!" Me becoming a mother thrust me into my mother's world. I was so far from home, and yet my mother was ALWAYS there for me...day or night. Everyday that my mother is on this earth, is sweeter than the day before.

I loved getting to call my mother yesterday to tell her she will have her 2nd granddaughter. I love that I will now have new "mother" things to talk about with raising my daughter. I am so blessed beyond words for this wonderful gift. I pray that my relationship with Emma will be just as close as my relationship with my mother. My mother has been my rock this past year, and I hope to one day be able to be that "Rock" for Emma.

Thank you God for my daughter!

My Little Boy Silas

2009-08-12T11:09:00.003-04:00

Do you like Silas' hair? If you know my Silas, then you know he sucks his two middle fingers on his right hand and twirls his hair with his left hand. This used to happen all the time, but lately, we have noticed that he only sucks his fingers when he is tired, going to sleep or has gotten in trouble. Since he "twirled" his hair in his fingers, we had been keeping his hair a little longer on the top. It got to the point where the hair was just unruly. I mean, it would just NOT lay down and it got too long to "style". So, Saturday, I asked Ed if we would cut the boys hair. He has already been cutting Timmy's hair, and I finally gave in and told Ed to cut Silas' hair short all over. I must say...he looks quite adorable with his hair cut so short. He no longer can "twirl" his hair, but he rubs and pats his hair instead. He looks like such a big boy.

Everytime I look at him now, I realize he is going to be a big brother. I can't believe that Silas is not going to be the "baby" anymore. I know that my baby isn't due until January, and I will cherish EVERY moment of this time keeping Silas as my baby. At the same time, he will need to transition to a big boy bed because the crib needs to be for the baby. The bed is already set up in Timmy's room, but the thought of Silas being more mobile isn't something we are quite ready for. I always look at the boys before I go to bed, and last night, I noticed that Silas is getting so long, that he really only has about a foot left before he will be too big for the crib. I guess one day, we are just going to have to get brave and try it out.

I know...he can't be a baby forever...but he will always be "my" baby! A gift God gave to me the summer after I miscarried the first time. God is good, all the time, all the time, God is good.

Not Me Monday!

2009-08-10T10:38:00.003-04:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I most certainly did NOT leave a load of wet towels in the washer all night on Saturday. I then most certainly did NOT just wash them again on Sunday night. They are most certainly NOT still in the washing machine on Monday morning. I always stay on top of my laundry duties!

I did NOT go to Wally world during my lunch break last week, and I did NOT buy Gatorade, Swiss Cake Rolls and Almond Joys. This is NOT the wierdest pregnancy craving I have had this go round...I am NOT still enjoying those Swiss Cake Rolls at my desk. YUM!

I have NOT been counting down the days to find out the sex of the baby in my belly. I am NOT secretly hoping for a little girl. I am NOT planning to take a half day on "the" day so that if baby is said girl, I will NOT go and buy something pink. (Note: I WILL be thrilled if it's another boy, but there is no harm in hoping for a girl)

Here's what I did NOT do...how about you?

17 weeks and growing

2009-08-07T10:47:00.005-04:00

So, here you have it. My very first pregnancy picture this time around. I have been meaning to take a picture before now, but I never seem to remember when Ed or I have a camera. I can't believe it's been 17 weeks. My next appointment is on August 11th, and at that appointment, I will make THE appointment. You know, the appointment where they check all the baby's body parts and organs...the appointment where we will know if I am carrying our Emma Grace or our Jacob Neal. I can't wait to find out...I will really be happy with whatever God has blessed us with, but I am secretly hoping for a little girl. I am outnumbered right now, and would LOVE to have another girl on my side. Plus, this pregnancy has been different than with the boys. I have been sick, sick, sick all the way up to last week. So, 16 weeks of feeling sick is yucky, but so worth it.

I have to tell you something that Timmy said last night that was just precious. I had a craving for Wendy's Chili. I know...it's in the heat of the summer, and I want hot chili...but the baby wants what the baby wants. Anyway, I am sitting there eating my chili sitting next to Timmy, and with every bite that goes into my mouth, I am making a sound like "Mmmmmm". (If you are a member of my family...you can remember this sound well.) He looks at me, rubs my belly, and then says, does the baby like that chili? I just smiled at him and said, absolutely!

I am hoping to continue updating this blog about my pregnancy. I am finally feeling better and have a ton of energy that I didn't have for the past 16 weeks. Stay tuned...I will let you know THE appointment date next week.

A Refuge in Times of Trouble

2009-08-05T12:38:00.004-04:00

My mom called today to give me a verse she read during her quiet time. She thought it would be bring me encouragement. My mom is ALWAYS thinking about her children and praying for us on a daily basis, so when she called to give me this verse. I felt blessed to have this word from the Lord.

Nahum 1:7 (NIV)

The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him

This verse really speaks to me right now. If you have been following my blog, then you know that Ed and I stepped out on faith and moved to Atlanta, GA so Ed could work with ISF. Things have DEFINITELY been tough for us, but as written in past blogs, God has never left us. We have truly been blessed through this journey.

After reading this verse from mom, I felt it important to share a recent "blessing" we received from the Lord. Our van had a flat tire on Sunday, and thankfully, our spare is a real tire and not a doughnut. So, Ed was able to drive the van to get the flat tire looked at. He took the tire to a "used" tire place that was recommended by a close friend in Acworth. Upon arriving, Ed found out that we needed 2 tires instead of just the one that was flat. Everyone knows that tires are NOT cheap these days, and with needing 2, I was so worried that it would cost us an arm and a leg. But, what are you to do when you rely on that vehicle to transport your family to and fro. However, I was thrilled when Ed called me and told me that they gave us 2 used, but look brand new tires for....get this...$50 TOTAL. That is with labor AND the cost of the tires! I shouted PRAISE THE LORD! I know to some this may not sound like much, but when money is tighter than it has EVER been...this was TRULY God caring for us.

I have to come to relish in the "little" blessings in my life, and most of the time, those "little" blessings turn out to be HUGE!

Timmy's First Grade Year

2009-08-03T11:34:00.004-04:00

Well, my boy started 1st grade today! I can not believe that his summer is over. It seems like it just started, and now he returns to school on August 3rd. I think that is the earliest I have ever heard of starting a school year, but Cherokee County gives a week break every 6 weeks or so. He will have a "Fall Break" in September, a week at Thanksgiving, a couple of weeks at Christmas, a "Winter Break" in February, a "spring break" in April and school out by Memorial Day. Whew...that made me tired just writing it.

I know he is my son, but I feel Timmy has matured some over the summer. I KNOW he grew because his jeans are somewhat "high waters" if you know what I mean. Thankfully, he can wear shorts to school until it gets colder, so it will give me an opportunity to get him some jeans/pants before he HAS to wear them.

Last Thursday was the "meet and greet" at his school. Ed had to work that night, and I left Silas with a babysitter so it could just be a "Timmy" night. He was SO excited to meet his teacher and see his classroom. When we got to the school, the parking lot was like a parking lot...there wasn't a single space available. People were parking on the sidewalks, parking at houses up the street and walking...I decided to try my luck at the bus parking lot, and luckily..there was a space available. Once we got into the school, we went to the "wall" to see what classroom he was in and what hallway we needed to take to get there.

We found the hallway and classroom with no problems, and in entered Timmy. I wish I had brought my camera because I have never seen him walk with his shoulders held high and his chest sticking out...too funny. We were introduced to his teacher, Miss Roach, and she showed Timmy where his desk was. He was so excited that he had his very own desk with a shelf to put his supplies and books in. While Miss Roach was going over some basic information with me, Timmy sat down at his desk and was just beaming from ear to ear. After awhile, a little boy came in that was in Timmy's kindergarten class and that just thrilled Timmy to pieces. He didn't think he would know anyone in his class.

After we said goodbye to Miss Roach, Timmy wanted to go see if he could find Miss Parker, his K5 teacher. We found her and he ran in and gave her a big hug! She said, "Timmy, you have grown over the summer, and he said, "Yes I have." She asked him who his teacher was and he said, "Miss Roach...like the bug" I had to laugh quietly to myself because when we were walking to find Mrs. Parker, Timmy was having trouble remembering his teacher's name, so I told him it was Miss Roach like the bug. I had no idea that was how he would tell other people.

Timmy is a car rider, and I wanted to walk with him from the car rider door to his classroom to make sure he knew how to get there. So we walked to the car rider door, turned around and off we went. I started walking beside him, and he turned around and said, you follow me so I can show you where to go. This kid is hilarious. Once again, walking down the long, main hallway to the "blue hallway", he walked with his chest out and shoulders raised. He was so proud of himself. I was very impressed...he found his classroom again with no problems.

Fast Forward to this morning....I woke him at 6:30 and he opened his eyes with a smile on his face and jumped out of bed. (Oh how I wish EVERY morning was like the 1st day of school) He was really excited to get to school, that he kept rushing me to get ready and for us to leave. It was 7:00 and he wanted to walk out the door. They don't even open the car rider line until 7:10, so we were a little early. We got to the school, and IT WAS UNBELIEVABLE. I think every parent was walking there child to class that day. There were like 100 parents in the office when I went in to get Timmy's car rider pass. I ended up walking Timmy to class, and once again, followed him with his chest out and his shoulders raised. He walked straight into the classroom and sat down at his desk. He was so proud to be there. As we were walking to class, he asked me, "Do you think Miss Roach is going to be pretty today?" (She is a VERY beautiful young lady, and he talked about how pretty she was over the weekend) I told him, "Timmy, I am sure she is going to be pretty everyday"

I am hoping that he is excited about going to school for years to come, but I am sure as he gets older, it will be harder and harder to get him ready for school. I will just cherish these young years when school is all the rage. I can't wait to get home from work to get a full report on the 1st day of school in 1st grade!

Going Through The Motions

2009-07-23T09:24:00.004-04:00

This week has been just what I have needed during this time in my life. My boys are spending the week with my sister in NC so that Ed could help out ISF with training camp. I have been able to spend time thinking and reflecting on our situation, and thanking God once again for the blessings. Don't get me wrong, I miss my boys terribly, but having a quiet house at night has been a nice change for a little while.

Recently, I have come to learn about several people going through traumatic changes in their life. Some of these people I know very personally, and others are strangers. It has made me once again put my life into perspective. Our finances are tighter than they have ever been...sometimes we don't know how we are going to buy groceries and gas, much less any "wants". But as I mentioned in my previous post, Ed and I have been blessed. We do not have to worry about losing our car, we do not have to worry about getting evicted, we have water and electricity. Our children are healthy, they do not have a long term illness. I am pregnant with our 3rd child, and each day that passes brings me one day closer to meeting this baby that God has entrusted me to carry. We have been blessed with a 2nd car as a gift which has allowed us to actually save money on gas. I could go on and on about how I am blessed...but I say all of this to lead into the reason for the title of my post.

With all that I have, I don't want to be "comfortable" with just going through the motions. I don't want to just be satisfied with our blessings, and forget to make God the priority in my life. I have a tendency when things are going good, to put God on a shelf and act like I don't need HIM. But when things are stressful, and I don't know where the money is going to come from to pay for this or that, then I want to take God off the shelf and beg HIM to help me. But what kind of relationship is that with the ONE who gives me breath to breathe, blesses us beyond our comprehension, and watches over and protects us on a daily basis. (I can name at least 4 incidents in the past 2 weeks where I know an angel put their hand on my bumper and prevented someone from hitting me.) I should never be "going through the motions". First and foremost, GOD should be the center of my universe. So many times I put Ed and the boys above God and that shouldn't be. When we moved up here to GA, we were stepping out on faith. But do I really have the faith and believe that God can take care of us? If so, then why do I find myself trying to "control" areas in my life that should be HIS. My whole LIFE should be HIS, and yet somehow, in my little woman brain, I think I know what's best for my life. It's during these times where I put God on the shelf, when things are the hardest for us. I want my every breath to be about HIM...I want my faith to be so strong, that I NEVER put God on a shelf again. I don't want to go through the motions...I want a deep, personal relationship with my Saviour. I can't have that relationship if I don't spend time with HIM, in the word, in prayer on a consistent, daily basis.

Timmy is getting ready to start 1st grade on August 3rd, and I am determined to get into a routine where family devotions is a priority! I remember vividly the nights when I was younger, that our family would sit in the living room, and Dad would open up that big, white family Bible and we would spend time TOGETHER as a family in the Word. I also remember how exciting it was when I could FINALLY read and was able to take that big, white family Bible and read a passage on my own. I want Timmy to experience that. Ed and I need to be intentional with our son's lives. We don't need to rely on the church to raise them up spiritually. That is OUR responsibility as parents. I want our boys to truly understand what it means to walk by faith and not by sight. I want them to understand the reason why we left Texas and moved to GA. But most importantly, I want them to come to know the Lord as their personal Saviour. I want them to know God on a personal level, and understand what it means to follow HIM.

This week has definitely been a week of reflection. I look forward to bringing my boys back on Sunday, and starting a fresh, new walk where GOD is the center of our universe.

Above All Else..I AM BLESSED

2009-07-16T11:30:00.005-04:00

I just have to say what a WONDERFUL summer of 2009 this has turned out to be! The past 10 months have DEFINITELY been THE HARDEST months of my entire life. God has truly used this time in our lives to refine us to become more like HIM. Never would I have dreamed when I pulled out of UMHB in September of 2008, that Ed and I would have so many HIGHS and LOWS in our adventures of walking by faith.

When we left UMHB to move to Atlanta, we knew upon arriving, that ISF was unable to pay Ed for working. We were coming on a volunteer basis, because we HEARD God tell us to "Go Now!" ISF had a need, and we were being called to meet that need. We didn't have a place to live, we didn't have jobs, we didn't have a church home anymore...we only had each other and the FAITH that GOD will take care of us. And even though Ed still doesn't have a full time job...God has TRULY taken care of us. We have been blessed beyond measure. Not necessarily FINANCIAL blessing...but God's blessings do not always have to be financial.
HE has blessed us with amazing family and friends who have stepped up right beside us to walk this road with us.
HE has lead us to a new home church where we sit under a pastor who loves God and who loves people and truly challenges us each and every week to persevere in our faith. I can't tell you how many times the sermons that Pastor George has preached have been the exact words we needed to hear.
HE has given us a community/small group that has wrapped their arms around us and loved us, prayed with us, cried with us, and rejoices with us. They have become like family to us, and we are so blessed to be in their lives.
HE has walked with us through another miscarriage in January, actually carrying us most of the time, and then turned right around and BLESSED us with our next child that I carry with honor and gratitude.
In May, we were blessed to get a taste of TEXAS when Ed's best friend Tim and his precious wife dropped in for a visit. Oh, how we needed a touch of "home".
HE has made it possible for our NC family members to visit on 3 different occassions this summer, and EACH of those times, we have been ABUNDANTLY blessed by their visit.
HE has provided ways for our NC family to watch our boys on the two most important weeks in ISF for Ed - training camp.
HE has used my father to bless us by GIVING us a car, so now we are a 2 car family. This has saved us time AND money on gas!
HE has blessed me with a little sister who gives me a glimpse of the goodness of God EVERYTIME I am with her. We are both living in different places this year than we were last year. God has been working in her famiy in the past year and I am HONORED to be able to sit and watch how GOOD GOD has been to her and her family! I love you little Nikki! Thanks for blessing me this week!

After all of these blessings, I can't help but throw my worries about our future aside and dwell on the fact that GOD has NEVER left us! And because of that I can say,

ABOVE ALL ELSE....I AM BLESSED

Just Look To The Right

2009-06-29T10:54:00.002-04:00

Do you see it? I am THRILLED to announce the suprise blessing of baby #3 scheduled to arrive January 13, 2010. Ed and I chose to wait until I reached the 12 week mark before sharing our news. After the miscarriage in January, we wanted to make sure this baby was going to be ok. I have been to the doctor 3 times already and have had 3 ultra sounds. The doctor says this pregnancy looks great!

I had SO much fun spilling the beans to my family this weekend in North Carolina. We told Timmy on Thursday night that Mommy had a baby in her belly. And all weekend, we allowed Timmy to be the one to share the news with our family. He was thrilled to announce that he was going to be a big brother again.

I look at Silas, and I can't believe he is going to be a big brother now...he looks so little. But I can't wait to find out the sex of this baby at the end of the August. We are hoping for a girl, but will be happy to just have a healthy baby.

Whew...now I feel like I can start regularly blogging again. It was so hard not to write about this pregnancy or how I was feeling because it was a secret. Keep checking back and I will have updates as they arise. I love the widget on the blog, because it lets you see what the baby looks like inside.

PRAISE GOD FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW!

Claiming These Verses

2009-06-18T17:34:00.002-04:00

These verses about sum up how my life has been right now. They gave me such comfort today!

Matthew 6:25-34 (ESV)

25) Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?
26) Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not more value than they?
27) And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?
28) And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin,
29) yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
30) But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
31) Therefore do not be anxious by saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'
32) For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father KNOWS that you need them all.
33) But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and ALL these things will be added to you.
34) Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

AMEN and AMEN

Long Overdue Update

2009-06-08T16:27:00.002-04:00

It's been awhile since I have updated the blog, and I decided today would be as good a day as any. My mom came to visit from May 22nd through June 1st, so that was a MUCH NEEDED visit for me. It was so good having family visit in Atlanta. Sometimes Ed and I feel alone, and it was just good for me to have family in town.

TIMMY - finished Kindergarten on May 29th! He is officially a 1st grader. I don't think he quite understands what summer vacation really means yet, but I am sure it will catch on pretty quickly. He enjoyed having Nana here for a week, and is counting down the days when Nana, Papa and Titi come down for a visit during the 4th of July week. He LOVES to go swimming and is so excited that our apartment has a pool.

SILAS - is learning more and more words everyday. I am really going to have to video him talking. He has a deep little voice, and his mouth looks precious when he says his words. He and Timmy have really enjoyed playing together. Silas will just squeal with laughter when Timmy chases him around the apartment. It's so cute to watch this brotherhood!

ED - had a job interview for a Full Time job on June 1st, but we found out on Friday, that he didn't get it :( He is still working part-time at the Movie Theatre, but the income he and I are bringing in is not enough to make ends meet. So, he started applying at more jobs over the weekend. If you would, please pray for Ed to find the job that God wants him to have, and that we would have patience as we wait for God's timing.

ME - I am still working full time at Life University. I have 4 courses left in my Medical Transcriptionist course, and I hoping to finish by the end of the summer, if not sooner. I REALLY want to be able to work at home as soon as possible, but I know I have to wait for God's timing. I miss the boys when I am at work, especially now that Timmy is out of the school for the summer.

I am hoping to blog more often this month, but sometimes, I get so bogged down with things at work, that time just slips by. I hope that you all are having a very enjoyable summer! Just think...2 more months, school starts again :)

I FINALLY Won!!!

2009-05-29T14:23:00.001-04:00

I have entered about a hundred or so blog giveaways since I started blogging, and I NEVER have won until TODAY! My friend Amy, from Texas, did a blog giveaway for her 1 year blog anniversary, and I WON by random draw! Woo Hoo! Head on over to her blog to see what I won! :) This just made my day!

Um...Excuse Me.

2009-05-27T16:33:00.002-04:00

I was in the Women's bathroom today at my place of employment taking care of business. I finished...came around the corner to wash my hands...and you will never guess what I saw...

...there was a male student washing his hands in the first sink. He looked at me through the mirror with a shocked look on his face and said, "Am I in the wrong bathroom?" (In my head I said, "Either that or I am.") I said, "Yeah...this is the women's bathroom." He responded with "holy crap, I just came in here to blow my nose and wash my hands. I have been sick for 4 days and can't seem to get my bearings." The whole time we are talking, we are both just washing our hands. I mean he didn't even quickly put an end to the handwashing...he just stood there having a conversation with a stranger in the female bathroom. We both finished about the same time, and he held open the door for me. I must say, that I have never had a gentleman open the door for me in a WOMEN'S BATHROOM!

It definitely gave me a laugh today...I hope you enjoyed this too.

My 2 Boys

2009-05-20T10:06:00.005-04:00

Monday night, Timmy's t-ball team had an awards banquet to give out end of season awards. Timmy has really enjoyed playing t-ball this year. It wasn't as competitive as the team in Belton last summer, but Timmy didn't really notice the difference. He has a great arm, and did really good in the outfield. He was really hard on himself when he didn't get the ball or didn't get someone out. One game, he was playing first base, and instead of watching for someone to throw him the ball, he would watch the runner coming to first base. Well, the other teammates were throwing the ball to 1st base. Then, he had to run and get the ball and off the runner went. It took us a couple runners to get him to look for the ball. He did really good and his mommy & daddy couldn't have been more proud of him.

Here is a picture of Silas' face after eating his mini-cupcake. For some reason, when Silas' hands are dirty, he doesn't give me a chance to wipe them off...he just rubs his hands in his hair and down his face. Timmy didn't like anything on his hands, and would just shake them until I would wipe them off. Not, Silas...he just wipes them off in his hair. This kid has had more baths because of dirty hair than because of dirty body!

Here is a picture of Timmy and the medal he received at the banquet. All the kids got medals. He was so proud of himself. They also got treat bags with "baseball" candy and toys.

Timmy only has 1 more week of school left. I can NOT believe his kindergarten year is just about over. My baby is going to be in 1st Grade next year! WOW...that makes me feel old!

Mother's Day Gift and a Heaven Story

2009-05-12T11:19:00.004-04:00

This Mother's Day, I received a precious gift from Timmy. He came home on Friday with a black scroll with a ribbon around it and told me it was for my special day. So, on Sunday morning, I opened up the scroll. On the top was a picture that Timmy drew of me, and on the bottom was this:

His teacher had asked him questions, and he "filled in the blank". Since it's hard to read, I will retype it here. (Timmy's answers are in bold)

My Mom is the most wonderful mom in the world!

Her name is Elizabeth.
She's as pretty as a rainbow.
She is 40 years old.
She has green eyes and red hair.
She weighs 55 pounds and is 10 feet tall.
Her favorite food is pizza.
In the good ole days when she was little, she used to play with baby toys.
I think my Mom is funny when she is silly.
But I know when she's really angry when I get on red.
I wouldn't trade my mom for X-men.
I love my Mom because she makes great food.

Happy Mother's Day Mom
Love, Timmy (I love that he signed his own name)

Timmy was SO proud of this gift. He gave me about a million hugs on Mother's Day! I told him that HE was the one that made me a mommy, and I that I love him very much! I was able to spend the day with my husband and my boys...it was a great day.

HEAVEN STORY - The sweet, precious baby that I have been praying for since last year, Kayleigh Anne Freeman, passed away last night. If you have been reading my blog, then you know about sweet Kayleigh. If you don't know what I am talking about, please click on the "Praying for Kayleigh" button on my sidebar. My heart goes out to this family right now. They never got to bring her home to her room. Please pray with me for peace for this family during this time.

Not Me Monday

2009-05-11T09:57:00.006-04:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

This week, I did NOT explain, in detail, what a tornado was to my 6 year old son. He does NOT think that every cloud in the sky is going to be a tornado. He does NOT think that our van will get turned upside down because of a tornado. I would NEVER tell my 6 year old what a real tornado was, I always sugarcoat catastrophic events.

After MckMama's Reality TV Show Tweet, I did NOT respond with a title idea. I did NOT then dream about winning the little contest. I further then did NOT dream I was a part of said Reality TV Show and was "on the set" with MckMama.

While doing laundry this week, I did NOT leave a washed load of clothes in the washing machine for 2 days. I did NOT re-wash that load again with more soap, they did NOT smell of mildew after the 2nd washing. I did NOT put 3 dryers sheets in the dryer to get rid of the mildew smell. They did NOT come out smelling like fabric softener.

That was my week...how was yours?

My Mother

2009-05-09T22:51:00.008-04:00

I am blessed beyond measure when it comes to Mothers. You see, I have the best mother in the world.

When I was little, I wanted to be just like her. I remember the mornings I would walk into her room and find her sitting on her bed, with her Bible in her lap, her hands folded, praying. She instilled in my sisters and I a passion for the Lord.

As I got older, say 5th or 6th grade, I went through a TERRIBLE period of my life when I hated my mother. I don't remember every detail, because I think I've blocked it out on purpose. But, I do remember my mom giving me a journal so that I could write my feelings down...it was red with teddy bears, and the teddy bears were wearing blue overalls. It had a lock and key. I didn't write very many entries. But years later...when I was getting ready to go to college...I found that journal, opened it up and read what I wrote. It broke my heart....one particular entry said, "I HATE MY MOM! SHE DOESN'T LOVE ME LIKE SHE LOVES TINA AND NIKKI." I was literally in tears because my mother has NEVER hated me. She has NEVER loved me less than my sisters. She has ALWAYS wanted the VERY best for me...even if that meant it was hard on her.

When I was in high school, I became much closer to my mother. The adolescent years had quickly gone away, and mom became my best friend. I watched as she sacrificed for her family in so many ways. I was so proud of her for going back to college while I was in high school, and we shared graduation years. I graduated from high school in 1992, and she graduated from college in 1992.

After high school, I went to college. And it wasn't until I was away from home that I realized how much I truly did love my mother. I missed her like crazy. We had a scheduled once a week phone call, but we always ended up talking more than just once a week.

After college, I moved back home with my parents while I determined what I was going to do with my life. I remember driving home late one night from Lynchburg, VA to ask my parent's if I could move back home. I cried all the way there, because I wanted to be near them again. Without hestitation, my parents resounded emphatically with Yes, Of Course...this will always be your home.

While I was living at home, I met my husband online and got engaged and moved to Texas. Here I was, once again, moving away from her. From September to February, we had LOTS of fun planning the wedding. Since the wedding was in NC, and I was already settling into Texas life, mom had to do alot of the ground work. We spoke almost everyday. I think my love got enormously stronger during the week of my wedding. Things were really stressful for me, and the Thursday night before the wedding, I came home late after dropping the wedding party off at my aunt's house, and my mom was still up. It was the first time all day that I got to see her face to face after the craziness of the day...I walked into her room, fell on the bed and just cried, and cried. My mom, in her usual way, held me in her arms and told me everything was going to be ok. She always has the right words to say.

In 2003, I became a mother...I will never forget calling her at 5 AM on April 30th and asking her if I what I was experiencing was labor. See, she was unable to be there for the birth of my firstborn because she was a school teacher. Oh, how I wanted her to be there. I remember all the many, many times I would call her and say, "Mom, if I was anything like Timmy, God Bless You." I quickly realized that being a mother is not an easy task. But I am most proud of the fact, that I now share that title with her. After all of these years, I truly understood a Mother's Love. I understood how hard my mother prayed for us girls. I understood how a mother's love is so unconditional. I understood that no matter what my son did...I could NEVER stop loving him.

In March of 2006, I had a miscarriage. I was at home in NC visiting for Spring Break when it happened. God orchestrated the events to take place in NC...with my mom. See, she had a miscarriage after me, and before my sister...she knew the pain I was going through. No-one else in my family had experienced what I was going through..she knew exactly what to say, and when to say it...but most importantly...she held me when I cried. I know it was breaking her heart to see one of her daughters go through this, but God allowed her to be strong for me.

In September of 2006, I found out I was pregnant again. I called my mom first to tell her...I knew that she would be so happy for me. She retired in May of 2006, so I knew that she would be available to come down for the birth. It's always been a dream of mine to have my mother in the room when my children were born. Since she couldn't be there for Timmy, she promised she would be there for Silas. **I must give further details about the day Silas was born. My mom and husband came with me at 6am to get admitted in the hospital. I was being induced, but I didn't want mom to miss anything. Let me just tell you...my mother was amazing that day! She NEVER left the room unless I MADE her go get herself something to eat. She waited so long to eat meals that day, because she knew I couldn't eat, and she didn't want to eat in front of me. When my progress was slow, and my husband had fallen asleep in the recliner, and I was so frustrated that it was taking so long...my mom was there for me. She helped me get my mind off the slowness and off the renovations going on above our room. When it was time for me to push...she was right there...watching her grandson take his first breath. She stayed with me in the hospital, and even though she was tired, and had been awake as long as I had, she took care of Silas so I could sleep. She stayed with me for 3 weeks after Silas was born, and I will NEVER forget those 3 weeks. My dream had come true for my mother to be there, and it was PERFECT!

The older I get, the more I have to appreciate who my mother is, what my mother has done, and how blessed I am to be able to call her MY Mother. Life for me since I moved to GA has been the hardest road I have ever walked in my life. But the one constant, encouraging thing through it all is my mother. She ALWAYS knows exactly what I need to hear. She ALWAYS thinks about me. And I feel honored that she talks to God about me, because I consider my mother one of the biggest prayer warriors on this planet. From the first memory I have of walking into her room and seeing her praying, she has been consistently walking with the Lord and serving Him. I pray the Lord comes back to earth and takes us ALL home before my mother passes away...because... I don't know if I can live without her.

So Mom, as I sit her sobbing, I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I can't say it enough. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being such a godly mother, Nana, daughter, and friend. I pray that I can raise my boys the way you have raised me and my sisters. Please remember whenever you are having a bad day...that you are TRULY the GREATEST MOTHER I could have EVER dreamed of having.

I miss you and can't wait til you come to GA for a visit! I need some Mama loving! :)

One For the Record Book

2009-05-06T08:18:00.003-04:00

This morning on the way to school, Timmy and I engaged in a conversation that went something like this....

Mommy: "What special do you have on Wednesday?"

Timmy: "Art. I don't like art."

Mommy: "Why don't you like art? Are you not an artist?

Timmy: "No, I am a PE-tist."

I about had to pull the car over I was laughing so hard. Timmy's favorite subject, other than Math, is PE! I couldn't believe that he came up with PE-tist on his own. After I asked him about not being an artist, I was afraid I was going to have to explain that word, and he pulls out PE-tist!

He is TOO funny sometimes.

My Baby is 2

2009-05-05T09:29:00.025-04:00

In March of 2006, I had my first miscarriage. At that time, I didn't think that I would ever have another baby...but GOD had other plans. I found out in September of 2006 that I was going to have a baby in May of 2007. I was THRILLED! I did not let a day go by that I didn't praise our Father in heaven for allowing me to carry this child another day.

On May 5, 2007, Silas Alexander Lockwood was born. He had the most beautiful head of dark hair that I had ever seen on a baby. He had the chubbiest little cheeks that I could have kissed all night. He looked like an angel sent from Heaven...and he was. All I wanted to do was hold Silas and look at his precious little face. God had given us a beautiful, healthy baby boy! I will never forget the moment that Timmy walked in the room to meet his baby brother. Papa had been watching him at our house while I was in labor. I am so glad that we were able to catch that moment on camera. Timmy was so enthralled with Silas' feet. Everytime someone came into the room to see us, Timmy would say, "Look at this feet. They are so little". A dream had come true for me that day...not only did God give us a healthy baby, but my mom was in the delivery room with me. She got to watch her new grandson come into this world and breathe his first breath. It makes me tear up just writing that because I wouldn't have wanted it ANY other way!

Silas was the BEST baby. He was so laid back and hardly ever cried at all. I had read the book Babywise, and was determined to get Silas on a better schedule than when I had Timmy. And you know what...I didn't even have to try that hard. Silas (on his own) would eat, be alert, sleep, then eat, be alert, sleep. It was like magic. I will never forget that first night holding him in my arms, and being so extremely thankful that God had blessed us with another son. After the pain of the miscarriage, it was like God replaced the feeling of "empty arms" with a perfect baby.

Ed and I have been so blessed with 2 amazing sons that were BOTH born in May. With Silas turning 2 today, I decided to post some pics of Silas' life since he was born.

Happy Birthday Sweet Boy! You truly are a GIFT from GOD!

Not Me Monday

2009-05-04T11:37:00.002-04:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week. MckMama has been on a Not Me Monday hiatus while caring for her baby, so I have had PLENTY of opportunities to have NOT ME MONDAY. But these take the cake, and they all happened in the last 4 days.

This week, I did NOT use public bathroom paper towels as a diaper changing pad while I was changing my little one. They did NOT stick to his bum, and I did NOT make more of a mess than if I were to just use the new diaper underneath instead of paper towels.

My little one did NOT fall 4 times in 4 days and he did NOT hit his head all 4 times. He did NOT do this while I was supposed to be watching him, and holding his hand. I did NOT feel bad, and my darling hubby did NOT give me a hard time. One of those times was NOT in Target and I was NOT embarrassed that my little one was screaming bloody murder at the registers while I was trying to make a purchase, and couldn't hear the cashier talking to me. Didn't he know that I was deaf at that point and couldn't hear him trying to make jokes, nor was I in the mood for his unfunny satire.

After the Target incident, I did NOT wake up my little one an hour after he went to sleep. I was NOT worried that he had a concussion when, after picking him up, he wouldn't wake up. I did NOT bring him to my husband worried that I had given my son a concussion. My darling husband did NOT just say my little one's name and he woke right up for him. I was NOT relieved that he didn't have a concussion.

I did NOT fall down more than one time while bowling on Saturday at my son's 6th birthday party. I did NOT get up and act like I did that on purpose. My 6 year old did NOT come and tell me that wasn't the way you were supposed to bowl. I was NOT utterly embarrassed in front of my closest friends and the other strangers who were also bowling on a busy Saturday.

I did NOT forget birthday candles for my son's birthday party, I did NOT forget wrapping paper for my son's presents, and I did NOT make 3 separate trips to the Dollar Store to make these purchases. I always make a list and have great organization about the parties that I throw for my children.

This was my week....how was yours?

My Oldest Turns 6

2009-05-01T22:53:00.005-04:00

My oldest son, Timmy turns 6 today! I will never forget May 1, 2003 when he arrived on this earth and gave me the most beautiful name I love to hear... Mother. To honor my boy, I want to post some pics of Timmy through the years. I tried to find birthday pics for each year, but I am missing the 2nd and 4th birthday pictures, so I will just post pictures from during the years of 2 and 4.

When Timmy was little, he didn't like to get his hands dirty. He HATED touching the grass. He HATED having sticky stuff on his hands. So, when it came time for the BIG 1st birthday cake smash...he didn't go for it. I had to put his hand in the cake and then he started crying and shook his hand and got cake all over me. He ended up eating it with a fork.

When Timmy turned 2, we had his party at his Grandma & Grandpa's house in Austin, TX. They had a park on the other side of their fence. We invited all of our friends from church and their little ones. There were actually more adults than children. But Timmy didn't care, he seemed oblivious to the crowd. My cousin was living with us at the time, and she made Timmy an Elmo cake. Timmy was REALLY into Elmo...red has always been his favorite color. I wonder why?

For Timmy's 3rd birthday, we had a pool party at Grandma & Grandpa's pool. Timmy didn't like to get "wet" at first. I had to put water on his arms just so he would get in. After cake, he spent most of the party kissing on his 2 year old cousin, Makayla...they were truly "kissing cousins".

For Timmy's 4th birthday party, I was about to pop with Silas. His birthday is May 1st, and I had Silas on May 5th. So, our friends Matt & Shelly Cook graciously opened up their home and did the party for Timmy. My parents were already here for the birth of Silas, so it helped ALOT to have other hands. I mostly just sat in one place in the kitchen, and the party just happened around me. I wanted to make sure this birthday was special, because for 4 years he was the only child, and I knew with the arrival of Silas, his world was getting ready to be rocked.

For Timmy's 5th birthday, he actually had a tball game that night, so afterward, we went to Mr. Gatti's Pizza and had pizza and then cake. But later that weekend, he had a party with two of his friends from UMHB, Corban and Joshua. He sorta had 2 parties, so I decided to use two pictures.

So, now that Timmy is six...let me give a rundown of what's been happening since his last birthday....

*Spent the summer in Belton, TX playing TBall for the Belton Sea Dogs. He LOVED playing tball...it was probably the highlight of the summer.

*In September, we moved from Belton, TX to Atlanta, GA. I don't think Timmy truly understood what was happening at the time. I think now, in 2009, he is realizing how much he misses Texas.

*We moved in with my best friend, her husband and their little girl Gracyn. Timmy and Gracyn became INSTANT friends.

*He started kindergarted at Welch Elementary. He LOVES school. I never have a problem getting him in the morning. Yeah, I know...he's only 5/6 right. It will get harder as he gets older.

*We moved out of my best friend's house after Timmy's semester ended, and he started going to a different school, Carmel Elementary, in January. Timmy was a little confused why he couldn't have Mrs. Mitchell as his teacher, but he has fallen in love with his new teacher, Mrs. Parker. Now he wants to know why Mrs. Parker can't go to 1st grade.

*He started playing TBall again this spring. It's not a competitive league as the on in Texas, but Timmy still LOVES to play.

I can't wait to see what this year holds. Timmy is really smart and has become very good at conversations. He LOVES any and all superheroes. I wouldn't be able to tell you which one is his favorite. He loves to go to church and learn about God and he ADORES his baby brother to pieces. If you don't know my Timmy....I hope that one day you are blessed with the opportunity to meet him. He really does warm your heart just by being in his presence.

I love you baby boy! Your mine forever!

A Fun Giveaway from the Frans Clan

2009-04-30T16:05:00.005-04:00

My friend Amy, who lives in Texas, is doing a giveway over on her blog to celebrate her 1 year blog anniversary. She is giving away a Family Fun magazine subscription.

I don't know about you, but I could always use more ideas for my precious boys. She is taking entries until May 29th which is her anniversary date. So, go on over and enter to win.

Good luck

Bible Time

2009-04-28T16:04:00.004-04:00

We have a bedtime routine in our house that consists of PJs, brush teeth, read a Bible story, pray and then lots of hugs and kisses from mommy & daddy. I usually read the Bible story just to Timmy, but since the boys are getting older (Timmy will be 6 on May 1st and Silas will be 2 on May 5th) we have started keeping Silas up to read the Bible story before putting him down for bed. I absolutely LOVE anytime I can get a photo op of my dearest hubby with my precious boys. And, last night, daddy read the Bible story while mommy snapped the picture with her phone (sorry for the fuzziness).

I love how intent the boys are on listening to the Bible story. Timmy has started asking questions about the stories..and I now that before too long...Silas will be right there asking questions too. I love to listen to Timmy pray. There is something about a child's innocent prayer that is so sweet. I can't wait til Silas can say his prayers too.

Silas' Haircut

2009-04-27T14:07:00.002-04:00

Just had to post a pic of Silas being a big boy sitting in the hair salon chair all by himself. I didn't have to hold him this time. The stylist gave him a sucker and off she went cutting his hair. I didn't get a before shot, but here is the after shot.

I can't believe he is going to be 2 next week. Time is truly flying by.

Safe In the Storm, In Daddy's Arms

2009-04-24T12:34:00.013-04:00

We had a pretty bad storm last night. It started out as rain and ugly looking clouds, and then turned to thunder, lightening and hail. We sat in our 1st floor apartment and opened up the blinds on the patio doors, turned off the light, and watched the storm. It happened around 8:00pm, and on a normal night, Timmy & Silas would have already been in bed. But on Thursday, Timmy has t-ball practice at 6:00, so our normal routine gets pushed back. We were just getting ready to put Timmy & Silas to bed when the worse part of the storm hit.

Normally, Timmy & Silas sleep right through storms. But tonight, since they were awake, Timmy was really scared. He was so scared, I wouldn't be wrong in saying he was terrified. He climbed up in his daddy's lap...that is where he feels safe. He would place his little hands over his ears so he couldn't hear the thunder or the hail hitting the windows. He would hide his face into daddy's chest every now and then when the lightening would get really bad. Silas was oblivious to the loudness of the storm and continued to run around the house as if nothing is happening. But, once he saw "Mimmy" get on Daddy's lap...up he crawled too.

I sat on the couch and took in the sight of my most precious gifts. My husband, a man who means more to me than there are words to describe it; my oldest son, Timmy, almost 6 years old, who is so smart and absolutely the funniest kid I know; and my precious baby, Silas, almost 2 years old and will do just about anything that "Mimmy" does. ("Mimmy" is how Silas says "Timmy" - it's so precious) I sat there watching my husband with his big, strong arms, cradling his sons, showing them strength, giving them protection, reassuring them that everything is going to be ok,"You are safe in my arms"...and then something hit me...

...that is how WE as children of God should feel. When things in our life are uncertain, when our children are sick, when we don't have enough money coming in, when the future is unclear, when we are scared...WE can have the assurance that we are safely in God's arms. HE is right there beside us.

My new favorite song is by Tenth Avenue North, and it's called By Your Side. It's a song sung as if God is singing to us. The words to this song have brought me so much comfort in these past few months. Here are the words:

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

Chorus:
'Cause I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
Please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

(Chorus 2x)

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

(Chorus 2x)

So, just as Timmy & Silas were safe in their daddy's arms last night. I am also safe in my Heavenly Father's arms. That is such an awesome thing to know. We are TRULY blessed beyond all measure.

50 Random Things About Me

2009-04-23T13:09:00.003-04:00

1. What color is your toothbrush?
Red and White

2. Name one person who made you smile today:
Thinking about my hubby

3. What were you doing at 8 am yesterday morning?
Sitting in traffic trying to get to work

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago?
Making copies of past Natural Science Schedules

5, What is your favorite candy bar?
Hmmm…hard one…I have so many I like…I will say Hershey’s Dark Chocolate

6. Have you ever been to a strip club?
Absolutely NOT

7. What is the last thing you said aloud?
Sure, go on back. (To a student wanting to see a professor)

8. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey

9. What was the last thing you had to drink?
Coke Cherry Zero

10. Do you like your wallet?
Yes, it’s zebra print and matches my purse I got at CCA Cheer Nationals

11. What was the last thing you ate?
Applesauce

12. Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
nope

13. The last sporting event you watched?
Ooo…this is a hard one…Timmy’s t-ball practice. I don’t really watch sports on TV.

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?
Kettle corn

15. Who is the last person you sent a text message too?
Marleigh Clayton

16. Ever go camping?
Not since I was in TX with The Circle class

17. Do you take vitamins daily?
If I remember

18. Do you go to church every Sunday?
Yes

19. Do you have a tan?
Nope…I can’t say I have EVER had a tan. But if all of these freckles were to join together then, Yes, I would be tan.

20. Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza?
Ask my husband…I do NOT like Chinese food.

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw?
only if I am at a restaurant

22. What did your last text message say?
I asked Marleigh if she was graduating soon.

23. What are you doing tomorrow?
Working from 8am to 5pm, but during that time, I am being treated to lunch for Administrative Professionals Day

25. Look to your left, what do you see?
My desk phone, my desk fan and my 2 black organizing trays.

26. What color is your watch?
Don’t wear a watch

27. What do you think of when you hear Australia?
Outback Restaurant

29. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?
Usually go in…depends on who is in the car and what our schedule is like

30. What is your favorite number?
24

31. Who's the last person you talked to on the phone?
My hubby

32. Any plans today?
After work, going home to cook dinner and play with the kiddos

33. How many states have you lived in?
5 – North Carolina, Tennessee, Virginia, Texas and now Georgia

34. Biggest annoyance right now?
Silas’ whiny voice when he can’t tell me what he wants

35. Last song listened to?
Jars of Clay’s “Two Hands”

36. Can you say the alphabet backwards?
If I practiced

37. Do you have a maid service clean your house?
No…just me and my hubby

38. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
Flip flops – it’s finally getting warm enough to wear them in GA

39. Are you jealous of anyone?
Not really

40. Is anyone jealous of you?
Doubt it

41. Do you love anyone?
Absolutely – hubby, boys, parents, sisters, extended family, friends…too many to name

42. Do any of your friends have children?
A lot of them do

43. What do you usually do during the day?
During the week, I work 40 hours and then come home to eat supper and play with the kids. On the weekends, I enjoy every moment of freedom from my job that I have. And I enjoy going to church…so I have Sunday to look forward to, but then Monday starts a new day. And the cycle continues….

44. Do you hate anyone that you know right now?
No

45. Do you use the word 'hello' daily?
Yes

46. What color is your car?
Burgundy van

47. Do you like cats?
Depends on if they are loving or the spawn of Satan

48. Are you thinking about someone right now?
Yeah – Baby Stellan and Baby Kayleigh

49. Have you ever been to Six Flags?
Yep, and now that I live about 20 minutes from the one in GA, I am hoping to go more than I did in Texas.

50. How did you get your worst scar?
It’s on my left knee cap. When I was a senior in high school, I helped my friend “chaperone” a Halloween party for her little sister and her friends. Well, the kids were out playing freeze tag in the dark and I went across this field to tell a boy his mom was here to pick him up. Well, as I was walking back toward the house, the person who was “it” started chasing me. And what do I do…I start running. When I get to the end of the field, I didn’t realize there was a huge ditch before you got to the dirt road. So, I tripped in the ditch and slid across the gravel road on my knees. But that didn’t stop me…I got up and kept running to the porch (which was base). Upon arrival to the porch, one of my closest friends, Sam (who was also chaperoning) said, “Um Liz, you have a lot of blood running down your leg.” I looked down and almost passed out at the sight of the blood. I started going into shock so Sam picked me up and carried me in the house. Long story short…because of the blood loss, I couldn’t drive my car back to my house, so Sam took me home. My dad was in China on business, so my mom decided to wait to go to my doctor the next day. Unfortunately, it was too late to get stitches, so I had this ugly, huge open wound on my knee. It took months and months for it to heal. And because of the “no stitches”…I now have an ugly scar to prove it.

**I had fun answering these questions. I have really been feeling burdended lately, so it's was good to have something light hearted to post.

Have a great Thursday!

My Heart is Heavy

2009-04-22T16:31:00.006-04:00

If you have been reading my blog for a while, then you know how I have been following Kayleigh's Story. The One Pound Miracle that was born on June 28, 2008 at 1 pound 1 oz and 10 1/2 inches long. She has had many, many medical issues during her first 10 months of life, including open heart surgery when she was only 3 months old. Her most recent surgery on last Thursday consisted of G-Tube, Nissen, Bilateral Hernia Repair & a new Central Line Placement. She came out of surgery ok, and even started her normal recovery...but yesterday, she stopped opening her eyes and stopped waking up. Now, the doctors think she is brain dead. They are running tests to see what happened to her...they don't know what caused this to happen. But this latest surgery was the last surgery Kayleigh needed before she could come home for the 1st time..and now...she might not make it. Here is a picture of her from her blog...

I can't imagine what her parents are going through right now. I don't know why my heart is so heavy for this family...I have never even laid eyes on them in real life. But I have been following Kayleigh's story since before she was born, and after everything this family has been through, I feel like I know them. If you think about it...won't you say a prayer for this little baby. Kayleigh has made me love on my kids more than I ever have...I am so thankful that God has blessed Ed and I with 2 healthy boys...I pray that God will allow the Freeman's to bring their baby home.

New Favorite Recipe

2009-04-21T11:51:00.002-04:00

I have discovered a new recipe that Ed and I really enjoy. It's actually quite easy to make, and I want to share this new found food with all of you.

Meat Cupcakes

3/4 lb. of ground beef
1/2 c. Ketchup
1 tbsp mustard
2 tbsp brown sugar
1 can biscuits
1/4 c. shredded cheese

(1) Preheat the oven to 400 degrees
(2) Brown ground beef & drain
(3) Mix ketchup, mustard and brown sugar to make your bbq sauce
(4) Add sauce to meat
(5) Separate dough into biscuits
(6) Form dough into cups on the muffin tins
(7) Spoon the meat into the dough cups
(8) Bake for about 10 minutes (or till biscuits look done)
(9) Sprinkle the tops with cheese

If you are looking for something quick and easy to make...this is for you. If you try it, make sure to let me know how you like it. This is becoming a weekly favorite. And, what kids don't like to eat something with the word "cupcake" in it!

Enjoy

Rest Time

2009-04-20T08:53:00.005-04:00

Rest time took on a whole new meaning for our oldest son, Timmy. On Saturday afternoon, we told Timmy that we were going to have rest time. Rest time is a normal occurrence in our house on the weekends. Rest time means that Timmy has to stay in his room. He doesn't have to go to sleep, but he has to either play quietly in his room or read books. Normally, we have to remind him a couple of times to stay in his room. Well, this Saturday, he was really quiet and we thought he went to sleep. My husband had to work on Saturday night, and I was resting on the couch, so Ed went to check on Timmy before he walked out the door. And when he went into Timmy's room...this is what he found....

It's hard to see, but he has green marker and black ink on his forehead, and cheeks. He also is only wearing his underwear and has green marker all over his chest and belly and the word HULK written on his legs. When Ed asked him why he did this, Timmy replied, "I needed a mask to fight the bad guys. I'm HULK". As Ed was walking out the door, he woke me up to say he was leaving AND to tell me Timmy had a surprise for me. Timmy was SOOOO excited to show me his art work on his body. I just HAD to take a picture to document this hilarious turn of events. In my mind I was thinking, "Oh great...church is tomorrow and I may not be able to get that green "mask" off his face." Luckily, the marks came off with soap and a little bit of elbow power.

He's as good as new, although - Rest time will never be the same....

Lockwood Update

2009-04-15T10:06:00.005-04:00

It's been over a week since I blogged, and I feel a need to update the world on what's happening in our lives right now.

*PRAISE - Ed FINALLY got a part-time job last week! He got a job working at a movie theatre near our house. If you know my hubby...you know he is a HUGE movie buff. With the job, comes an enormous perk...FREE MOVIES! We are thrilled to have more income coming in, and very thankful for the job.

*PRAISE - Someone put money into our bank account and we have NO idea who it was. We are EXTREMELY thankful to the angel that God sent to help us out. It came at the PERFECT moment, and if you are the one who did this... "Thank you from the bottom of our hearts! We pray MANY, MANY blessings for you for how you have blessed us"

*Health - I have had some terribly painful headaches for the past week or so. The pain comes and goes...it's not constant, but it was so bad on Sunday, that I had to call Ed at work and ask him to come home. I couldn't even get off the couch. It felt like an elephant was standing on my face. I don't know if it's allergies (the pollen is HORRIBLE here) or sinus' or what...so if you think about it, can you please say a prayer for me? Headaches are not conducive to taking care of the kiddos after a long day at work, especially with Ed working at night now.

*The Boys - I must say that I am so proud of Timmy right now. He and Silas are becoming friends (as much as an almost 6 and almost 2 year old can be friends). Timmy used to be rough with Silas when they were playing, but now it's a normal nightly occasion that we hear Silas squealing with laughter because Timmy is tickling him or playing peek a boo with him...Timmy is REALLY becoming a GREAT big brother. I guess all of those talks about Timmy being Silas' protector have paid off. I have been working with Silas on talking...he still grunts alot to get what he wants. When he grunts, we have been saying the word of what he wants and asking him to say it. I can't believe he will be 2 in May...he's still my baby.

*Easter - Friday, we spent the day with my BFF Jenn and her daughter Gracyn in Newnan. She had planned for Timmy and Gracyn to dye Easter eggs. I used to do this all the time when I was little, but had not remembered to do this with Timmy, so I was excited to be able to start this tradition with him. When I told him we were going to "dye" Easter eggs, he said, "Mommy, I don't want the eggs to die". Jenn and I hid our laughter, and I said, "No honey, we are going to "dye" them, it's like coloring." Once he saw the cups of color...he was hooked. I'll have to post some pics of this on a later post. On Saturday, our church had an Easter egg hunt for the kids. There were 30,000 eggs laid out on a field for the taking. It was AMAZING to see the number of eggs that Timmy and Silas got (120 to be exact) filled with bubble gum, smarties, sweetarts, and gummies. Timmy was a little intimidated by the crowd at first, but as soon as they said "Go" he started grabbing those eggs. Silas didn't quite understand what was going on, but I showed him an egg and how to put it in the basket. Then he started picking up eggs, but would stop and clap his hands after each egg he put in the basket. It was so cute and great memories were had by all.

*Some of you may know, but I am taking online courses to become certified in Medical Transcription. I am hoping that when I get certified, that I will be able to find a Medical Transcription job working from home so that I can be there for Silas. I have 5 courses left out of 25, so I have been plugging away during my free time. My last 5 courses are all medical courses, so I won't be able to finish as fast as the others, but I am excited to be in the meat of this course. The school that I am taking this course from has a career center that helps their graduates get job placement upon graduation. I will be sure to keep you all updated on the status.

That about sums it all up...hopefully I will get back to blogging on a regular basis. It just depends on how each day presents itself.

Laughter Lives Tuesday

2009-04-07T11:09:00.005-04:00

This post is part of "Laughter Lives! Tuesday" on the Riggs Family Blog. Check our their blog to read everyone else's "Laughter Lives!" posts.

I am glad it is "Laughter Lives Tuesday". After the week I have had, I need some laughter.

Last week, I was helping my 5 year old with his homework. He had a worksheet on reading clocks. It only had 4 problems on the page, and they were pretty simple, 4:00, 2:00, 8:00, and 12:00.

He actually knew the correct answer for each one, and after he had written in the time, he said,

"Mommy, I am so smart. Now I can go to the 5th grade."

I am not sure what made him say "5th grade"...maybe learning to read clocks is difficult for anyone not in the 5th grade, but it got a laugh out of me. He was so serious, so I had to hide my laughter. I told him he was very smart and I was very proud of him.

So...what's made you laugh this week?

For the Love of a Child

2009-04-03T09:25:00.009-04:00

If you have read my blog at all, then you already know that I had a miscarriage at the end of January. This was the 2nd time I had a miscarriage. The first time was in March of 2006. I was at a very different place in my life back then, and I have realized that I am handling this miscarriage differently. This time, it has been REALLY hard to handle. Hard to accept the reality, that the baby that was a surprise to us, was not meant to breathe the air in which we live. I was speaking to my husband about this very thing last night. The first time I had miscarried, I had not been to my first OB appt. I was only 7 weeks along, and my OB does not see his patients until they're at least 8 weeks, preferably 10 weeks along. So, I did not have an ultrasound to "see" the baby. This most recent time, I was 8 weeks when I went to my first OB appt. I saw the little, tiny heartbeat...putting a visual picture in my heart and mind of my precious baby. So, when I miscarried, the last picture I have in my mind, is the picture of my baby on that black and white screen, not moving, no heartbeating...just as still as a picture in a frame. I went from seeing the heartbeat, knowing that my baby was alive inside of me, to seeing my baby dead. The first time I did not have tangible evidence of a "baby", I never got to "see" with my own eyes that the baby was real...but this time, it's so much harder. I still cry often when I think about how I should look right now, what plans Ed and I should be making for this new addition, what the future looks like for our family of 5. I wonder if this baby was a baby girl...I've always wanted a little girl. I wonder if this baby would have bright red hair like I did, or would she have beautiful dark hair like her daddy. I have always dreamed about bows, and hairbands...of pigtails and braids.

SIDENOTE: (When I was growing up, I LOVED to fix my cousin Marisa's hair. I was 10 years old when she was born, and my grandma watched her while my aunt worked. Since my grandparents lived in front of us, it was often you would find me standing next to Marisa's cradle watching her sleep. I always LOVED helping Grandma when she watched Marisa. She was like a real live baby doll. I got to change her diaper, feed her, put her to sleep, and often, Marisa would be wearing 2 to 3 different outfits a day because I LOVED going to the closet and picking out clothes for her to wear. It was so much fun getting to act like "mommy" when I was around her. Maybe that's why Marisa is SO special to me. I have watched her grow up...I have been there for the good times and bad times. Marisa, I hope you know how much I love you, and I am SO proud of you!!)

Since the most recent miscarriage, God has given me a passage in Psalms to cling to..this passage has helped me in some of my lowest moments.

Psalms 139: 13-16

13)For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
14)I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
15)My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16) Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

God knew that when he gave me this baby to carry, after the precious heart started beating...that the baby would be in his arms before I ever got the chance to hold my child. This has given me so much comfort during my darkest moments.

I will forever love the children that God has chosen to receive in heaven before me. When people ask how many children I have, I say 2 on earth, and 2 in Heaven. I am so thankful, and blessed for the 2 precious boys I have here on earth. They bring me SUCH joy that is unspeakable. I am truly blessed to be a mother!

Laughter Lives Tuesday

2009-03-31T08:56:00.002-04:00

This post is part of "Laughter Lives! Tuesday" on the Riggs Family Blog. Check our their blog to read everyone else's "Laughter Lives!" posts.

Wolverine

Lately, my 5 year old has been asking a lot of questions during our Bible time every night before bed concerning the topic of Jesus dying on the cross. He is very analytical in his thinking, and sometimes he asks questions that I get stumped on to know how to answer. My husband and I have been praying that God would give us the words to say that he would be able to understand. So, one night a couple of weeks ago, he was asking why Jesus had to die on the cross? I started explaining to him about our sin and because we sin, we deserve to be punished. But because God loves us SO much he sent Jesus to die on the cross to take our place. I share more and more details of the story based on the questions that follow each statement. Then, towards the end of the discussion, he decides to recap.. he says, "So, Jesus died on the cross for our sins, and (holding up his hands like claws) Wolverine has claws to protect us." I about lost it...I told him that Jesus is a true story and Wolverine is just make believe. I had been talking to him for about 15 minutes so I am not sure how much he grasped...but I will faithfully answer questions as he asks them and pray that one day, he will truly understand what it means to be a Christ follower.

The Tongue

2009-03-26T12:06:00.006-04:00

My community group at CC is studying the book of James right now. We have only finished chapters 1 and 2, but we are getting ready to study ch. 3. For those of you who don't know, the first part of James 3 talks about "Taming the Tongue". Lately, I have been finding the subject of our "tongues" coming up quite a bit in events around me, i.e. sermons, devotionals, Bible study, friends, radio etc. As a mother, I have been really convicted on how I use my tongue when it comes to my children. Timmy is going through a stage right now where he is asking "why?" on EVERYTHING it seems. And I am not talking about the "why?" questions that 2 or 3 yr olds ask, I am talking about things that I don't know the answer for or if there is even an answer. It's very hard to have patience and speak in love when you are being asked questions that you don't know the answer.

For example, on Tuesday, I had to go to the Atlanta airport to pick up Ed, and we hit downtown Atlanta around 6:00pm. Traffic was bumper to bumper, cars and trucks were weaving in and out of lanes in spaces smaller than my van, so I had to stay focused on my driving. Well, Timmy decided this was a good time to start asking me some of those "why?" questions. Here are just a few of them, "Mommy, why are those roads signs green?" and "Mommy, why are the lights on the back of those cars red?", and "Mommy, why can't we just pick up our car and fly to the airport?" And on and on it went. Finally I had to say, "Timmy, can you please not ask Mommy any questions right now, I have to concentrate on my driving?" I was proud of myself because I didn't raise my voice (for once...I know...I'm bad) and I remained calm. Then he says this, "Well, then can I ask these questions to myself?" I said, "Yes, if you say them to yourself." I was thinking he would just "think" them...nope...about 30 seconds later I hear, "Timmy, why are those road signs green?" I about hit the car in front of me I was laughing so hard. He then proceeded to answer himself..."those signs are green because they are road signs". He is too funny.

Anyway...back to the topic...James 3: 7-10 says, (7) For every kind of beast and bird, reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, (8)but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. (9) With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. (10) From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. There is so much I could go on about this passage alone, but I will pull out this.

The words that come out of our mouth...are we blessing others? OR are we cursing others? (I don't believe this is referring to "curse" words - I believe it's talking about using our words to hurt someone, not building up each other). There is a verse in Psalms that I LOVE to pray over my day and it's this: Psalms 19:14 "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer." I love this verse because I think words and our heart go hand in hand. Because what is in the heart, what we think about, what we dwell on inside, is what comes out on our tongue. I want my heart to be pleasing to the Lord, so that my words will be pleasing to the Lord.

When it comes to my children, I have to make sure that my heart is where it needs to be so that I when I speak to them it is pleasing to the Lord AS WELL AS uplifting to my children. I share this today because it is something that the Lord has been dealing with me about...how I speak to my children when I am frustrated, when I am disciplining them, when I am just speaking in general. As parents, it's OUR responsibility to raise our children in a godly home. What kind of home is it when our words are not blessing our children?

My challenge to you...take 1 day and ask God to help you think before you speak. I DID this last week, and let me tell you, I was convicted about speaking some words before I spoke them, and was able to change my heart, which changed the words from my tongue. Because, once words are spoken, you can't take them back.

On My Knees in Prayer

2009-03-25T08:28:00.004-04:00

Last fall, I came upon MckMama's blog through Angie Smith's blog "Bring The Rain". MckMama was pregnant with Baby Stellan, and at 20 weeks he was diagnosed with heart failure. At 24 weeks, the doctors told MckMama and PC that their baby boy would die. They gave Stellan completely to the Lord and trusted HIM for the outcome, whether good or bad. All of us who were praying for Stellan, prayed that God would be glorified in whatever the outcome. Well, Stellan was born FULL TERM and completely HEALED of the heart problems he was diagnosed with in the womb. Immediately we all shouted PTL and enjoyed watching him grow and amazed at the goodness of the Lord.

On Sunday, he was having a little trouble breathing, so MckMama took him into the ER. Long story short, the problems that he was having in the womb, he is having now. His heart is in SVT which means that his heart rate is dangerously high. This came as a shock to MckMama, because Stellan has shown no signs of heart problems since he was born.

I have never met this family, but having prayed for them for 8 months, and after getting to know MckMama, they feel like family to me. On Monday night, when I was praying, I felt led to read Psalm 139. This Psalm became very comforting to me during my miscarriage, and I want to share a couple of verses that I am praying over Stellan.

(13) For YOU formed Stellan's inward parts; you knitted him together in his mother's womb. (14)I praise you, for Stellan is fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are YOUR works, my soul knows it very well. (15) Stellan's frame was not hidden from YOU, when he was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. (16) YOUR eyes saw Stellan's unformed substance; in YOUR book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for Stellan, when as yet there was none of them.

Please join me in prayer for this precious little baby. Be sure to click on the picture above and read updates about Stellan's condition.

To God Be the Glory!

Not Me! Monday!

2009-03-19T23:48:00.006-04:00

**Please pray for MckMama's little baby...he needs serious prayer!**

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did NOT ask my older sister who is not married and doesn't have children how her "morning sickness" was going. I know the difference between "morning sickness" and "walking pneumonia". I would never have made this mistake. No, not me!

My DH and I did NOT look around our 3 bedroom apartment for 2 hours for an unopened box of baby wipes that our toddler was carrying around earlier this week, we did NOT go in every room 3 times each, we did NOT open EVERY drawer in EVERY room a million times, we did NOT even go through the trash to look for these wipes. I did NOT find them the next day in the clothes basket underneath all the clean clothes AFTER I went out and bought another box. I always know where my toddler puts things. I would never get frustrated that I looked in that clothes basket at least 3 times and didn't see them. No, not me!

I did NOT leave my 5 year old and sleeping 1 year old locked in the car, while it was still running so my 5 year old's movie wouldn't turn off, in a parking lot while I went to use the restroom on my way to NC for the weekend. I would NEVER leave my children in the car alone, and I did NOT think of all the bad scenarios of what could happen. I DID check around the area before leaving said children in car. (I will say that was the FASTEST I have EVER used the bathroom) My boys were both safe and my sleeping 1 year old did NOT wake up..thank goodness! (FYI: I WILL NEVER do this again.)

That was my week...how was yours?

I'm In A Funk

2009-03-18T12:32:00.009-04:00

I can't believe it's been over a week since I have blogged. I had to make a change in priorities in my life so blogging got pushed aside for a little while. But now I'm back and I'm not sure where to begin. There are so many things going on in our life right now...I will try to update the best I can.

1. Ed and I have started praying together every night before bed. We started this last Monday night and I can honestly say, it has brought us closer together. Things have been so hectic in our life since 2009 started, that we felt that our priorities were ALL messed up. What is most important is our relationship with Christ, our relationship with each other, and then our boys. NOTHING should be coming in front of those things. For those couples out there reading this...I HIGHLY recommend praying together before you go to bed. It's a GREAT way to recap the happenings of the day with each other and for me personally, listening to the man of my dreams pray to our Heavenly Father, brings tears to my eyes. I fall in love with him all over again. I challenge you...make this a priority...no excuses...no matter what time! Right baby?! ;)

2. Ed and I have started specifically praying for a "desire of my heart" concerning my work situation. God has blessed us by giving me a full time job outside of the home. And due to Ed not bringing in any income at the moment, this job is the only source of income that we have. Ed is "volunteering" at ISF until if/when ISF gets funded, which would give Ed a full time paycheck. When he goes into the ISF office to work, he takes Silas with him while he is working because we can't afford child care at this time. So, on to the "desire of my heart".... I LONG to be home with Silas. I was able to stay "home" with Timmy in Texas..albeit, I was working at home as an RD, but the majority of my time was in the home. So, after 5 years, it has killed me to go back to work outside of the home. I feel like I am missing out on so much with Silas. I get to see him for about 3 1/2 hours Monday through Friday. I get to wake him up and feed him breakfast, and then feed him supper and put him to bed. I live for weekends right now when I get to spend time with the boys. I have SO many ideas of what I would do if I was home with Silas. So, many outings and time to read books and just get in the floor and play. In order for this "desire" to come to pass, Ed needs to bring in a paycheck that would cover our expenses/bills, etc. Until that happens, I will happily work at my job hoping and praying for the day that I get to be home. I am also currently taking online courses from Penn Foster College to get certified in Medical Transcription. My hope is that when I complete these courses, that I will be able to work from home even if Ed doesn't have a paycheck yet. Here's to praying and waiting on God's answer.

3. Now to the reason my blog is entitled "I'm In A Funk"...you see...here lately, I have had the HARDEST time getting motivated to lose weight/eat healthy/exercise. I have been wanting to get healthy for a while. Since I have moved to Georgia, I have lost about 15 pounds, and when January 1, 2009 hit..I was SO motivated to lose weight that I really felt like this would be the time for the "change". Well...shortly after, 5 days to be exact, I found out I was pregnant and didn't feel like I could really lose weight hardcore like I wanted to. My OB even said she just wanted me to maintain my weight throughout my pregnancy. I got so excited about being pregnant...looking forward to my belly getting larger because a baby was inside, not because of more fat. I couldn't wait to shop for maternity clothes because I had sold everything before we moved to GA, so I was looking forward to a new wardrobe. Then...the miscarriage happened and my motivation feels wiped out from underneath me. I REALLY want to get healthy and get into those summer clothes that are in the box labeled "Wish" for "wish I could wear these", but no one can "make" me do it...I have to get myself up off the couch and workout, eat right, be happy with who I am. I LOVE watching Biggest Loser every Tuesday night...and I wish I could have a trainer like Bob and Jillian to whip me into shape. But apparently those "trainers" cost A LOOOT of money...and extra money is not something we have right now. I am praying that God will help me get healthy and start today...not wait until Monday like I always tell myself....I need to start today. So, here's to getting out of my funk. Maybe I can use my blog as a way to hold myself accountable to get healthy so that my wish box can be empty by summer.

4. Family - I get to go home to NC for the first time since Christmas and I CAN'T WAIT! My little sis and her hubby just bought a house in NC near my parents!!! How cool is that....last year this time...she was living in Germany and this year she has a house for the FIRST time! I think I might just cry when I see it. We are throwing her a housewarming party Friday night and Saturday afternoon, so it's off to NC for the weekend.

5. Texas - I am a little jealous right now because my hubby is leaving early in the morning to go to Texas to visit family and friends. I can't BELIEVE he's going without me!! I miss my Texas family soooo much! But honestly speaking, I am actually thrilled he gets to go down to Texas...he NEEDS this time with his brothers in Christ...I am praying that this trip is spiritually refreshing for him and he comes back renewed and ready to meet the daily demands of our life in GA. And Ed...you BETTER come back to us! :)

I am hoping that I can manage my time better to be able to blog on a more regular basis, but this is not one of my top priorities...so we shall see how it goes.

Until next time...

Not Me Monday

2009-03-09T11:21:00.004-04:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

While away on a business trip for 4 days, I did NOT send a "text message only for my hubby's eyes" to a young lady that I met only 24 hours earlier on said business trip and I did NOT realize my mistake while said young lady was sitting RIGHT NEXT TO ME. I always check to make sure I am sending text messages to the correct person and I would NEVER send a text message to the wrong person.

While traveling to and from the business trip, I did NOT plug in the portable DVD player and "listen" to the entire season 4 of One Tree Hill. I would never subject myself to almost running off the road while switching DVDs in the player.

I did NOT feel a desire to coach cheerleading again after judging for 3 days at the CCA National Christian Cheerleading Championships. I would NOT subject myself to hours and hours of practices, meetings, time away from my family again after being on a hiatus for 2 years. That would be ridiculous to think about that time commitment again.

I did NOT get disappointed upon my arrival at home late Saturday night to realize that my precious boys were already asleep. I mean, who would have thought that my darling husband would have put the boys to bed at regular bedtime at 7:30pm instead of letting them wait up for me to get home at 11:00pm. I did NOT go into each of their rooms and lay hands on their little heads and say a prayer for them and kiss their precious cheeks.

So, that was my week...how was yours?

Getting To Know You

2009-03-02T11:55:00.001-05:00

I am participating in a blogging "Getting To Know You". Go on over and join. It looks to be a LOT of fun!

Not Me Monday

2009-03-02T11:19:00.004-05:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

It's that time again. I didn't post a Not Me Monday last week because I was kid-free for a week and didn't do much of anything. But this week routine as usual, so here goes.

When driving our family to the mall this weekend, I most certainly did NOT merge right when the sign side "Lane Ends Merge Left". I always know my right from left and would have NEVER allowed this opportunity for my DH to make fun of me for hours about this.

I did NOT wait until Saturday to unpack my little ones suitcase from their week long visit at Nana and Papa's house over a week ago. I am always on top of things and I never put off unpacking for that long.

I did NOT allow my 22 month old to walk in the mall instead of carrying him towards the door and said little one did NOT fall down and possibly break his wrist. I did NOT have to take him to the ER on Friday night. This did not happen and I do NOT have a picture to prove it.

After coming home from the ER early Saturday morning, I was NOT awakened by my 5 year old with a tummy ache. I did NOT send him to his daddy in our bedroom (Note: I was sleeping on the couch so I could hear my 22 mth old cry in his sleep from having to sleep with a splint on) so that DH would have to take care of him throwing up in the bathroom. I would NEVER push my sick son off on my husband to take care of. I always get up with my sickly boys.

So, here's my Not Me Monday post that this is just from the past 3 days. How's your week been!?!!

What Really Matters

2009-02-25T15:30:00.018-05:00

Ponder that phrase for a moment..."What Really Matters". When you think about your life...your everyday life...how do you answer that question? I am not really looking for a spiritual, philosophical answer. I want you to look at your heart and ask yourself...What Really Matters? Is it your job, your house, your computer (ie Internet), your wife, your kids, your family, your friends....what is it?

I will tell you what really matters to me...my 2 precious boys. I have discovered that in my life I have taken for granted the children that God gave me. I'm talking about the little things...they are healthy, they are walking, they are talking (well, Timmy is...Silas still grunts), they have the ability to play, they have the ability to show emotion, they don't fully understand the BIG picture of the state of our world...they are innocent in that realm. They rely on me and Ed for absolutely EVERYTHING in their life. Without us to care for them...where would they be. Just like Christ sustains us...PARENTS SUSTAIN CHILDREN. And how many times do we really stop and appreciate our children. Not just writing it on a blog or facebook note, but getting down to their level, looking them in the eye and expressing to them our love for them or how proud we are of them. How about getting on the floor and playing games with them...spending QUALITY time with them. (And I want to insert here that "Quality Time" is NOT being in the same room with them while you watch a TV show or surf the net) I'm talking about spending time with them that will make an investment in their life. I am on this soapbox because God has REALLY been working on my heart in this area. I have been SO guilty of all of the things I just listed...I have asked God to nudge me when I place a TV show in front of my boys. And believe me...when you ask God for a nudge...HE sometimes gives you a push! I notice that when I pay more attention to my boys, and when I speak to them in love and not in anger...there attitude changes, their behavior changes. It's been amazing to watch.

There is a 2nd reason why I bring up this topic and that is because there are several, maybe even thousands of families that are RIGHT now sitting in NICUs or PICUs or hospitals and even at some homes waiting, longing, yearning for their children to be healthy, to walk, to talk, to show emotion, all those things I listed previously. These parents are wearing WAY different shoes than I am...and I am SO guilty of complaining about the whining or the impatience of my children or the behaviors they are exhibiting...but you know what...if our children are healthy...there shouldn't be a DAY that goes by that you are not loving on your kids every moment you get. I have been praying for several of these families lately, and I want to take the time to share with you my blogging friends about these families that have impacted my walk with Christ in a way they don't even know.

Angie Smith found out at her 20 week ultrasound in January of 2008 that her baby girl had several health issues that were lethal. The doctors told her because of her conditions, she probably wouldn't live outside the womb. She ended up giving birth to Audrey Caroline Smith on April 7, 2008. She only lived for 2 hours and 15 minutes outside of her womb. She is now in Heaven with Jesus. I challenge you to read Audrey's story from the beginning. (There is a button on the right hand side that says, "Welcome") I will forewarn you...you will cry, sob and sob some more. But Audrey's Story will CHANGE YOUR LIFE. And when it does, start covering this family in prayer.

Kayleigh Anne Freeman is a beautiful baby girl who was born weighing at 1 pound. She has went through operations where she broke the record for being the tiniest baby to live through it...she has almost died 2 or 3 times, but God is doing MIRACULOUS things in this baby's life. Please start from the beginning and fall in love with Kayleigh like I have, and start praying for her and her family everyday.

Through Angie Smith's blog, I came upon MckMama's blog when she was pregnant with Baby Stellan. Baby Stellan had heart issues in the womb and the doctors told MckMama and Prince Charming that there baby would not live outside the womb. Well, when Baby Stellan was born FULL TERM, the doctors could find NOTHING wrong with his heart. God had HEALED this baby boy's heart defect. Through this family, my faith in God was strengthened to be able to truly believe that prayer is a powerful instrument that we as believers have. MckMama has MSC (many small children) and she is an absolute BLAST to read about. Check out this miracle...it will amaze you.

There are a couple of more families that I follow on a daily basis that God has done AMAZING things in their life, but this blog would be 3 times as long, so I will leave you with one blog that has made me HUG and LOVE and KISS my boys EVERYDAY. And partly the reason I wrote this blog to begin with...

Meet Cora Paige.

Cora Paige McClenehan was 10 months old when her parents took her in for a doctor visit because she was suffering from her 3rd ear infection. The doctor wanted to do some tests because her stomach seemed tight. When the doctor returned to the room, he had tears in his eyes...based on the test results, it looked like Cora had cancer.
Cancer...can you imagine what they went through as they allowed these words to soak in...their 10mth old baby girl had CANCER. That was on January 22, 2009...she did have cancer and immediately had surgery to remove the tumor near her kidneys. However, on Sunday, February 8, 2009, Cora Paige was healed of her cancer when she went to be with the Lord.

I found out about Cora through another blogger friend about the same time I was going through my miscarriage. I was mourning the loss of my baby that I had never held in my arms, yet my arms felt so empty. Yet, these parents held their baby for 10 months in their arms, and now there arms were empty. It helped me accept my miscarriage as a part of God's plan for my life. HE could have easily chosen ME to carry the grief that the Macs are carrying, but HE chose for me to not hold my baby. I have felt more carried by Jesus these past 4 weeks than I have in a long time. And you know what...HE still hasn't put me down. I am still in HIS arms.

8 Years With My Prince

2009-02-24T09:59:00.004-05:00

Today is my 8th Wedding Anniversary, and in HONOR of my Prince, I decided to dedicate this blog to HIM... I love you Edward Jeremiah Lockwood, Jr.

Dearest Ed,

Words can not adequately describe the love I have for you today. When I look back on the last 8 years that God has given us, I am amazed at everything that we have went through, where we are today, and what we HAVE today.

I will always remember April 27, 2000 when our emails crossed in cyberspace, and I opened up and read your email and said these words, "I am going to marry this man!" The peace that was IMMEDIATE from the Lord was amazing. I'm from a country town, and not many people understood how I could "trust" that you were who you said you were, but when we started talking on the phone for hours and hours at a time, I fell madly in love with your heart. See, our relationship was different in that there wasn't ANY physical connection between us. You were in Texas and I was in North Carolina...the long distance kept us from that...but through our conversations, I came to know the man God had made for ME! All growing up I had prayed and prayed for "THE ONE" that God made for me....and to think after all these years, GOD saved the BEST for last! My precious High School cheerleading coach, Rose, engrained a phrase in our minds always..."God gives the BEST, to those who leave the CHOICE with Him" And baby....you are the best! When I met you, I couldn't believe that you were MINE!

Did God really know that much about me to make a perfect man for ME! A man who loves me unconditionally no matter how much I don't love myself. A man who cries with me when we lose our 2nd baby by miscarriage. A man who holds me and gives me strength that I am sure HE didn't even know he had. A man who understands when I need to grieve on my own and when I need to be held. A man who loves God with all his heart, all his soul, and all his mind. A man who moved his family to a new state to pursue a passion that God placed in his heart. A man who listens when God says, "Go Now!" A man who has such FAITH that God is going to provide our EVERY need and carries his family to the cross. A man who is my protector and defender. I am NEVER afraid when I am with you...cause NO-ONE is gonnna mess with you :) A man who is an amazing father to our boys. A man who has a passion for the lost and for missions. A man who understands EVERY quirk I have. A man who thinks I am God's most BEAUTIFUL creation, even when I can't stand to look at a mirror. A man who cares more about me and my needs more than he cares about himself. A man who is my very best friend!

I could go on and on and on, but I will close with this...Ed, I can NOT wait to see what God has in store for us this year! We have had a long, hard road these past 5 months, but GOD has made us stronger because of it. Keep purusing that passion in your heart for HIM! I love you baby!

Always and Forever,

Your Wife

"D" - The Letter Game

2009-02-17T09:30:00.017-05:00

One of my Head RAs from UMHB, BD, was tagged by one of her friends with the Letter Game. I have been looking for things to brighten up my blog, so I told her I would love to play. She gave me the letter, "D".

If you want to play, leave a comment on this post letting me know, and I'll assign you a letter. You post 10 things you love that begin with your assigned letter. When people comment on your list, you give them a letter, and the chain continues on.

1. Daddy (My daddy is my HERO! He and my mom have done more for me since I moved to GA than any other time in my life. I pray blessings on their life for how they have blessed me)

2. Dark Chocolate (I am now addicted to this lovely chocolate bar)

Courtesy of Hersheys
3. Donna Plank (She is my FAVORITE boss that I have EVER had! I will NEVER forget her! My journey at UMHB would have never been the same without her.)

Courtesy of Facebook
4. Dunkin Donuts (Enough said)

Courtesy of Dunkin Donuts
5. Dr. Pepper (My favorite drink ever)

Courtesy of Dr. Pepper
6. Diamonds are a girls best friend!

Courtesy of Yahoo
7. Drills (Fire - I thought I was finished with Fire Drills once I left UMHB...but this morning at Life University...my entire office building had to evacuate this morning in the 30 degree weather for a fire drill. Oh, memories of UMHB)

Courtesy of Yahoo
8. Dishes (I love my dishes. These were the dishes we got when we were married almost 8 years ago. It's so easy to match the colors with any kitchen)

Courtesy of Pflatzgraff
9. Dinner (My DH cooks me dinner almost EVERY night! I absolutely LOVE being pampered this way!)

Courtesy of Yahoo
10. Dirty Knees (This represents a precious baby I have been praying for)

So...who's next...just let me know.

Not Me Monday

2009-02-16T10:56:00.002-05:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

In a rush to get the house cleaned before company came over, I did NOT feed my 1 year old cheetos cheese balls and pudding for supper. I always feed him a balanced meal for supper.

When shopping in Target with my little ones, I did NOT spill a large cup of popcorn on the floor and walk away. I always tell the lovely Target employees about messes my LO make. I then felt guilty, so when my 1 yr old spilled his chocolate milk on the floor in Target, I DID inform a Target employee to clean up spill on aisle 4.

I have NOT had a lot going in my life this past week, and I did NOT forget to give my 2 boys a bath. I always remember the last time they had baths.

My husband and I are NOT having the most amazing time without our LO. They are most certainly NOT spending a week with Nana and Papa in NC. We are most certainly NOT having the time of our lives feeling like Newlyweds again. (Note: WE absolutely LOVE and ADORE our children, but after our m/c, we needed this time as a couple to reconnect. Thanks Mom and Dad!)

After leaving the Mall of Georgia on Saturday night, I most certainly did NOT pull over in a Rest Area and ask DH who was following behind me if I was going the right direction on Interstate 85. I always know the direction of my home.

This was my FIRST Not Me Monday post...it was a lot of fun....I hope to continue to do this every Monday. It's very therapeutic.

Emptiness Inside

2009-02-13T09:25:00.003-05:00

Thursday was a hard day for me. It's hard to explain, but I am going to try. Since the miscarriage, I have really felt God in a mighty way in my life. I have felt HIS presence. I have felt HIS strength. I have been amazed at how GOOD GOD is in my life. But yesterday...I felt empty inside. Not an empty like somehow I needed to be "filled up", but an emptiness inside of longing to hold my baby. My arms felt empty. Even though I was only 8 weeks pregnant, I was never able to hold my baby, there was still an emptiness that I felt. At one point, I texted Ed and asked him to give Silas a hug and kiss from his Mommy and to tell Silas that I loved him very much. Silas and Timmy have been so good for me during this time. I love that God has already given me two babies to hold here on Earth. They are truly GIFTS from God that HE blessed me with.

As Thursday progressed, I felt myself feeling more and more sad about the m/c. I haven't shared with my co-workers at my office about the m/c, so I have to try extra hard to be strong at work. So, I internalize things really well. But then, I have to get it out. So, last night when I was going to bed, I just started talking to God and asking him to remove the emptiness I feel inside and replace it with a feeling of being held by Him. Don't get me wrong, I KNOW HE has been holding me...actually carrying me through this, but I needed HIM to take away the emptiness so that my arms would not feel empty. I woke up this morning with a cute little 5 year old staring me in the face wanting to decorate the cupcakes we baked last night. It was 5:45am, and he was bright eyed and bushy tailed. So, I got up, and got the icing and the red sprinkles set up for us to decorate. It was EXACTLY what I needed...even though I wasn't sitting there holding Timmy in my arms, I could feel the emptiness in my heart fill up to overflowing...just by being with Timmy and sharing in this special time with him.

Saturday, the boys are going to go to Nana and Papa's house for a week visit. This will be the 1st time that we have been able to do this EVER. Now that we are only 5 1/2 hours away from my parents, we can actually meet halfway and make this happen. Timmy is REALLY excited about it, and Silas has no clue. I am looking foward to this time because Ed and I really need to this time as a couple to reconnect. If you have never gone through a m/c, then you won't know how important it is for you and your husband to remain strong TOGETHER through this trial. Ed and I haven't been childless for more than a weekend since before Timmy was born. We are DEFINITELY looking forward to this time together.

In closing, I want to say THANK YOU to EVERYONE who has prayed for me, Ed and the boys during this season in our life. The move to Atlanta, Ed's job situation, our finance situation, and now the miscarriage. WE know that without God we would not be where we are right now. God has shown HIMSELF to us in ways we can't even describe sometimes. Sometimes we just look at each other and all we can say is Wow...that was a God moment! We pray blessings upon blessings on each and EVERY ONE of you who have uttered a prayer for us. May God RICHLY blessing you beyond all you can imagine for the way YOU have blessed us.

To My Angel Baby

2009-02-05T00:12:00.003-05:00

It's February 5th, and you're in Heaven now. I will never forget January 21, 2009 when I got to see your tiny heartbeat on the ultrasound. You were SO tiny- almost too tiny for 7 weeks. You only measured 5 weeks, but your heart was beating strong at 112 BPM. The U/S tech said that was good for being so small. She printed a picture of you and sent me on my way with words of assurance that my cycle must be off. Your due date was changed from 9/7/09 to 9/17/09 - 10 days later, but that was ok, because that's your cousin Emily's birthday.

I came home and showed Daddy your picture. He couldn't believe how tiny you were either. But I told him I saw your tiny little heart beating so I felt re-assured. I had all the normal pregnancy symptons, but the morning sickness was the worse. A couple of days later, I started spotting. I immediately pulled out the pregnancy books, and got on the baby forums to see if this was normal. Everywhere I looked, said that spotting in the first trimester was normal as long as it wasn't accompanied by cramping. I wasn't cramping so I assured myself I was ok. I didn't share this info with anyone. It was if I didn't speak it, then it would go away.

One night I sat on Daddy's lap in tears because I felt like something could be wrong with you since you were so small...like maybe my 1st due date was correct and you just weren't growing. But then we talked some more and we held on to the fact that I saw your tiny little heartbeat.

A couple of days later (Thursday), I came home from work and noticed that my spotting had been increasing. It had been about a week since I started spotting and I thought it would just go away. I decided to tell Daddy, because it seemed time to fill him in on what was going on. He got a little concerned, but I told him that I had read that spotting is normal during the first trimester and I wasn't cramping. So, we both went out to different events for the night. After I got your big brothers into bed, I started getting nervous about the increase. In my gut, I felt like something was wrong. I called the midwife on call, and she said if I wanted reassurance that everything was ok, I could go into the ER that night and they would do an u/s to check on you or just wait until Friday and come into the office. I called your daddy and told him I felt we needed to go to the ER.

The whole way to the hospital, I kept telling myself, "This is normal. I'm not even cramping." I was not expecting to hear the words the ER doc told us several hours later.

We had an u/s to check on you, but the policy at the ER was that me and Daddy couldn't watch. They only want the Dr to inform us of the results. I can't tell you how bad it killed me that I couldn't see you. The u/s tech said nothing...I kept watching her face for a smile, a pleasant reaction, but there was none...just a stonecold face that looked grim. We went back to our ER bed area and waited, and waited and waited for the Dr to give us the results. The waiting was the worse part of the whole experience. Your daddy looked at me with such love on his face and said, "Whatever the outcome, we will praise God." I agreed, but still secretly expected to hear good news.

After what seemed like 2 hours, the Dr finally approached us and said these words, "I'm so sorry, but we couldn't find a heartbeat." I was in denial. I didn't want to believe him...I wanted to see for myself...I wanted to see if that tiny heart that I saw beating just 1 week earlier wasn't beating anymore. As your daddy and I left the hospital, we were devastated. We had to go back to my OB dr on Friday to confirm the results of the ER u/s. And inside, until I saw for myself, I kept holding on to the fact that they were wrong...you were ok. We cried and prayed all the way home that you would be ok.

On Friday, we had an appointment at 12:45 to have an u/s. Up until I laid down on that table for the u/s, a part of me still believed you would be ok. But when the tech started the u/s, I looked over and I saw you. You were bigger than you were a week ago, but you were not moving. Your little heart was still. She had me hold my breath to make sure it wasn't your heart that she heard, but I knew as soon as I saw you...you were gone.....

Oh, little one...I so wanted to bring you into this world. Even as small as you were, as unexpected as you were...you were SO loved by your mommy and daddy. Your big brother Timmy prayed for you every night that God would grow you big and strong. But God had other plans for you angel baby. We don't understand why God chose to take you from this world...and baby, the emptiness I feel for you is still so real and it hurts so much. But as you already know...our God is our Strength. He is carrying us through this heartache. I love the footprints poem because that is what God is doing for us. There aren't 2 sets of footprints in the sand, there is only one now because God is carrying us.

I love you angel baby. You will never be forgotten! I long for the day when I get to see your sweet face in Heaven.

Your Mommy

God is Good!

2009-01-23T11:32:00.003-05:00

I just had to come back and report today about the "Goodness of God"! Ed and I have been visiting different churches every week to find the church where we feel God wants us to be. After several weeks of searching, we have finally found a church we are going to visit for the 2nd time. We had already decided this when we left on last Sunday morning because we just "felt" the presence of the Holy Spirit in the midst and the preaching reminded us of our pastor "back home" - Pastor Mark. This pastor really preached/taught us from the word. At the end of the service, he came back and gave us some extremely profound words concerning the inauguration on Tuesday. This sealed the deal so to speak. Anyway, I say all of this to give you background on what happened yesterday. When Ed checked the mail, inside was a small thank you card from this church, Cedarcrest, and inside was a gas card for $5.00. The note said something like this, "Thank you for attending Cedarcrest. We hope that this $5.00 gas card will help you in returning to visit with us again." Not word for word, but something to that affect. Anyway...yesterday, we were on 1/4 of a tank of gas with $0 dollars to our name. When Ed showed me that card and the gas card, I started praising the Lord! I know it was only $5.00, but HALLELUJAH - GOD IS GOOD! Then, Ed told me that Cheryl (ISF Pres.) had given him a bag of change that was donated to ISF by some sweet ladies. She didn't know how much was in there, but it looked like quite a bit of change, and there were a couple of dollar bills in there also. Well, when Ed opened up the bag to take it into Kroger to get it "changed" there were larger bills underneath the 1s that equaled about $20...THEN, the actual change was about $30!!!!!!!!!! We went from having $0 to $5.00 gas card to $50 dollars total!!!!

Isn't God so GOOD! Just wanted to share how God is providing for our family!

HE IS FAITHFUL!!!!!

4 months? Feels like it's been a YEAR!

2009-01-22T14:04:00.003-05:00

My life has been a whirlwind since we moved to Georgia in September. There have been MAJOR highs and EXTREME lows...but through it all GOD has been in control. My most recent HIGH has been at an EXTREME low in our life. The HIGH news hasn't really HIT me yet if you know what I mean.

THE HIGH:

On January 9th, Ed and I found out that we are expecting Baby #3! We were definitely shocked, suprised, scared...all the things that come with finding out this news. We actually discovered on New Years that I was late, but didn't take a test until the 9th....we kept walking around like...if we don't SEE the positive test, then maybe it isn't so. Finally...I couldn't handle the not knowing...I was tired of having discussions about "if Im pregnant" then we will have to do this or that. So, I broke down and took a test. I was a little apprehensive to call family and friends because I knew that my family knew about our EXTREME low...I was afraid they wouldn't understand. I will say this however, Ed and I were not "planning" on this baby...meaning...I wasn't sitting at home each month counting down the days to ovulation. In September of 2007, Ed and I felt the Lord asking us to trust HIM fully and completely with our lives and this specifically included Birth Control. We felt the Lord was saying, "Trust me...I won't give you anything you can't handle. If you let me be in control, I will take care of you". So, I haven't been on any form of Birth Control since 09/07...so needless to say, it could have happenend at any time in these past months. But having it happen now, when we are experiencing an EXTREME low in our life is ONLY GOD!

LOW:

Let me give you a little background before I get into the "LOW". In Summer of 2007, Ed started feeling that God may be leading him to work for a non-profit organization called ISF (International Sports Federation). He had already spent 2 weeks in China with them in 2005, so he knew what they were about. ISF was based in the Atlanta area, and being that we lived in Texas, we didn't see how this could happen without a move. So, we started covering this in prayer. Time goes by...we give our lives to the complete trust of God in September, Ed goes to Kenya over Christmas with ISF to give Christmas to an orphanage, gets attacked in the political unrest after the elections, escapes Kenya with the rest of ISF team, comes back a different man (in an amazingly awesome way), while he was in Kenya, I felt the Lord calling us BOTH to ISF, in March of 08 we came to Atlanta to visit my BFF from college and met with executives of ISF and told them about the passion we felt in our hearts for this organization. They told us, we have a HUGE need for helpers, but unfortunately we can't offer you a salary at this time. We go back to Texas after spring break and really start covering this in prayer like never before. In May of 2008, we are both sitting on 2 separate couches praying during our "wall" time and we both have such a strong peace about God saying, "Go...Now" It was a scary decision from a "human" standpoint because we both had NO jobs and NO idea where we were going to live..just had to trust. Fast foward to September 1st...we head out to GA with our van and PENSKE truck packed full of our possessions (what was left that didn't sell) and start on this adventure of trusting God with our life.

So...now to the LOW...as you can read from my past posts...we have had many trials since we have arrived in GA as well as many amazing GOD moments. In December, after Timmy finished his 1st semester of Kindergarten, we moved to Acworth (we were living with my BFF in Newnan which is about 1hr from ISF) so Ed could be closer to the office. After living with my BFF for 4 months, it was SOOO nice to have a place to call our own. It was like Christmas unpacking those boxes! :) I have a job as an Admin Assistant at a local university in Marietta (about 15 miles from my house), but with my income...it isn't enough for us to live on. We barely make ends meet after rent, bills, car payment, car insurance, food and gas since we moved to Acworth. Ed really needs a paying job so that we can make it through the weeks where my paycheck goes to rent and there is no money for food/gas. He has applied at so many places...just like everyone else...and has found nothing. His HEART wants to be able to give the time to ISF and not another company because GOD moved us here for ISF...not so Ed could work for Quick Trip gas station.

So, now here we sit...Ed not having a paying job, my income barely covers expenses, and we have a 3rd baby on the way! Some people may throw up their hands and say, "I QUIT"...but not us...you know why.... way back in September of 2007 we GAVE OUR LIFE COMPLETELY TO GOD. We are trusting HIM with our life. We don't know how we are going to buy food and gas for the next 2 weeks, but we have the most indescribable PEACE that everything is going to be ok. We have exhausted all of our resources in family for financial help...we sent out support letters...got no response from anyone...which lead us to believe...we are just supposed to sit here and TRUST and WAIT ON THE LORD. Ed is putting time in at ISF while we "wait" on the Lord. I can NOT begin to tell you how much JOY is in Ed's life right now. He has his very own office space and he has his very own email address, he has "assignments" he has to work on, he is DOING what God CALLED him to do. I LOVE that!!!!

So, if you feel inclined to send a few prayers up for our family. We would be eternally grateful! I can't wait to report back on what God has done in our life!

May God bless all of my faithful followers!

Twas The Night Before Christmas

2008-12-11T09:00:00.003-05:00

WOW...2 posts in 1 week, I am getting better. I just finished filling out one of those "Get to Know you Better - Christmas Version" (Thanks Bethany) thingys and it made me think of something that happened the other night.

We usually read out of a Bible storybook that Nana got him before he goes to bed, and pray together and off to sleep he goes. Well, after we moved into our new apartment before Thanksgiving, we had to move back in with my BFF until Timmy finished his semester of school, so the book got left up in Acworth. Well, Timmy still wanted a story, so the first night Daddy told him the Christmas story about Baby Jesus born in a manger, and the shepherds, etc.

The next couple of nights, we just read regular books, but one night last weekend, I put him in the bed without reading him a book, and he quickly reminded me. "I need a story" So, I decided to tell him "Twas the Night Before Christmas". I had quoted this story in High School for a Christmas play, so I thought, Sure, I remember it and off I started. This is how it went...

Twas the Night Before Christmas, and ALL through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse (I emphasized these lines so Timmy's eyes got big as bugs and he is hanging on EVERY word - it was so cute)
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
In hopes that Saint Nicholas soon would be there
And Mom in her kerchief and I in my hat
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap
And then...I started drawing a blank...oops...Timmy is STILL looking at me with those precious BUG eyes...and I am struggling here...so I continue with what I think is correct and then add some...here goes.

When out on the lawn, there arose such a clatter
I sprang to my feet to see what was the matter
I threw open the shutters and flew up the sash (as I said that line I was like...that ain't right - but Timmy had no clue...so I kept going)
And what do my wondering eyes should appear but
Santa's sleigh and 8 tiny reindeer.

NOTE: I could NOT remember what was next...I paused...I paused...Timmy said, what happened next. So, I ad libbed the rest of the story...here is how Timmy thinks this story ends.

Santa grabbed his bag full of toys, and flew down the chimney
He had a truck for Tommy and a doll for Suzie
And after eating the cookies and drinking the milk,
He went back up the chimney to his sleigh and reindeers.
And as he flew off the roof you could hear him say,
"Merry Christmas to all and to all a Goodnight"
So, that was the end, and when I said that last line. Timmy reached up and hugged me and said, "Mommy, that was a great Christmas story." His precious little self didn't even know that it was not the complete story. I hope that one day when I read the "REAL" Twas the Night Before Christmas story to him, that he doesn't realize I told him the wrong one before.

The next night he wanted "Frosty the Snowman" - I won't EVEN tell you how that one went. Kids...they believe anything!

The Butterfly Award

2008-12-09T08:15:00.005-05:00

I was given the Butterfly Award for my blog from one of my precious friends Coach Mom Says. I have chosen some of the blogs I follow to receive this award also. Here they are.

1. Coach Mom Says
2. SoonToBeMeltons
3. Chapters
4. His-beloved
5. Skinner Family Adventures

Now they need to "pass it on"

Have a blessed Tuesday!

Tis the Season

2008-12-05T08:40:00.001-05:00

I have been meaning to post a new blog entry for a while, but I just haven't seemed to find the words to get out what I have wanted to say. So, if this seems all jumbled, forgive me. Here goes...

My facebook status currently states: "Elizabeth is wondering why this "Season of Giving" is only for Christmas...what happens to those people in February, even June - why not have a year long "season of giving"." If you have read any of my recent blogs, you know that Ed and I have been relying on God for daily sustenance for spiritual food and regular food. So, I have a taste of what it's like to be in need. Anyway, I listen to the radio on the way to work, and they are talking about Angel Tree, and Operation Christmas Child, and it got me thinking about my status. Why do we spend so much time and money making sure that these "needy" people's needs are met during the Christmas season. Why not have a year round season of giving?!?! Sometimes I think we as Christians feel that if we give to the poor and needy at Christmas, that it gives us our "quota" so to speak for the year. But I am here to testify that without those Christians helping us in September, October and November...where would we be right now. When is the last time that you gave selflessly of your time, your money, YOU, without expecting ANYTHING in return. I finished reading a book entitled "Field of the Fatherless" loaned to us by Sara Beth from ISF. (Ed and I have been praying about adoption for our future and Sara Beth recommended reading this book). Let me just tell you, this book changed my outlook on LIFE! In the Bible it says: “Blessed be God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted by God.” (2Cor 1:3-4) What He has done for us is what He requires that we do for others. There isn't a single person out there that can tell me that GOD hasn't "comforted" you in your tribulation. Even when Ed and I felt at our lowest point these past couple of months...God was STILL there in that valley and HE was still in control. As I said, I have a new outlook on life. I want my heart, soul, spirit, countenance to REFLECT the Lord Jesus Christ! I want people to look at me and see something different. I want them to see my precious Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ who came to this earth to die for ME. For my sins. I deserve Hell...but HE SAVED ME! That in and of itself should be enough to make you jump for joy...we have the awesome privilege of spending eternity with the King of Kings!!! AMAZING!!!

I want to challenge each and everyone of you to do something... are you ready.... here it is....

When you do anything...think of others.

Sounds easy doesn't it. It wasn't easy for me at first, but now it's becoming what I do. For example...Road Rage...yep, I used to have Road Rage. I got SO frustrated when people would ride my bumper and then swoop over to a different lane at the last minute. I would get so mad when people would drive slow in the fast lane. I would get frustrated when people wouldn't let me over when I had my turn signal on or wouldn't let me turn left out of a street. But I heard a song on the radio by Brandon Heath called "Give Me Your Eyes". Let me just tell you...you won't have Road Rage for long listening to that song. The chorus goes like this:

Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me your heart for the ones forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see

How many times have we looked at someone the way JESUS looks at someone. With the same compassion that HE does. So, I started changing my heart...I started changing my mind...I started making a conscious effort to think of others...I started looking at all of those drivers in those cars in Atlanta, GA with the eyes of Jesus. So, when I am sitting in traffic at the end of a work day, and I go 6 miles in 30 minutes...I let people in front of me....I hold up traffic on a busy two lane road to allow someone needing to turn left to turn left...I don't get angry at the driver who practically takes my bumper off when he swoops over to a new lane...I just smile and keep driving. And this is just in driving....when I go through the drive thru at McDonalds to get that morning cup of Joe...I smile at the cashiers and say, "Have a great day"...who knows...maybe they needed that...maybe they had a rude customer earlier that ruined their day. You never know who you are going to bless by seeing like Jesus, loving like Jesus, and living FOR Jesus.

I am not saying all of this to toot my own horn. I am not saying that I am by any means perfect (because my husband and kids can tell you I'm not). I am just challenging you to do something in your life to make a difference in someone else's life, that will ultimately change yours and give you the HEART of Jesus!

Because you never know....you may be the one that needs to turn left one day!

When It Rains

2008-11-18T10:08:00.001-05:00

Yesterday felt like 4 days long, but it was only 24 hours. Here's the rundown of my day...

Ed wakes me up at 5:10am and tells me Timmy is throwing up and he doesn't have his contacts in so he can't see if it's blood. My first thought is..."Oh no, it's the color of blood" - I then go into the bathroom to see my precious baby boy standing over the toilet throwing up non-stop. I go over and start rubbing his back and look to see if it's blood. It's not, it's the remnants of supper the night before, pancakes and syrup. He finishes and asks for some water, then goes back to bed. I normally get up for work at 5:30am, so I decided to stay up and start getting ready. Well, as I was getting ready, he throws up again, and again. We decided to put him in the bed with Ed so he doesn't have to go so far to get to the bathroom.

Around 6:45, I leave for work. Where we are living right now in Newnan is about 45 miles to work. I don't have to be there untili 8am, but with Atlanta traffic, it sometimes takes me over an hour. I head out on 85North and about 15 miles into the trip, my car makes this sound like it dropped something on the highway, and then won't go when I push the gas. By God's grace, I was right next to an exit, so I merge onto the exit ramp, and have to stop at the traffic light because of traffic. Well, as soon as I stop moving, the car won't move again. So, here I am on the exit ramp, with 15 or so cars behind me, and I can't get the car to move. I knew that we had roadside assistance with our Sprint Cell Phone plan, but I wasn't sure how to use it, so I needed to call Ed. I also knew that his cell phone is plugged into the outlet in the bonus room. So, I call Jenn (my BF that I am living with) and ask her to get Ed to get his phone. She tells me that she has been throwing up since about 6am, but was scheduled to substitute that morning and was going in anyway. So, Ed gets on the phone, I tell him that the car broke down, and then he says, "Hold on...I think I am going to be sick. I'll call you back." I was like great....whatever happens with the car...I can't go to work because I needed to go home and take care of my boys. Silas hadn't been throwing up, so I knew that I needed to protect him from Ed and Timmy. Back to the car...I decided to turn off the car and start it again to see if it would move, and PTL it did...I was able to move it up the ramp and turn right into a Shell gas station. Then...it wouldn't move anymore, so I parked it. In the meantime, Jenn called me to ask me what exit I was on...I told her and she said that is the same exit she is getting off for work. So, she was going to pick me up at the Shell station, I was going to take her to work, and then I would have her car for the day while we tried to figure out what was wrong with mine.

Let me just say, that I feel it was NO coincidence that I broke down near enough to the same exit that Jenn was going to be driving by...God's HAND was in this situation. As hard as it is knowing that the van is broke, and Ed and I don't have the money to fix it...God is still in control.

Back to my day, I called my dad, because he is pretty familiar with cars, and I describe to him what the car did, and he said, "Sounds like the transmission, not an easy fix." I threw up my hands and went WHAT NOW GOD!?! It seems like ever since we pulled out of UMHB to move to GA, we have been met with trials...but like I said before...God orchestrated the events that brought us to this point. My mom got on the phone and as always, gave me the MOST encouraging words that I needed to hear. (Side note: from the moment that Ed and I felt God leading us to Georgia, my mom has ALWAYS had the right words to say to be EXACTLY what I needed to hear. All those times we felt like giving up and throwing in the towel and moving back to Tx. Mom was there... So, Mom...if you are reading this....THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for EVERYTHING you have said...God is using you in a MIGHTY way in our lives. I LOVE YOU so much!) She told me, that this didn't surprise God, and HE will take care of us.

The SPRINT RR Assistance program, only gives you 3 miles free for towing. I looked around me and saw nothing that looked like a auto garage in the area. She then said, it was $4 to $7 for each mile after that and they only take cash. Well, surprise, surprise...I didn't have cash on me. She also said that it would be free if the tow truck to me back to their shop. She said sometimes they have mechanics there also. So, Mom had told me to pray, pray, pray before she hung up, so that's what I did. I sat in my van at this Shell gas station, and just cried out to God. I prayed that God would send a tow truck that would have a mechanic at their shop. Because I knew I could not pay for more than 3 miles. I waited...I waited...I waited....in the meantime, Ed calls me back and tells me HE has thrown up at 8 times, and Timmy is now dry heaving and that I needed to come home and take care of Silas so he didn't have to get near him. I told him I had Jenn's car, but I had to wait with the van until the tow truck got there.

The tow truck arrived. This towing company did not have a mechanic, but he told me that he would give me 5 miles free, and the nearest auto shop was 4 1/2 miles (God is watching out for me). He also looked at the engine and checked some things and said it looks like the transmission. He said the auto shop that he was taking me to, didn't work on transmissions, but it was a family owned business, and they would take care of me. (God is watching over me) On the way over, the tow truck man called ahead and told them what was going on, so when I got there, all I had to do was sign something I left to head to Newnan.

I got home about 10:15...Ed and Timmy hadn't thrown up since about 9:30 so they were both resting. I got Silas up fed him breakfast, and we went to Kroger to get Sprite, Gatorade and Chicken Noodle Soup for the sickly.

The rest of the day was spent going up and down the stairs fixing drink, soup, crackers for the sick ones and trying to figure out how I was going to get to work the rest of the week. I just started a new job and I don't have any personal days earned yet...so I couldn't afford to miss another day of work.

Later that afternoon, I started feeling nauseous too. I was like, "Oh no, not me too" I had to go pick up Jenn at 3:30, and had to keep pulling over because I felt like I had to throw up. Luckily, I didn't...and those feelings passed after a while. (I have a cold/sinus drainage, so I think that is what was making me feel nauseous.)

Anyway, Ed and Timmy stayed up stairs in the family room or our bedroom all day. Silas was very needy....everytime I left the room to get something, he cried out for me. By the end of the day, Jenn, Ed and Timmy felt much better. However, Jenn's husband Ryan (who has staying at his parents with their 3 year old daughter) came home throwing up too. So, in the household of 7, 4 of them were sick with the flu...NOT FUN!

But...Tuesday is a new day...Timmy went to school....I went to work, and Ed is eating again. All is well in the Lockwood household.

Living By Faith

2008-11-11T16:17:00.000-05:00

Ok...this is WAY overdue. I really need to get in the daily habit of blogging for all my friends and family in Texas!!! I promise I will try and do better :)

Since arriving to Georgia, God has DEFINITELY been teaching Ed and I lessons upon lessons. Let me start off by saying that we KNOW God wants us here, but things have been rough for us. There have been MANY, MANY times where either Ed or myself have said, "Let's just go back to Texas." We have literally fallen on our faces before God and cried out to HIM for re-assurance. We never thought when we got here that it would take so long for me to find a job. We arrived on September 1st and I didn't start working full time until November 3rd. 2 full months without money coming in...yikes! Fortunately for us, God used my parents to bless us tremendously with money to help us make ends meet. We also had some very special friends send us money as well.

Through our financial crunch came lesson #1 - I now know what it's like to not know how you are going to feed your children. When you get to this point, you have no where else to look but UP. God has given me a heart for those needy, poor, hurting souls out there. When you don't have much, it makes you appreciate every single meal you eat, every piece of clothes you have, the roof above your head. The fact that you know your children will be warm at night. My God has provided for ALL our needs! He has proved faithful!

Getting my job came lesson #2 - Patience. Patience. Patience. When we try to "take hold" of the reins of our life, then things are chaotic. I can't tell you how many resumes I sent through email, how many on-line applications I filled out - at least 200 plus. I had 3 interviews and the 3rd interview was with Life. The 1st two, I had NO peace at all when I left. I knew that wasn't where God wanted me. But when I had my interview at Life...I could actually see myself sitting at that desk. I had a vision of a pic of Ed and I on the corner of the desk. I had a GREAT interview with one of the professors. I felt very confident upon leaving. It was a Monday, and they told me that I would hear by Thursday of that week. Well, Thursday came and went, Friday, came and went. I was so disappointed. I couldn't believe that I didn't get it. I went home to NC for the weekend to visit my family to get my mind off the fact that I thought that was the job God had for me. When I arrived back to Georgia on Sunday, I started once again the normal chore of a Sunday night looking in the paper for jobs and applying for those I was interested in. Still, I was very unsettled about not getting the job at Life. I started questioning if I was even good enough for any job. Ed was extremely encouraging to me. He told me that I needed to call Life on Monday and see if they had filled the position. He said, "until you know if it's filled, you may still be in the pool of candidates." So, I called the HR dept at Life and they told me that they had not received any documents stating who they were offering the position to. So, I called the professor who I interviewed with, and he told me that he remembered me and they still hadn't decided. The interviews had to get pushed back that had been scheduled later in the week, and they needed to meet with the department heads to decide. Well...that got me excited...there was still a chance. The next Wednesday, I attended Substitute Training for Coweta county schools. I was going to be a sub until I found a full time job. That afternoon I was in Kroger buying some groceries, and I got the call...the answer to my prayers....Life University was offering me a full time job. I WAS THRILLED! If I hadn't been in Kroger then I would have screamed. My heart started beating so fast!!! My start date was November 3rd. I really enjoy working here. The professors I work for are great and I am doing what I went to college for. :) The only bad part is that Life University is in Marietta, GA which is about 40 miles from Newnan, GA where my friend lives. But in Atlanta traffic, it takes me anywhere from 1 hour to 1 1/2 hours to get to work and the same amount of time to get home. That can be tiring, but I just sing away with my IPOD...Im good to go :) I don't get to see the kids except for 2 hours a day Mon-Fri, but on the 22nd of November, we are moving into our apartment that is about 10 miles from where I work, so the commute will be much less. Can't wait to see all my stuff that has been in storage for so long...it's going to be like Christmas.

There is much more I could write, but I will close for now. I am really hoping that I can blog on a regular basis. I don't want all my Texas friends to think I fell off the planet in Georgia! We have taken some pics of the kids recently, so I will try to get those up as well.

Love you guys!

A Night To Remember

2008-07-31T23:23:00.000-04:00

I write in anticipation for Friday night - my last Diva night with the ladies at my church. Those ladies that I like to call my family! We have had MANY Diva nights full of memories...and I know that this one will be the best one ever! I have been sitting here reading some blogs that I regularly read, and I started getting emotional thinking about the ladies that God has placed in my life. Each one of these ladies that will be joining me tomorrow night has made a mark on my life. A mark that will NEVER go away. Some are spiritual markers, others are friendship markers. These are ladies that I will TRULY miss with all that is within me when I move to Atlanta. I know that as mothers, we don't always get a chance to share what each of us means to each other...time is never our friend. The kids usually take up a lot of our time. (Thank God for ALL the children represented in this group of ladies!!!!) But I just want to share a little bit about some of the ladies that will keep a piece of my heart in Texas.

Bethany Waters - wife of my husband's best friend. I know we don't get to spend as much time together as we would like. But you have encouraged me so much spiritually over all these years...especially recently! I am amazed at the work that God is doing in your life. 8 years is a long time, and we have been through a lot together, we have SO many memories --- I will never forget that night that you were pregnant with Faith and I was pregnant with Timmy, and we went to the convenient store up the road because we were craving ice cream...Tim and Ed just laughed at us...but it's a memory in my book that I will never forget. Speaking of Faith...I remember when you and Tim were trying for so long to get pregnant after Hannah, and it seemed like all around us the Lord was blessing everyone with a child...everyone but you...I remember how hard it was on you...you never spoke it out loud, but I could tell...oh how I prayed that God would give you another child...and when you called me on that June day and told me you were pregnant...what an answer to prayer!!!! I still remember where I was when I got your call...and then, I called Ed...and these were his words to me, "Now, you and I can get pregnant. I didn't want us to get pregnant until Bethany did." And in God's beautiful timing, HE allowed us to be pregnant at the same time. That was so fun to do together! I will NEVER forget you Bethany...even though I'll be so far away...you will always have a piece of my heart! I love you Sister!

Shelly Cook - girl...where do I begin?!?!? I know I have told you before, but I feel a connection to your soul that I can't describe. I was reading through my journal tonight and I found an entry on March 6, 2005 that states, "Lord, at Home Group tonight, I felt you leading me to draw Shelly out and encourage her." I still remember that night as if it was yesterday. It wasn't like we weren't friends...I mean I had been in Texas for 5 years, (I taught Ethan Lego Soup when he was a baby), but somehow that night things changed. Shelly...I have watched you grow into a godly woman who desires to be what God has called you to be. I have watched you and Matt's marriage grow into a beautiful picture of what God has ordained marriage to be. I can't wait to see how God is going to use your family. I know He will use you in a mighty way! You will always be one of my sisters Shelly....thanks for letting me in! Take care of my heart...I love you Sister!

Susan Cook - my "mom" in Texas. You took me in and made me feel like one of your daughters. Never did I ever question your love for me. I never dreamed when I'd move to Texas that I would find a family just like mine! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for making me feel like I was at home with you and Donnie. Your godly example will always be something that has helped mold me into the woman I am today. I know that you will wear many crowns in heaven! I will never forget you! I love you always!

Tabitha Millikan - I know that I have shared this with you before, but God used you to help me heal after my miscarriage. And for that, we will be eternally connected at the soul. I will never forget what you said, what you did, and how you were there to just hold me and let me cry on your shoulder. You had walked in my shoes...and you knew exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you once again for being a part of one of my spiritual markers. I love you!

Amy Frans - I know that we haven't spent a lot of time together, but I still consider you part of a spiritual marker in my life. You may not know the whole story, but you being pregnant with Molly Jo when I had my miscarriage in 2006 was instrumental in my healing also. The day you announced on CBC moms that you were pregnant with Molly Jo, I had to tell everyone I had miscarried. Those days were some of the hardest days I have ever had to endure. You didn't even know that I was envious of the child you were caring inside your womb. I wanted sooo bad for it to be me! I had wanted to get pregnant so bad that I took things out of God's hands and tried to do them by myself. That summer of 2006, I did a Beth Moore Bible Study with some ladies in my ABF, and through that study, God showed me how envious I had been toward you and that I needed to confess that sin and make it right with you. I remember the day that God told me to go ask your forgiveness during church...at first I was like..."why God? Amy doesn't even know how I have been feeling." But God said to me..."You don't want your bitterness and envy to affect Amy's walk with me." So, with the Lord leading me, I stepped out of my seat and came to you and asked for your forgiveness. And you know what amazed me the most Amy...you didn't even flinch..you didn't look at me with disgust, you didn't look annoyed with me, you lovingly took me in your arms and said that you understood, and you forgave me. It was that simple...your act of forgiveness catapulted me into a season of sweet fellowship with my Lord. And later that summer, God in HIS PERFECT TIMING, allowed me to become pregnant with my beautiful baby boy Silas. I will be forever grateful for your forgiveness Amy! And when I look at Molly Jo, I am always reminded of that Summer of 2006 when God changed my heart and HE changed my life! Thanks Amy! Love you!

Shannon Heriford - my SOUL SISTA!!!! - I don't even know how to start, words aren't even sufficient enough to describe what you mean to me. I have never been around someone who is so much like me and who understands me like you do. It doesn't matter where we are...church, diva nights, picnics...when we see each other..it's immediate screaming, squealing, hugging, laughter...I love you girl! There is NO-ONE like you! Diva night in Georgia will NEVER be the same without my Soul Sista!!! I still remember the night you came into Bible Study...God had done a MARVELOUS, MIRACULOUS thing in your life and Jason's life...and all the ladies in that group were witnesses to the goodness of God...(I'm the new EVE)..., and now...God allowed you to have little Maggie...what a beautiful picture of God's love for HIS children. Please know that I will forever be connected to your soul! I love you Shannon!

There are many, many more ladies...but I will post again Saturday after my Diva night. To all you ladies in my life...your love amazes me! :)

Brown Baby

2008-07-19T01:03:00.000-04:00

I was watching a new Disney movie tonight with Timmy - College Road Trip with Martin Lawrence and Raven Symone. It was really funny and a good family movie. The family had a young boy about 7 or 8, and at one point in the movie, he had done something bad and came to his dad (Martin Lawrence) to ask forgiveness. Well, Martin hugged him and said, "It's ok son, I still love you" and the little boy said, "I love you too Daddy".

Well, Timmy looked at me and said, "Awww, I like that mommy. Next time let's get a brown baby".

I said "What?"

He said, "You know like him. Let's get a brown one like him next time".

I just started laughing so hard...

From the mouth of babes....

Hair Cut Day

2008-06-28T19:04:00.000-04:00

It was hair cuts for everyone in the Lockwood family today. Everyone got a nice trim, but Silas had his VERY first haircut. Our hairstylist, Jamay, has been cutting our hair for the past 7 years, so it was exciting to see her cut Silas' hair now too.

Silas started out great! He didn't cry or fuss, but when he started putting his hands up towards the scissors and Ed had to hold his hands down, that's when things got a little crazy.

He didn't like her cutting by his ear. He didn't like his head being held down so she could get the back. Many tears were shed, and we even had to take a break to switch parents and let him calm down a bit. But after he calmed down, and mommy held his hands and let him stand up on her lap, Jamay was able to finish.

He looks like such a little boy now. Gone is the look of "baby"...I can't believe how big he is now.

Daddy started out holding him...so far so good.

Looking cute....

No, not behind the ears

Mommy...save me...

THANKS JAMAY!!!!

My Children

2008-06-25T22:44:00.000-04:00

I am so blessed by God to have my precious children in my life - Timmy and Silas are TRULY gifts from God. Lately, I have been making a more conscious effort to love on my children unconditionally, and putting them before anything I have on my to do list, etc.

For the past month or so, I have been reading a blog entitled "Bring the Rain" http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/ I came upon this blog because of 2 UMHB students who had gotten married and found out that their baby boy would not live very long once he was born. Through Brandon and Sarah's blog, I came to learn about Audrey Caroline. Audrey Caroline was the baby girl of Angie & Todd Smith (Todd is the lead singer of Selah). Angie lost Audrey the same way Sarah lost Elliott. Through Sarah and Angie emailing back and forth, Angie became a major component in Sarah's healing from the death of her son. So, I started at the beginning of Angie's blog and caught up to where I read it on a regular basis. I HIGHLY recommend anyone to take the time to read about this precious family's story. Let me forewarn you... you WILL cry, sob, pour out your heart to Jesus for this family, and when you are done, you will love on your children like never before. The first day I read it, my heart was so heavy and burden for this family, that I could do was get on my face before God and cry out to him for their pain, their sorrow, their loss.

I love to read the words that Angie writes...she is transparent with strangers. I have never laid eyes on her, but I feel like I know her soul. Recently, a former singer of Selah, Nicol Sponberg's 2 month old baby boy died from SIDS...not even 6 months from when Audrey Caroline died, and now this precious family is mourning the loss of another precious baby. On Angie's blog posted on June 25th, she has a video of Nicol (holding baby Luke) singing a song at Audrey's burial. I just can't imagine the feeling of not getting to hold my baby anymore, of the emptiness you must feel when your baby is not there to hold.

My prayer is that there NEVER goes a day that I don't make sure I love on my children, spend time with them, and truly thank God for giving me one more day to be their mommy.

May God Bless ALL the mommies in this world...hold on to your children...

A Prayer for My Husband

2008-06-06T00:12:00.000-04:00

Dear Most Gracious and Heavenly Father,

With my lips I sing your praise. You have given me more than I deserve. Tonight I want to thank you for my husband. You have given me a man of God who loves you and longs to serve you. He loves me with a love that is indescribable. He makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. You have given me a man who was made to be a father. Thank you for using godly men in Ed's life to show him how to be a better father. Thank you for how you are changing Ed to be the kind of husband you have created him to be. Thank you that my husband is the head of our house, and the spiritual leader of our family. Thank you for helping him to get to this point in his degree plan. I have faith, believing that he will complete this course in August. You deserve all the glory for bringing Ed to this place in his education. As we look at the next chapter of our lives, we anxiously wait to see what you have in store for us. You are so good to me.

In Jesus' name,
Amen.

God's Provision

2008-05-16T00:24:00.000-04:00

I am reading through the Old Testament and the New Testament. I am in Joshua chapter 5 in the Old Testament. And I read something tonight that just jumped out at me from the pages of the Bible.

In Joshua 5:12 it says: "The manna stopped the day after they ate this food from the land; there was no longer any manna for the Israelites, but that year they ate of the produce of Canaan."

To preface this verse, the Israelites had been in the desert for 40 years waiting for the Lord to allow them to enter the promised land (Canaan). And while they were in the dessert, God PROVIDED food for them to eat - Manna. They would wake up in the morning and have manna on the ground. And they were just to take enough to eat for that day. If they took more and tried to save it, God caused it to go bad. God is so amazing in His provision of this food. So many times, the Israelites had disobeyed the direct commands of God, and yet God in His Mercy, provided them food to eat.

The fact that "the manna stopped" showed that God had brought them into the land of Canaan, and He was once again, going to provide them the food/produce of the land. No longer did they have to eat manna.

I also see TRUST in this also...the Israelites had to TRUST that God would provide the manna every morning for them to eat. I love to see this picture of utter dependence on God. Without God, the Israelites wouldn't have eaten.

Wow...my God is an amazing, loving, merciful God. May I NEVER stop praising HIM for HIS provision in my life.

My Little Boy Timmy

2008-05-03T01:27:00.000-04:00

My Little Boy Timmy turned 5 years old on May 1, 2008. I can't believe how fast these years have flown by! I feel like I have been sleeping through some big events...wasn't he just learning to crawl, and now he is playing t-ball for his very first season. I am so proud of the son that GOD has given to us. Timmy made me a mommy for the very first time, and I can't think of a better word I like to hear than "Mommy".

If you don't know my Timmy, then you may not know that he has the biggest ball of energy of any kid I know.

You may not know how much he loves his Daddy... His daddy is the world to him. No-one can throw a football like daddy..especially mommy. When Ed was in Kenya over Christmas, Timmy told me one night " I need Daddy to come home and play with me. I love Daddy" Anytime he doesn't want us to go to work, he always says, "But I love you!" thinking that will make us stay home.

You may not know that Timmy loves to play games. His newest game is Candy Land. Everytime his "man" jumps my "man" he looks me and says, "It's ok to lose mommy. You'll be ok".

You may not know how many times he will stop what he is doing to give mommy and daddy hugs & kisses.

You may not know how much Timmy enjoys sitting on daddy's lap and watching sports, wrestling, or daddy playing XBOX.

You may not know that Timmy loves his baby brother VERY much! Everytime Timmy comes into Silas' room, Silas just squeals and laughs with delight.

If you don't know my Timmy...you may not know what a joy to my life he is. I am soooo very thankful that God has entrusted me with Timmy. Even though he is a year older...he will always be my very first baby!

Happy Birthday to my precious little boy!

Here are some pictures of Timmy....

Timmy - in October of 2003 (he was only 5 months)

Mommy & Timmy at Chili's after a Cru Ballgame

Timmy in his t-ball uniform before his first game.

An Amazing Weekend

2008-03-09T22:00:00.000-04:00

I just wrapped up an amazing weekend with some of the most precious girls. The Lord placed these girls in my life at UMHB and I can honestly say, even though they are about 10 years younger than I am, I still have such an awesome friendship with them.

2 of them are married, and 1 of them is "almost engaged" actually there is 1 of us who is too far away to enjoy reunions (Love you Jo). I have known these girls for almost 5 years...I have walked through many trials and triumphs in their life. I have watched them grow into GODLY women, and feel so honored to be in their life. As I was driving home today, I started reminiscing about the countless memories that we have made, and are still making. Even though we have only been able to get together about once a year, when we do get together, it's like we just saw each other last week. We catch up on old times, and talk about what the Lord is doing in their lives.

Girls...I am soooo proud of each and everyone of you! I can't wait to see what the Lord does in your life (families) in the years to come. Don't ever forget how much I love each one of you, and know that I am ALWAYS here for you!

Until next time......

My First Blog

2008-01-16T12:16:00.000-05:00

I have been wanting to do this for a while now, and finally decided to sit down and do it. I always seems to have so much going on in my mind, I decided to put it down in this blog.

You know when you have to tell a lot of people the same thing, and you get tired of repeating yourself, and you leave details out to each person...well, here I can type it one time and then send it to everyone to read it. That way, I won't leave out any details between people and everyone can see what is going on in my life.

On this Wednesday (hump day), I am truly blessed to have ED alive and well and with us in Texas. Some of you may know, and others may not, but Ed was in Kenya over Christmas (Dec. 19th through Jan. 5th) with an organization called International Sports Federation (ISF). They went over to an orphanage and gave Christmas to the children over there. There is ALOT to the story, and once Ed writes it out, I will post it here. But while ISF was in Kenya, the elections were taking place...the "wrong" person won...and riots broke out everywhere. Ed was in Kisumu at the airport, dropping off a team member who had to return to America for work. On the way back to the town they were working in, they got stopped at a roadblock and were attacked. Neither Ed, Hezzie (his Kenyan friend) or the drivers were hurt, but God used that event to catapult me into trusting HIM for everything. Ed and I have been saying for the past 4 months, "we trust God with our life" and HE made it clearly apparent during this time. I didn't hear the entire story until Ed arrived back in Texas on Jan. 5th. But while Ed and I were apart, I placed Ed in the Lord's hands and I trusted God to bring him home to us. After Ed called on New Years Eve, and I found out that things were not the safest to get out of the country, I didn't know whether or not Ed would get out safely or not. I sat down with my mother on Wednesday night of that week and said, "Mom, if the Lord doesn't bring Ed home...I will be ok...the boys and I will be ok." It wasn't until I TOTALLY gave Ed to the Lord that I started getting peace. He gave me a peace that passes all understanding. I knew that Ed would be coming home. And I have the Lord to thank for that!

I know this was a long post, and maybe it is even hard to follow...but it's my first time...and it will just get better with time.